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Original poster

Boyfriend stealing?!

52 replies

motheru · 09/10/2022 21:29

Ok so I have a dilemma... I have previously found out my partner was taking some money from me without my permission. I told him there won't be any more chances: we recently come back from holiday and i claimed some cash in vat returns on top of some unspent money in Euros: silly me I left all that cash laying about as i had other issues to take care of ... our 3 kids and bills . I know I put that money away in one place :.. week later I find it in another place with money missing... I haven't touched it... who did?! He said he hasn't :... am I going crazy to blame him?!

OP posts:
MultiTulip · 10/10/2022 09:58

Yes, he’s stolen from you again. And he’s lying and gaslighting you. You know this. What do you want from people here? You need to throw him out permanently this time.

oldstudentmum · 10/10/2022 10:00

knittingaddict · 10/10/2022 09:55

So he is claiming benefits fraudulently too? Any benefits claim would involve you if he lives in the home with you. You can't just decide not to work and claim benefits for being unemployed. How long since he last worked?

Well one of the questions is do you have a partner? I’m wondering if he is claiming using mothers address as everything is online! And he is stealing from her. For starters if the ops wages were low she would have to be told surely and another he wouldn’t be required to attend a job centre every week unless he was claiming unemployment benefits!

knittingaddict · 10/10/2022 10:08

I would hazard a guess that the benefits people are unaware that op's partner is living with her.

Adding this to the stealing, I would be dumping him. He is a thoroughly bad lot and the last thing you need is a benefits investigation.

AdoraBell · 10/10/2022 12:13

How many “second” chances? Get rid because he wasn’t being honest before so you can’t trust him now.

UserError012345 · 10/10/2022 14:06

Your only mistake OP was taking him back the first time.

Herejustforthisone · 10/10/2022 14:17

Your first thought was that you were crazy, rather than the repeatedly light fingered cunt you live with had stolen, again?

He’s really done a number on you @motheru. I hope you find it in you to kick the piece of shit out.

EndlessMagpies · 10/10/2022 14:25

motheru · 10/10/2022 09:51

I don't know much about the system as I never been on benefits, I must know he goes job centre every other week. I don't see none of that money if he gets any

So you are the breadwinner, and if he claims any benefits you don't see any of it. And now he appears to be stealing from you again and gaslighting you into the bargain. This is all so wrong it is hard to know where to begin.

What is your housing situation, do you rent, and in whose name?

What positives does he bring to your life? Does he do his fair share of the chores, childcare and cooking, or does he leave you to do the lot? Come to think of it, if you are working and he isn't then he should be doing more than you.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/10/2022 15:40

Something isn't adding up here.

How can you be so niave about him claiming benefits if you work full time? It's claimed as a family

Quveas · 10/10/2022 15:55

Therealjudgejudy · 10/10/2022 15:40

Something isn't adding up here.

How can you be so niave about him claiming benefits if you work full time? It's claimed as a family

Quite. How on earth, even if you have never claimed benefits yourself, does anyone think that you get unemployment benefit for choosing not to work; or not realise that UC claims would be based on family income? I have never claimed benefits either, and I don't have much understanding of how things work, but even I know that claiming unemployment benefit in such circumstances is theft and fraud. If there were UC topping up low wages, then the OP would know about it and be providing income information.

OP, if this is really what is happening then stealing money from you is only part of the problem you have.

Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 16:08

We are living in my house. I am fortunate enough to have been given an inheritance to buy my own house. We been living together for about 7 years, have had 3 kids in the past 5 years. I do not come from this country originally and never looked into benefits etc, I have studied for long time then I got my first job, then kids came along and I was making money working from home after being self employed for a bit. All this time he not worked for long time. He looked for jobs, but they didn't suit and especially when kids came along with our youngest being particularly demanding in terms of care. So he mostly sits with kids as we cannot afford childcare for all, does a lot of housework as we agreed that way until oldest at least start the school and he can find part time job and then hopefully full time. I know he goes to job centre from time to time, but whatever money he gets I don't ask for it as the way I saw it he needs to pay for his phone etc.. I don't even know how much he gets to be honest. I just looked at it as period in our life we have to make things work around our large family

OP posts:
Adelais · 10/10/2022 16:37

He can’t claim benefits for himself if he is living with and in a relationship with you, that’s not how it works. It sounds like he’s committing fraud as well.

Ragruggers · 10/10/2022 16:50

I have been in your position.I remember always having pockets to put my purse in even my dressing gown.Never leaving money around.The panic when you realise the money has gone.The hurt look of him saying he hasn’t seen the money when you know he has taken it.This is no way to live and in the end you think you are going mad.Tell him to leave ,it will never get better,he has perfected his actions.Is the money spent on alcohol?I really feel for you but for your mental health stop this now.Best wishes.

ChampagneCamping · 10/10/2022 17:24

What about the 18 year old step daughter?

knittingaddict · 10/10/2022 19:43

Well I think you need to ask him about what benefits he is claiming, how much and why, as soon as possible. This is the real issue here. You could find yourself under investigation and complicit in benefits fraud.

This whole thing sounds odd. Why on earth haven't you discussed his financial situation in 7 years? You are leaving yourself incredibly vulnerable.

Original poster
motheru · 10/10/2022 20:33

I am thinking I M going mad.. doubting myself now... I don't suffer from the best memory but I remember like now where I put the money and I was rushing to close the cabinet as I heard him coming down the stairs but way he acting makes me think... did I may be put it elsewhere?! Am I not remembering correct?!
There is very little chance my 18 year old son took it. The boy lives in his room or outside while studying/being in the gym or with his friends. We hardly ever see him anymore :( and if he cooks he asks where things are ... he wouldn't even be in the living room, let alone going into that cabinet .
As for us not discussing the financial situation.... well the way I saw it is I am from financially stable background, don't have a mortgage and have decent salary. He is very opposite to me, I never needed his money if he ever had any, and since I could pay all the bills etc I didn't need him to contribute as I thought if tables were turned I would have also wanted if my partner could take care of me in that way. So I never asked for any money from him. We just had a chat and I said to him as long as I am not paying for your bills we good, and once kids get older you will
Go to full time work. For now, his main responsibility is taking care of our children while I take care of the rest. We share house chores equally

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 10/10/2022 20:38

Oh wake up, OP. I implore you.

pepsirolla · 10/10/2022 20:53

He steals from you, seems to be stealing/committing benefit fraud which you could be done for too if they think you an accomplice.
He may have took out loans in your name as guarantor or on the house deeds.
You need to get a credit check immediately through equifax or experian to see if any loans you don't know about. See a solicitor or citizen advice bureau if you find any dodgy debts.
Please get rid of this dishonest lowlife in a safe way, before his dodgy deceitful behaviour affects you kids. He will probably steal from them given the chance

palelavender · 19/03/2023 14:50

I would forgive my husband for an affair more readily than I would forgive him for stealing from me. An affair is at least lust while stealing from you is a very calculated thing. My husband has access to really substantial money that is mine and in thirty years he has never touched it. Honest people just aren't tempted.

palelavender · 19/03/2023 14:53

Oops sorry an old thread.

Original poster
motheru · 19/03/2023 15:06

So the latest update is... I got hidden cameras off Amazon and caught him red handed hiding the money! He is currently living back at home with his mother while I am taking care of our kids. Not easy but better than staying with someone like that!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 15:20

You have some of the lowest standards I've ever heard of. They're basically non-existent.

Get rid of this cocklodging thief.

Brahumbug · 19/03/2023 16:36

Well done op, hope it works out for you. Ignore the cruel remarks.

CombatBarbie · 19/03/2023 17:19

Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 15:20

You have some of the lowest standards I've ever heard of. They're basically non-existent.

Get rid of this cocklodging thief.

Maybe read ALL the Ops posts and dates before spouting off

CombatBarbie · 19/03/2023 17:22

Op, glad you caught him out.

Out of interest, who's claiming the child benefit? Your earlier posts indicate he's been claiming single parent not working benefits. If it were a legit claim he'd be asking for your self employed figures every month.

DismantledKing · 19/03/2023 17:24

Aquamarine1029 · 19/03/2023 15:20

You have some of the lowest standards I've ever heard of. They're basically non-existent.

Get rid of this cocklodging thief.

The least you can do on a thread is to read all the OPs posts before commenting. It’s just fucking laziness otherwise.

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