SAHM - Living on parents income - how do you work it out?

[TeaBookcats]

I’m a stay at home mum and this month I had my last maternity leave pay from work.

how do you work out your money on one income?

my partner gives me £800 but after all of my personal bills, my food, the animals food, most of my daughters food, clothing, nappies, wipes, baby groups, toiletries, petrol, toys etc I am left with not very much.

my partner earns £4,500 a month. I know £800 seems like a lot but with the price of everything, I seem to struggle at the end. And he doesn’t struggle at all. The house and bills are in his name but he goes halves with his mum as she has shared ownership of the house. He will not open a joint account or withdraw a set amount of cash to use for our daughter every month. I have to ask him if I need more and he gets noticeably annoyed if I do. He’s saying “I can’t handle my money, people that don’t handle money well amount to shit”.

I never buy myself anything, my clothes are second hand. The money I spend goes on the house and our daughter.

Please go back to work. You are leaving yourself in a very vulnerable position.

Yes as pp have mentioned he’d have to pay you maintenance and you’d be better off as you’d be entitled to other benefits too. These type of men only learn when women leave them and claim for every penny they’re entitled to but sadly many stay with them and give them permission to carry on behaving this way.

Yes I think you need a plan to go back to work, and move into your own place with your child. You can then claim any child maintenance and benefits you are entitled to.

Your life will be much better

You're a family, it should be joint income. All in one pot. Anything else is completely unfair.

If this were me, I'd get a full-time job and leave this guy.. He'd have to pay a lot of maintenance and you and your child will be much better off. He's obviously a shitty person, so it'd be win win.
Sorry, but I'm sick of hearing about these awful excuses for men and the multitude of things they get away with.
Don't put up with it!

I've just read your update about your past and attachment issues etc. So sorry 💐. It's always easier said than done to leave someone. No judgement from me, I stayed in an abusive relationship for 7 years!🤦🏻‍♀️ But it did teach me not to put up with shit ever again, and I hope this relationship does the same for you.

My DP earns roughly the same as yours and gives me half his earnings to keep everything running smoothly and it does. My exH gave me his bank card to sort everything out.
your partner is being unfair IMO.

My ex had many faults. But his wages went into a joint account I managed the money. He had a pension which he used as his spends. It was a generous amount each month but he never questioned his wages covering the cost of the family and home.

i SAHM to our 3 year old while boyfriend works and he gives me his full wage to pay everything (full wage every week bless him ) x

Honestly it doesn’t matter how others do it, it’s not going to change your circumstances. If you want more money you need to work and earn it yourself and go fifty fifty on child care costs. Or leave him and claim child maintenance based on the split of care.

I was never a SAHM but since we married all money is shared between DH and I regardless of who is the higher earner. We take out the same personal money every month and the rest goes in a joint account for all bills.

What in the name of god convinced you that having a child with this man was a good idea? He’s a prick, and you’re not married.

You need to get your own place and get back to work asap. Whilst you are doing that I would be so careful about spending the £800 and avoid spending anymore than absolutely necessary so you can build up an escape fund and get your debts cleared if he won’t help.

Buy cheaper food for you and him, avoid buying your daughter clothes and toys every month, don’t pay for any meals or takeaways yourself. Declutter and sell anything of yours you no longer need.

When you have left get the maintenance sorted through the CMS and do everything officially. He doesn’t sound like a great guy and whether you go now or in ten years, I don’t see much changing, so protect yourself as much as you can, but don’t tell him that’s what you are doing until you have somewhere else to go.

All our money is shared and nobody is watching what the other person spends.
you sound terribly unhappy and he sounds abusive.
please find a way to leave him and please try to keep your job

Tell him if it's his choice to earn well, it's your choice too. You're going back to work and he can pay for childcare. I presume you won't be able to be a SAHM when you've left him (definitely do this) so you might as well go back to work now so you're benefitting from some income, promotion opportunities etc in the meantime

My husband is a sahd. We have a joint account that my wages (£4,700) go into which pays for ALL the household bills. He gets £700 a month into his own account. From that he pays for tax and insurance on an old van that he wants to keep as he uses as it our second vehicle and our mobile phones as they are on his account. Apart from that it’s his money. You need to leave, this is financial abuse and it will only get worse, not better!

Please, just leave him. And whatever you do, do not have another child with him.

This isn't going to change. You aren't going to fix it by making suggestions of having a joint account or something like that. He doesn't give a shit about you or your baby

You would be hugely better off if you left him.

Errrr my husband and I share all our money/savings regardless of who earns what. Tbh I think any other set up in a supposedly loving and equal relationship is a bit odd, especially after children, but I know lots of couples do it differently. He sounds like a bit of a dick, though.

You being a SAHM whilst not married and not a home owner is a crazy idea. Your relationship is not good enough for you to take such risks with your life. You will end up having been out of work for years and with nothing in your name. You need to work and give yourself a good foundation so that if you or he decides to leave you will be fine too. Go back to work full time, share the cost of childcare fairly (ie you both pay a percentage based on income), and buy an investment property so you have somewhere to go should you need to.

TBF £800 a month, with no need to pay for housing or bills does seem like it should be enough for your day to day expenses. What are you spending it on?

Read the OP she spends it on food, her baby, the animals.

OP pack your baby and leave.

I think you need to go back to work full-time and make him pay his share of the nursery fees. You're in a vulnerable position atm. It will make it easier to leave if you eventually decide that that is best.

Never ever leave your job. This relationship won't last anyway and you'll be left with nothing. He asked you to leave his house few times, he will do it for good one day. What will you do without money? He's financial abuser. None of normal guys would treat his partner, mother of his child like that.

we split everything equally. equal spending money for person stuff once ALL bills are paid and our agreed savings have been automatically transferred into JOINT savings/rainy day. and the stay at home partner gets pension paid into too. truly equal. doesn't matter who's working more or less, as long as someone's picking up the slack on the childcare.

you need to go back to work fulltime and get out of what sounds like an awful, abusive and financially vulnerable situation you've found you and DC in....

This is financial abuse.

Which is domestic abuse.

Which exposing a child to is child abuse.

Full Sharing of all money now or leave and claim CMS. You will be so much better off!

I hope you arent unmarried and living in a house you have no rights to!?!