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Original poster

Can I use sons trust money to buy out my partner?

105 replies

Jessica8282 · 03/07/2022 09:03

Hi, I posted a while ago about my son inheriting a big lump of money.

Well we’re awaiting the sale of that family members house before we receive the money. All I know is that I will need to hold the money in trust for him until he’s 18. I haven’t spoken to the executor about this as I don’t know them (they’re not a family member) - but I think I am now going to need to talk to them due to what’s happened at home.

Quick overview; my son (13) and I live with my partner of 7 years, and his daughter visits every other weekend.

I’ve been unhappy in the relationship for quite a while, but trying to make it work to avoid any more disruption for my son, and because it’s not always bad - especially for the kids who get on incredibly well. However one of the reasons I am unhappy is that my partner has a nasty side that comes out occasionally, where he loses his temper unpredictably and starts yelling abuse.

Well that happened again this weekend, I won’t go into the details, but it was in front of our kids and over something ridiculously petty. It’s ruined the weekend, and everything really. I feel completely done with him.

Which leads me to what on earth am I going to do. We’ve just bought this house in 2020 it felt like we’d finally settled down and achieved stability. My son loves it here, it’s close to his school, friends, we have a dog, two cats etc. I can’t see us being able to afford anything more than a two bedroom flat in a not very nice area, and it breaks my heart thinking of putting him through that again (we went through it with his dad when he was 4).

So I want to try and find out if I can use the money he’s been left to help buy out my partner. I’m going to try and get actual advice in the next couple of days, but it really impacts what I do and say right now, knowing if I have a chance to do that. My thinking is that I would then sell (or remortgage if I could afford to then) when my son is 18 - or whenever he wants his money. I could move into a smaller flat at that point and wouldn’t really matter as it would just be me.

I’d really appreciate it if anyone with legal or financial knowledge about keeping money in trust could let me know if this sounds possible or not? Thanks

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:01

For a start, you can't put property into the name of a child under 18.

I don't think you should use your son's money to get you out of a tricky situation, no.

DasGirl · 03/07/2022 11:01

You may well find there are appointed trustees for the money in the terms of the will,
In our will we have we stipulated the trustees (2 very financially astute relatives) who would have control of the capital on behalf of DC until they reach 21 should anything happen to both DH and I. The trustees can spend it for benefit of DC but the decision on what would be appropriate spending would lie with the trustees

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 11:02

Those saying to ‘ignore’ people saying it’s immoral, the OP has posted about this money before, she’s had a lot of debt problems in the past so may not be the best person to be investing his money for one thing. But also her son doesn’t no about this money (unless she’s changed her mind from her decision not to tell him), so if she never sells up and gives the money back he would never even no. He was 11 back in January too not 13 so whilst he may be 12 now he’s not exactly near his GCSEs. The whole thing is sketchy and those of us saying it’s immoral are just being sensible and showing concern for the OPs child.

CovidHasCaughtUpWithMe · 03/07/2022 11:02

XPost @tirednessbecomesme .

I don’t see it as an issue if the OP is upfront with her dc.

CovidHasCaughtUpWithMe · 03/07/2022 11:04

knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:01

For a start, you can't put property into the name of a child under 18.

I don't think you should use your son's money to get you out of a tricky situation, no.

I’m surprised about that.

My dcs certain have their name on a property. It was done before they were 18yo too.

Original poster
Jessica8282 · 03/07/2022 11:05

Thank you. This. I haven’t really got the energy to fight my position with a bunch of strangers when I’m trying desperately to hold myself together enough to get through an extremely tough weekend in a house with him and the kids. Perhaps you can’t comprehend because you have the good fortune of never being in this kind of situation before.

I haven’t talked to my son about any of this yet. I wouldn’t let him know his home was under threat until I knew exactly what the plan was.

I just needed to sense check if there was even any point in getting legal advice at this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jessica8282 · 03/07/2022 11:07

CovidHasCaughtUpWithMe · 03/07/2022 10:54

I don’t think it’s immoral at all if the OP doesn’t just use the money to buy a house at her name only which then Leaves her ds with no inheritance at all.

I also very much doubt she would do that for the simple reason that it would totally destroy her relationship with her ds.

But coming from a place of looking out for his well-being, staying close with friends, arraying on going to the same school. THAT is going have a huge impact on her ds life and his well-being.
In the same way, that money could be used to pay, let’s say for a child psychologist or some specific training in a sport he is highly involved in (let’s say her ds swims and has the potential to join the team GB - you get the picture). Whatever.

Show quote history

I was replying to this.

OP posts:
DasGirl · 03/07/2022 11:07

@CovidHasCaughtUpWithMe is it through a trust?
I was certainly told my our solicitor that under 18s couldn't own property in their name

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 11:12

You don’t have to fight your position with us OP, but to ignore people talking about the morality of it because you are stressed is dangerous and something you could regret down the line, it’s important, so please give it some thought. And if you are going to use his money this way I do think he should no that it exists at the very least so that he is prepared for the fact the house will be sold for him when he’s older.

Original poster
Jessica8282 · 03/07/2022 11:18

I had imagined that I would be upfront about that with him from the beginning.

I’m not sure what else to do, the alternatives are not great. So forgive me for exploring this idea.

