Can I use sons trust money to buy out my partner?

[Jessica8282]

Hi, I posted a while ago about my son inheriting a big lump of money.

Well we’re awaiting the sale of that family members house before we receive the money. All I know is that I will need to hold the money in trust for him until he’s 18. I haven’t spoken to the executor about this as I don’t know them (they’re not a family member) - but I think I am now going to need to talk to them due to what’s happened at home.

Quick overview; my son (13) and I live with my partner of 7 years, and his daughter visits every other weekend.

I’ve been unhappy in the relationship for quite a while, but trying to make it work to avoid any more disruption for my son, and because it’s not always bad - especially for the kids who get on incredibly well. However one of the reasons I am unhappy is that my partner has a nasty side that comes out occasionally, where he loses his temper unpredictably and starts yelling abuse.

Well that happened again this weekend, I won’t go into the details, but it was in front of our kids and over something ridiculously petty. It’s ruined the weekend, and everything really. I feel completely done with him.

Which leads me to what on earth am I going to do. We’ve just bought this house in 2020 it felt like we’d finally settled down and achieved stability. My son loves it here, it’s close to his school, friends, we have a dog, two cats etc. I can’t see us being able to afford anything more than a two bedroom flat in a not very nice area, and it breaks my heart thinking of putting him through that again (we went through it with his dad when he was 4).

So I want to try and find out if I can use the money he’s been left to help buy out my partner. I’m going to try and get actual advice in the next couple of days, but it really impacts what I do and say right now, knowing if I have a chance to do that. My thinking is that I would then sell (or remortgage if I could afford to then) when my son is 18 - or whenever he wants his money. I could move into a smaller flat at that point and wouldn’t really matter as it would just be me.

I’d really appreciate it if anyone with legal or financial knowledge about keeping money in trust could let me know if this sounds possible or not? Thanks

what decent 18+ year old is going to feel comfortable with forcing their mum to sell their home so they can have money?

This^
I know a family where a payout from an accident the teenage son had was used to buy a property in his name and he lived there with his mum when his parents split.

He went off to university and left his mum in the house and he only managed to get his hands on it and sell it in his late 20s when his mum remarried. He wasn't going to give her notice to leave and turf her out and she clearly saw it as her home too

I dont know if this is possible legally ,but morally it seems off to me .It belongs to your Son! Its all very well saying you would sell ,but houses go up and down too ,you could be left with a loss. Speak to the Executor ,but I dont think this is something they would entertainTBH.

Agree with this too

If the property is owned outright with no mortgage then you could possibly form a trust with your son's inheritance, the trust which would then be a separate legal entity could then purchase a share of the house so it would be owned jointly by the trust and yourself. To be fair you should then pay the trust 50% (assuming you owned the property 50/50) market rent as it is your responsibility to house your ds until he's an adult. If the property is mortgaged then you would need to get your lender's agreement which might not be so straightforward, I think it might be best to discuss this with a legal professional.

Seeing that the idea is for you to buy somewhere you can BOTH live in, I can see your point. Also the fact that it’s about his well-being, staying close to friends, school etc…

I can also see it’s HIS money and you shouldn’t use it for your benefit.

I think you need legal advice on that first and foremost. THEN you can contact the trustees.
I imagine a lot will depend on who the trustees are too. Do you know?

That’s nothing to do with the executor and they are the last people who should be involve.

the executor will ensure her ds will receive the inheritance, put in a trust (as organised by the will?)

What ever happens soon after or in 2 or 5 years time is not their problem

It is absolutely the "problem" of the trustees to ensure the money is managed properly
And of course they'll be involved, don't talk nonsense!

@Johnnysgirl I think the other poster was making a distinction between the executor of the will, and the trustees of the eventual inheritance. They’re not necessarily going to be the same people.

I think that it could get very murky OP.

I know that the money would solve a problem, but it's very much his money.

What if he wants the money at a later date and the only way to get it is to force his mother out of her house. Or if your son somehow becomes your landlord. I can see why you think this will fix the immediate issue, but I also think that it will cause more problems than it'll solve.

Oh, right. Sorry, I thought it was obvious the original poster was referring to the executors of the trust.

