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Original poster

Cash gifts at weddings?

58 replies

Shulee · 31/08/2022 18:59

What are people’s opinions on cash gifts at weddings? I was reading a recent money diary and the poster had gifted £40 to the newly weds. Some of the commenters felt this was not enough.

weddings are expensive but also for the guests, due to stag/hen dos, hotels, transport and childcare etc.

would you expect a cash gift if you were getting married? Or would you give a cash gift and how much?

OP posts:
Brideandpredjudice · 31/08/2022 19:02

Tacky tacky tacky.

What's worse is the stupid poems people write that beat around the bush for 5 minutes before saying they want people to give them money. If you don't need any gifts then say no gifts. I would never ask for or give money instead of a gift.

Purpleavocado · 31/08/2022 19:05

£40 is fine. I do like to do £50 so that I can fold it into a heart and bluetack it to the card. I was grateful to anyone who gave me any kind of present at my wedding, I didn't have my wedding to get paid back with gifts.

Erictheavocado · 31/08/2022 19:06

I would rather give cash than a random gift. Couples these days often live together first and therefore have a lot of the basics - it doesn't bother me if they use my cash to pay towards their honeymoon, upgrade to better quality household goods or even to landscape the garden. As far as I am concerned, that is better than giving a boxed item for the sake off it.
As for the amount, I give what I can afford - i've never known a bride/groom to be so ungrateful as to moan about the amount.

StrikeandRobin · 31/08/2022 19:07

Some of the commenters felt this was not enough
Maybe those commenters have more disposable income?
Whatever you would normally spend on a wedding gift is fine to give in cash. If you aren’t really close, and would ordinarily spend £25 on a gift, then £25 is fine to put in a card, if you want to-and can afford- £40 then that’s fine too. The B & G have, presumably, invited you as they want you to celebrate with them not just hand them a fistful of cash.

FettleOfKish · 31/08/2022 19:09

We didn't ask for any gifts, ESPECIALLY not cash, but told those who specifically asked us that we'd like a 'date' for our first year of marriage. Amongst some lovely restaurant and activity vouchers, people gave us a load of cash 🤷🏻‍♀️

We've put it aside to spend as and when there's something nice we want to do together.

EllieRosesMammy · 31/08/2022 19:12

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving cash as a gift, and putting something in the card like "put this money towards some drinks on your honeymoon". As for the amount I guess it'd be whatever you can afford.

Since as most couples live together for a while before they marry these days i can't see anyone having a registry, or asking for homeware items. So cash seems like the best option, or a keepsake sort of gift.

I get married in 2024 and I don't expect anyone to bring us anything, however I know money towards the honeymoon would be of more use than say a Le Creuset pan 😅 (as much as I love Le Creuset)

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2022 21:41

I am autistic, hate surprises and like to keep my house free of stuff so the idea that people might buy us gifts at our wedding was really stressful.

We told people to not buy us anything BUT if they really felt like they had to then to donate something to our honeymoon fund.

A lot of our friends and family were very generous and we sent thank you cards detailing what activity/hotel/train tickets we spent the money on. We spent two weeks going around Japan by rail and it was lovely to be reminded of everyone who'd helped us out as we took part in all of the pre planned activities :)

Annabananna1 · 31/08/2022 21:45

Giving / preferring money is all fine. The amount just depends on your circumstances and the relationship. And maybe the sort of wedding.

I try to give the cost of a meal out if it's a full day thing. If it's fancy I'd give a little more than if it's someone's garden with an M&S buffet. And I'd give more to a close friend than to a not so close friend etc.

Dotcheck · 31/08/2022 21:48

I was married a very long time ago, and I preferred cash. I still do. A gift is just an obligation to keep someone else’s idea of what you should have in your house. Yeech

chipsandpeas · 31/08/2022 21:48

I prefer giving money makes life easier imo especially if the couple have been together a long time and already live together

LittleLlama · 31/08/2022 22:31

I would also rather give the wedding couple cash than a gift. Money is much more practical and provides more flexibility for the couple. The amount I give varies, depending on how well I know the couple (and if this is their first wedding). The last wedding we attended I gave £100 but this was for a close friend.

One couple instead of gifts/money asked for donations to a specific local charity (which had helped the family the previous year when her mum had been very Ill with cancer). They raised a lot of money and I think people were perhaps more generous, than if the money had gone to the couple.

shazzybazzy34 · 31/08/2022 22:41

Huge difference in weddings in UK and Ireland. You would never had someone €40 in a card for a wedding in Ireland. Huge money.

abovedecknotbelow · 31/08/2022 22:53

I don't get the angst. If you bought from a wedding list they would know how much you had spent, why not give them the cash to spend on something they want instead?

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:16

Interesting point. Older generations would simply give a household item or something they needed. Money seems to be the norm these days

OP posts:
Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:18

Purpleavocado · 31/08/2022 19:05

£40 is fine. I do like to do £50 so that I can fold it into a heart and bluetack it to the card. I was grateful to anyone who gave me any kind of present at my wedding, I didn't have my wedding to get paid back with gifts.

That is a nice idea. From what I had read from the comments, it seems newly weds are expecting money from guests. Is this the norm?

