SAHM - Living on parents income - how do you work it out?

[TeaBookcats]

I’m a stay at home mum and this month I had my last maternity leave pay from work.

how do you work out your money on one income?

my partner gives me £800 but after all of my personal bills, my food, the animals food, most of my daughters food, clothing, nappies, wipes, baby groups, toiletries, petrol, toys etc I am left with not very much.

my partner earns £4,500 a month. I know £800 seems like a lot but with the price of everything, I seem to struggle at the end. And he doesn’t struggle at all. The house and bills are in his name but he goes halves with his mum as she has shared ownership of the house. He will not open a joint account or withdraw a set amount of cash to use for our daughter every month. I have to ask him if I need more and he gets noticeably annoyed if I do. He’s saying “I can’t handle my money, people that don’t handle money well amount to shit”.

I never buy myself anything, my clothes are second hand. The money I spend goes on the house and our daughter.

I've got a partner like this. I became a childminder so that I could be there for my children and earn money so that I wasn't dependant on him.

In your situation, I would leave. Claim Universal Credits until you're back on your feet and contact the CSA to claim maintenance for your child.

Get out. Work full-time, he'll have to pay maintenance and will find out he's been a selfish bastard. You aren't doing anyone any favours by staying with him - he sounds horrible.
You're worth more than that.

Sahm here my husband earns 2500 a month (we’re a family of 5) all goes into the joint account and I spend whatever I need / want. All money is joint money. When I’m back at work (on a career break)my pay goes in the joint account too.

all the bills come out of there ( mostly DDs) and once that’s done o have about 1k left for food, petrol & life for the month. I manage all the bills and money

It is utter madness to become a SAHM if you're not married, and you definitely should not marry this man.

Go back to work full time, and leave.

But you both chose for you to stay at home, so that was his choice too.

You know you need to leave op, take your work up on the offer of a part time job, even if it is a long commute, it gives you much more options.

And remember childcare is a shared cost, don't go spending all your pay on it, he needs to cough up too.

We don't even have children and all costs are shared and all money is joint, sometimes my DH has been the breadwinner, sometimes I have. We have both supported each other through periods of no work due to redundancy. Because what is the point of being with someone if they want you to go around in rags and deprive yourself whilst they live have masses of money?

Please try and retract your notice and go back to work. This is quite frankly ridiculous and not how most couples live.

Please get your job back. Full time. You can’t be dependent on this man. WTF he “chose to earn more”. You gave birth to his child and are caring for his child, all so he has the freedom to work and earn without any reproductive responsibilities. If he doesn’t understand that he is either an idiot or a monster.

You need to stay on at work full time. Reading this set up is appalling. He values you at £800 a month and I assume no pension, on that provision. You are a complete fool if you allow him to keep all his money and become a SAHM. He is leaving you in financial ruins and will leave one day. He hasn't married you or shared the bank account. Do not assume the best of him. Please don't stay blinded to his selfishness.

Can I ask OP, was this baby planned? Had you been with your partner long when you got pregnant? It just sounds such an odd set up for a couple sharing a home and life, what was the financial situation of your relationship before you started a family, were costs like rent/bills split equally with your partner or in a proportion according to income? What conversations did you have around what the financial set up would be, before trying for a baby?

Definitely financial abuse and I think you should return to work full time and leave him. The way he speaks to you is disgusting.
But like a couple of other posters, I’m curious about getting through £800. Is your car on a loan, perhaps?
No matter if you’re spending it on vapes and WKDs though, when he chose to have a child with you, he should have committed to shared finances.

Why did he buy a house with his mother, and not you? Seems an odd thing to do.

Hmmm. I’ve seen you have other threads. He is very clearly a nasty piece of work and I hope you continue with counselling and get away from him.