OP posts:
Eightiesfan · 03/07/2022 11:19

I don’t think OP was planning on keeping this from her son, if I was in his position, I would have no issue with my mum using money from my trust to buy the house where I live and was happy in. She will not be benefitting financially so how is it immoral?

It’s almost as if some of you want her to move her son to somewhere neither of them will be happy.

Blowthemandown · 03/07/2022 11:20

I think while you can’t use the money itself you may be able to transfer the trust to a different property with the same beneficiary (your son) but it depends how it is set up. Does someone else have the right to live there meantime for example. Not an expert so you need legal advice. Hopefully the trustee(s) are a solicitor not an individual so can explain it. However, you’d need to line up the timings well to make it work.

knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:22

CovidHasCaughtUpWithMe · 03/07/2022 11:04

I’m surprised about that.

My dcs certain have their name on a property. It was done before they were 18yo too.

Show quote history

In England minors can not own property in their own right. There would need to be a legal owner who is 18 and over.

EnterACloud · 03/07/2022 11:26

Eightiesfan · 03/07/2022 11:19

I don’t think OP was planning on keeping this from her son, if I was in his position, I would have no issue with my mum using money from my trust to buy the house where I live and was happy in. She will not be benefitting financially so how is it immoral?

It’s almost as if some of you want her to move her son to somewhere neither of them will be happy.

She may not be benefiting financially but nor will he unless there’s a rock solid contract that means he must be paid back at 18. The money was left to him, not her.

It’s about protecting his property not wanting him to live somewhere shit now. They’re unrelated. I can’t take money out of my mother’s bank account because I want to redecorate her house. That’s her money and she can choose to spend it on that or not, but I can’t choose for her even if she’s the one who benefits.

In this case the one with the money is a child and so technically OP may be able to spend the money. But the question is is staying in the house where he now lives rather than moving to a flat really going to benefit his life more than having perhaps enough for his own house deposit in the future?

BattenburgDonkey · 03/07/2022 11:26

Eightiesfan · 03/07/2022 11:19

I don’t think OP was planning on keeping this from her son, if I was in his position, I would have no issue with my mum using money from my trust to buy the house where I live and was happy in. She will not be benefitting financially so how is it immoral?

It’s almost as if some of you want her to move her son to somewhere neither of them will be happy.

She was planning to keep the inheritance secret from her son until he’s 18, i remember it from her previous thread, hence why I said I think it’d be better if he knows about it given the circumstances.

knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:34

There are so many issues with having this money tied up in the family home. What if op can't pay the mortgage or gets into financial difficulties (sounds likely if other posts are correct)and the house is repossessed? Her son's inheritance will be gone.

bluelavender · 03/07/2022 11:37

A Trust can hold property; as well as other assets. The child can then access the assets within the Trust when they come of age. The Trust needs to be managed by people who will act in the Child's best interests.

OP; the scenario that you've explored in your post is feasible; but it may be sensible to think about whether someone else should be the Trustee for your son's assets moving forward; if you do end up putting all or part of the property that you are both living in into the Trust for your son.

knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:43

bluelavender · 03/07/2022 11:37

A Trust can hold property; as well as other assets. The child can then access the assets within the Trust when they come of age. The Trust needs to be managed by people who will act in the Child's best interests.

OP; the scenario that you've explored in your post is feasible; but it may be sensible to think about whether someone else should be the Trustee for your son's assets moving forward; if you do end up putting all or part of the property that you are both living in into the Trust for your son.

That may be true, but the op seems to have a mortgage on the house. If the house was owned outright that it's possible to have a bare trust (think that's what it's called), but not sure a mortgage company would agree to something like this.

knittingaddict · 03/07/2022 11:46

This is a similar situation and explains some of the potential issues with trusts and mortgages:

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5585666/mortgage-and-bare-trusts

There is probably more info about this.

CJsGoldfish · 03/07/2022 11:52

I wouldn’t let him know his home was under threat until I knew exactly what the plan was
This is SO manipulative. Really emotionally fucked up.
So the OP is going to use her sons money to get out of a shit position she put them in and make sure the 13 yr old knows it is all up to HIM to save them.

adorablecat · 03/07/2022 11:54

Your son's inheritance and your desire to leave your partner are separate issues. I think you should keep them separate. A large lump sum is obviously tempting, but most parents house and raise their children without one. Presumably his father pays maintenance?

cottagegardenflower · 03/07/2022 12:00

Of course not. It's in trust for your son.

ermagerdabear · 03/07/2022 12:08

I assume the OP is wanting to use the money to pay off her partner, not the mortgage, so is giving it away so to speak. She will then have to continue to pay the mortgage herself and what happens if she can't and then house is repossessed? That's an extreme example but has to be taken into consideration.

The money belongs to her son. It should be forgotten about by the OP til he comes of age to claim it himself.

AngelaChasesBestLife · 03/07/2022 12:22

OP - look up the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (STEP.) They are the professional body for lawyers etc who specialise in trusts and estates work. They have a member datebase of members who are qualified to give the type of legal advice you need (look for those with the TEP designation.)

Original poster
Jessica8282 · 03/07/2022 14:08

AngelaChasesBestLife · 03/07/2022 12:22

OP - look up the Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners (STEP.) They are the professional body for lawyers etc who specialise in trusts and estates work. They have a member datebase of members who are qualified to give the type of legal advice you need (look for those with the TEP designation.)

Thank you, that’s really helpful.

OP posts: