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Original poster

Cash gifts at weddings?

58 replies

Shulee · 31/08/2022 18:59

What are people’s opinions on cash gifts at weddings? I was reading a recent money diary and the poster had gifted £40 to the newly weds. Some of the commenters felt this was not enough.

weddings are expensive but also for the guests, due to stag/hen dos, hotels, transport and childcare etc.

would you expect a cash gift if you were getting married? Or would you give a cash gift and how much?

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:44

Dotcheck · 31/08/2022 21:48

I was married a very long time ago, and I preferred cash. I still do. A gift is just an obligation to keep someone else’s idea of what you should have in your house. Yeech

Haha. I agree people buy what they want rather than want you would like. Congrats on the long term marriage

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:48

chipsandpeas · 31/08/2022 21:48

I prefer giving money makes life easier imo especially if the couple have been together a long time and already live together

I agree. How much would you give?

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:53

LittleLlama · 31/08/2022 22:31

I would also rather give the wedding couple cash than a gift. Money is much more practical and provides more flexibility for the couple. The amount I give varies, depending on how well I know the couple (and if this is their first wedding). The last wedding we attended I gave £100 but this was for a close friend.

One couple instead of gifts/money asked for donations to a specific local charity (which had helped the family the previous year when her mum had been very Ill with cancer). They raised a lot of money and I think people were perhaps more generous, than if the money had gone to the couple.

I can understand cash will be more beneficial that a gift. Thanks for sharing. Also lovely idea about donations to charity what a lovely idea

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 00:58

shazzybazzy34 · 31/08/2022 22:41

Huge difference in weddings in UK and Ireland. You would never had someone €40 in a card for a wedding in Ireland. Huge money.

Yes, someone from NI had posted that €75-150 was expected regardless of financial circumstance and they felt pressured to pay the higher price because of looking tight.

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Justhereforaibu1 · 01/09/2022 01:01

Yep I was just thinking about Irish weddings. E150 min per couple expected, anything up to 300 and more, it's crazy 😲

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:04

abovedecknotbelow · 31/08/2022 22:53

I don't get the angst. If you bought from a wedding list they would know how much you had spent, why not give them the cash to spend on something they want instead?

I think it’s more that people don’t buy from wedding lists these days, apparently cash is the norm. A lot of people were kicking off saying the newly weds were entitled expecting money from guest or that £40 wasn’t enough

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:07

Anon778833 · 01/09/2022 00:20

its fine if that’s what you choose as a guest but when the people getting married request money I think it’s bad manners and crass.

This was the point a lot of people were making and the amount they were “expecting” from guests. Such as guests have a lot to pay for even before the wedding hen dos etc, so why should they expect a cash gift.

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:24

locke360 · 01/09/2022 00:27

I really don't understand the controversy around this.

There was nothing we wanted for our wedding other than our guests to come and celebrate with us. We already lived together and had everything we needed (and we are not very materialistic anyway). But we knew many of them would be wanting to give us a gift and not know what to buy.

So we just made it clear in the invitation - the most important thing was having our friends and family there to celebrate with us, but if they did want to give a gift, a small amount towards our honeymoon would be appreciated.

It doesn't need a silly poem and it doesn't need to be rude or presumptuous. But sometimes guests actually appreciate a bit of direction and it takes the worry out of it for them as well.

No controversy. The point of my post was that someone had gifted £40 and people were kicking off that it was wasn’t enough. The minority, that was.

I was interested in peoples’ opinions around gifting cash as a wedding present, especially since we are going through a living crisis.

Many of the comments were about newly weds EXPECTING cash gifts off friends and family and it was an interesting read. A lot of people believed £40 was more than enough especially as the price of a guest to attend a wedding/hen do is £600+.

So after paying a small fortune in the run up to the wedding why should they pay a cash gift. Cash gifts shouldn’t be expected, this is what a lot of people were saying and so rightly they shouldn’t. But the biggest thing was that the newly weds were expecting cash gifts and this ticked off a lot of people. Ie why should people fund your wedding or honeymoon. This was what people were saying from the group.

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:26

Justhereforaibu1 · 01/09/2022 01:01

Yep I was just thinking about Irish weddings. E150 min per couple expected, anything up to 300 and more, it's crazy 😲

Yes, I heard this. Please don’t feel pressured to give that money. It’s a only a party essentially

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Runnerduck34 · 01/09/2022 01:28

All weddings I've been to in last 5 years have asked for cash.
Tbh I prefer an old fashioned gift list but can see why B and G prefer money.
Just give what you can afford, for DHs nephew we gave £100 , as our DC also attended if we go as a couple we probably give £50. Sometimes it feels like I'm paying to attend. The last one we went to involved a 2 night stay due to the distance, dogs in kennels , new outfits and buy your own drinks from the bar that was very expensive .
No doubt weddings are expensive !

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:31

Anon778833 · 01/09/2022 00:20

its fine if that’s what you choose as a guest but when the people getting married request money I think it’s bad manners and crass.

A lot of people saying they are very entitled this behaviour. Asking for money at a wedding, if you can’t afford it don’t have a lavish wedding. The comments that is.

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caringcarer · 01/09/2022 01:33

I would normally gift what I thought the cost of inviting me would have been plus extra. Eg if I thought it cost £50 per head I would gift £70. If it was a dear niece or nephew then £200 for inviting DH and me.

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:33

locke360 · 01/09/2022 00:33

We didn't expect anything - I think it is the expectation that makes it crass/ rude, rather than just giving a guide/ preference.

If newlyweds were annoyed at someone for NOT giving a gift/ money, that would be very bad form.

But stating that IF people want to give gifts, money is appreciated - there's nothing wrong with that at all.

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I agree. It was more that people were expecting money from guests. That people were kicking off about

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:39

LBFseBrom · 01/09/2022 00:44

I think it is a good idea to give cash and most couples want that even if they don't say it.

You give what you can afford. £40 is a decent amount but there will be people who can only manage £20. It doesn't matter, it's not a competition and the bride and groom will be glad of it.

Good advice. Few of the commenters were saying this was too low though.., opinions?

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:44

locke360 · 01/09/2022 00:33

We didn't expect anything - I think it is the expectation that makes it crass/ rude, rather than just giving a guide/ preference.

If newlyweds were annoyed at someone for NOT giving a gift/ money, that would be very bad form.

But stating that IF people want to give gifts, money is appreciated - there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Show quote history

Yes I agree. I think expectations need to lowered around cash gifts

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BasiliskStare · 01/09/2022 01:45

In my day ( I am elderly) it was more of a wedding list but that was because people did not have all the stuff they needed.

My Brother & his wife got married later in life ( both previously single ) but they had toasters / pans etc etc. What they did not have was enough money to pay for a honeymoon after the wedding. So they asked for money. They did not have a dining / kitchen table so I gave them enough for that but I do see they still don't have one - but I do not care .

I think it is much much more common for people to ask for money - which I think is OK - what I do not think is OK is to imply a certain amount. It all adds up. £40 is a lovely amount if it what you can afford. Or indeed £20 or indeed anything. Were I the bride I would just be grateful for anything which all added up would do a useful thing. But I would not like to think people had to give £150 or feel a bit embarrassed .

Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:49

LBFseBrom · 01/09/2022 00:44

I think it is a good idea to give cash and most couples want that even if they don't say it.

You give what you can afford. £40 is a decent amount but there will be people who can only manage £20. It doesn't matter, it's not a competition and the bride and groom will be glad of it.

Very good advice. Although some commenters on the other post felt that £40 was too low…I believe any gift should be be grateful

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:52

Justhereforaibu1 · 01/09/2022 01:01

Yep I was just thinking about Irish weddings. E150 min per couple expected, anything up to 300 and more, it's crazy 😲

Surely a wedding is about a celebration of a marriage rather than cash gifts? Please don’t feel pressured into giving money away!