OP posts:
Anon778833 · 01/09/2022 00:20

its fine if that’s what you choose as a guest but when the people getting married request money I think it’s bad manners and crass.

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:22

Erictheavocado · 31/08/2022 19:06

I would rather give cash than a random gift. Couples these days often live together first and therefore have a lot of the basics - it doesn't bother me if they use my cash to pay towards their honeymoon, upgrade to better quality household goods or even to landscape the garden. As far as I am concerned, that is better than giving a boxed item for the sake off it.
As for the amount, I give what I can afford - i've never known a bride/groom to be so ungrateful as to moan about the amount.

Completely understand this as you may get duplicate gifts. From the comments I read some people were saying they were gifting £75-£150 a couple. Which I think personally is very expensive, considering If I’ve been on a hen do and paying for hotel and transport. Is this the norm?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:26

StrikeandRobin · 31/08/2022 19:07

Some of the commenters felt this was not enough
Maybe those commenters have more disposable income?
Whatever you would normally spend on a wedding gift is fine to give in cash. If you aren’t really close, and would ordinarily spend £25 on a gift, then £25 is fine to put in a card, if you want to-and can afford- £40 then that’s fine too. The B & G have, presumably, invited you as they want you to celebrate with them not just hand them a fistful of cash.

The diary that I read was from a young women with her own mortgage on £26,000. So I understand it’s about disposable income. But I agree £25 would be perfectly fine.

OP posts:
locke360 · 01/09/2022 00:27

I really don't understand the controversy around this.

There was nothing we wanted for our wedding other than our guests to come and celebrate with us. We already lived together and had everything we needed (and we are not very materialistic anyway). But we knew many of them would be wanting to give us a gift and not know what to buy.

So we just made it clear in the invitation - the most important thing was having our friends and family there to celebrate with us, but if they did want to give a gift, a small amount towards our honeymoon would be appreciated.

It doesn't need a silly poem and it doesn't need to be rude or presumptuous. But sometimes guests actually appreciate a bit of direction and it takes the worry out of it for them as well.

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:30

FettleOfKish · 31/08/2022 19:09

We didn't ask for any gifts, ESPECIALLY not cash, but told those who specifically asked us that we'd like a 'date' for our first year of marriage. Amongst some lovely restaurant and activity vouchers, people gave us a load of cash 🤷🏻‍♀️

We've put it aside to spend as and when there's something nice we want to do together.

You sound lovely! A lot of people commenting on the post were saying that newly weds, not all but some are every cash grabby, asking for cash and expecting x amount. But nice to hear from people that didn’t ask for gifts. Good kick in the future xx

OP posts:
locke360 · 01/09/2022 00:33

Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:18

That is a nice idea. From what I had read from the comments, it seems newly weds are expecting money from guests. Is this the norm?

Show quote history

We didn't expect anything - I think it is the expectation that makes it crass/ rude, rather than just giving a guide/ preference.

If newlyweds were annoyed at someone for NOT giving a gift/ money, that would be very bad form.

But stating that IF people want to give gifts, money is appreciated - there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:38

EllieRosesMammy · 31/08/2022 19:12

I don't think there's anything wrong with giving cash as a gift, and putting something in the card like "put this money towards some drinks on your honeymoon". As for the amount I guess it'd be whatever you can afford.

Since as most couples live together for a while before they marry these days i can't see anyone having a registry, or asking for homeware items. So cash seems like the best option, or a keepsake sort of gift.

I get married in 2024 and I don't expect anyone to bring us anything, however I know money towards the honeymoon would be of more use than say a Le Creuset pan 😅 (as much as I love Le Creuset)

This! Many couples live together now and have bought household objects etc. In my grandparents generation they would buy maybe a kettle or toaster for the newly weds. Totally understand why a cash gift would be more appropriate. From the comments it was more the newly weds were expecting a cash gift or people felt pressured into gifting £100 a couple

OP posts:
Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:40

TheBirdintheCave · 31/08/2022 21:41

I am autistic, hate surprises and like to keep my house free of stuff so the idea that people might buy us gifts at our wedding was really stressful.

We told people to not buy us anything BUT if they really felt like they had to then to donate something to our honeymoon fund.

A lot of our friends and family were very generous and we sent thank you cards detailing what activity/hotel/train tickets we spent the money on. We spent two weeks going around Japan by rail and it was lovely to be reminded of everyone who'd helped us out as we took part in all of the pre planned activities :)

I totally understand and what a lovely gift from your friends. You seem lovely sending thank you cards. Good luck to your married life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:42

Annabananna1 · 31/08/2022 21:45

Giving / preferring money is all fine. The amount just depends on your circumstances and the relationship. And maybe the sort of wedding.

I try to give the cost of a meal out if it's a full day thing. If it's fancy I'd give a little more than if it's someone's garden with an M&S buffet. And I'd give more to a close friend than to a not so close friend etc.

this is good advice!

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 01/09/2022 00:44

I think it is a good idea to give cash and most couples want that even if they don't say it.

You give what you can afford. £40 is a decent amount but there will be people who can only manage £20. It doesn't matter, it's not a competition and the bride and groom will be glad of it.

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