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 01:59

BasiliskStare · 01/09/2022 01:45

In my day ( I am elderly) it was more of a wedding list but that was because people did not have all the stuff they needed.

My Brother & his wife got married later in life ( both previously single ) but they had toasters / pans etc etc. What they did not have was enough money to pay for a honeymoon after the wedding. So they asked for money. They did not have a dining / kitchen table so I gave them enough for that but I do see they still don't have one - but I do not care .

I think it is much much more common for people to ask for money - which I think is OK - what I do not think is OK is to imply a certain amount. It all adds up. £40 is a lovely amount if it what you can afford. Or indeed £20 or indeed anything. Were I the bride I would just be grateful for anything which all added up would do a useful thing. But I would not like to think people had to give £150 or feel a bit embarrassed .

Very wise words from a very wise person. From the comments some of the people were giving £150+ which I think is ridiculous but it was more that the newly weds were expecting large cash gifts that ticked people off.

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Original poster
Shulee · 01/09/2022 02:10

Runnerduck34 · 01/09/2022 01:28

All weddings I've been to in last 5 years have asked for cash.
Tbh I prefer an old fashioned gift list but can see why B and G prefer money.
Just give what you can afford, for DHs nephew we gave £100 , as our DC also attended if we go as a couple we probably give £50. Sometimes it feels like I'm paying to attend. The last one we went to involved a 2 night stay due to the distance, dogs in kennels , new outfits and buy your own drinks from the bar that was very expensive .
No doubt weddings are expensive !

They are very expensive. This was the point a lot of people were making, paying for travel and hotel etc as well as a cash gift but I guess it depends on disposable income. Please don’t feel pressured to path give cash gifts

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Ponderingwindow · 01/09/2022 02:20

Whatever the gift, people shouldn’t be pressured to spend more than they can comfortably afford. We all have stages of life. Sometimes we can afford more and sometimes less. The amount really shouldn’t matter, it should be the sentiment behind it. Two people who give gifts worth equal amounts aren’t even necessarily showing that they value the relationship equally because for one giver that amount may be trivial and for another it may be precious.

TheEggChair · 01/09/2022 02:46

when I got married, I got so many duplicate gifts as I had a large wedding. Most of the excess toasters etc were donated to friends & family needing an upgrade! I’d have preferred cash or travel vouchers as we didn’t go on honeymoon.

BasiliskStare · 01/09/2022 03:27

@Ponderingwindow I absolutely agree with you there For example ( & I use ut as an example ) a £100 cheque could be very easy for some to write out - for others it could be hard. It has no relation to how much they value their relationship to the Bride and Groom. & frankly any Bride or Groom who thinks their friends' cheque is an indication of how much those people think of them (assuming they have some idea of friend's circumstances ) well , I would think the less of them

I had a wedding list & on it was a dinner service - so everyone could buy anything from a tea plate to a dinner plate so anything between £5 at the time or a few plates for more. A great friend of mine bought a milk jug. Her cheque bounced. Not sure if they should have done but the shop told me this and I just said - send her the Thank you message and do not tell her this has happened. I knew she didn't have much money at the time. I have never told her from that day to this. It was a kind thought . It is sort of funny now that she is on her second marriage to a wealthy man and she shows me her various houses in different countries , but never once will I say that I just pretended she had bought my wedding present because at the time it was what she thought she could afford & I was grateful for the thought. Not sure what people think about that but she tried & I was not going to embarrass her. I was genuinely grateful for the thought.

But to get back to the cash thing I think any decent Bride and Groom will take what they are given with some grace and be grateful & guests will do the best they can whatever that may be.

BasiliskStare · 01/09/2022 03:33

@TheBirdintheCave That trip & your notes to your friends sounds abolutely lovely.

MrsFortSQ · 01/09/2022 05:37

What is a typical amount to gift for just a night time invite, just DH and I, no children?