Ok thanks for the thoughtful replies (not entirely sure everyone actually read the post, or understood it, so I’m just going to ignore the replies that seem to be replies without any actual knowledge or understanding - or even empathy).

I will be the only trustee. My only concern is that he has a stable home until he is adult, and then that he has all the money that is due to him plus any interest that would naturally accrue. After that I’ll just move into a flat, it doesn’t really matter then does it.

Some of you seem to be echoing what I was thinking, that with the correct legal agreement around the ownership of the house, it could be feasible.

I’m going to try and get decent legal advice tomorrow.

How will you be the only trustee? Did the inheritance stipulate that it's to be held in trust?

I’m not an expert, but I do think that you might be able to do this in order to provide him with a place to live. You should get proper legal advice and you will probably not be able to benefit financially from any increased equity on the property when he turns 18, but other than that it does not sound like an unreasonable request.

You need some legal advice- from a Trusts specialist; but they will need to know what arrangements are in place under the will (there may be restrictions about the type of Trust his inheritance can go into)
Your son also ideally needs independent legal representation to protect his interests.

Everything should be done on the basis of his best interests. It may therefore be in his best interests to stay where he is; it could also be in his best interests for the Funds to be invested for university fees/ living costs or for private schooling now.

So you are just going to ignore the replies telling you it’s immoral? And you are the only trustee but are thinking of spending his money how you see fit? That’s pretty diabolical. Hopefully he is atleast in full agreement with this plan.

Can't he trust buy your partner out?

I highly doubt it, although it depends on the terms of the trust.

OP I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I doubt anyone here can advise you, even in principle, because it is so specific to the actual arrangements that are in place for your son's inheritance. I'm glad you are going to get legal advice, I think it certainly sounds possible to do.

Please ignore the posters saying it's 'immoral' and other nasty comments.

It's clear you are trying to find a remedy for both of you to be secure if this relationship ends and want to be able to give your son the inheritance when he was originally due to get it.

I can see this still being fraught with challenges though so only a qualified legal expert in the area can really help. Best of luck 🙏🏻

As others have said, you need proper legal advice. I would think it will depend on exactly what the will says should be done about the money your son inherits. I was an executor of an estate, and three beneficiaries were children, under the age of 18, so we had to think long and hard about what to do with the money, as we were responsible. In the end we just put the money into NSI index linked certificates, which in the current inflation situation is great, but historically wasn’t so good. We took the view that we couldn’t risk the money in any way, so based our decision on that

I think everyone has understood your question. Some people agree with you and others don’t.

from your tone where you say “After that I’ll just move into a flat, it doesn’t really matter then does it.” you sound pretty self pitying and if you say that to your son in 5 years there’s no flipping chance he’s going to say “you’re right mum, off you pop to a flat”. You know that.

i had a small inheritance that was held in trust and my parents couldn’t touch it. They said when I was an adult that they found this very hard as we had money worries when I was a child and the money was really needed then rather than as a lump sum for me later. It may be selfish but I think the money has done me far more good as an adult than it would have done helping pay the mortgage when I was young. It would have made my parents’ lives less stressful and of course I’m sorry they went through that but it’s been a big help saving towards a deposit and benefiting my future like it was intended to by the person who left it, rather than helping my parents to raise me. I feel awful writing that tbh but it’s the truth.

I don’t think it’s immoral at all if the OP doesn’t just use the money to buy a house at her name only which then Leaves her ds with no inheritance at all.

I also very much doubt she would do that for the simple reason that it would totally destroy her relationship with her ds.

But coming from a place of looking out for his well-being, staying close with friends, arraying on going to the same school. THAT is going have a huge impact on her ds life and his well-being.
In the same way, that money could be used to pay, let’s say for a child psychologist or some specific training in a sport he is highly involved in (let’s say her ds swims and has the potential to join the team GB - you get the picture). Whatever.

I've read your post and from what you have said it would mean your Son would of been 6 years old when you met your current partner and you said you split with your Sons bio dad when he was 4. It's your responsibility to provide for your own DC with your own money not your Sons. At 13 your Son is old enough to be aware of what's going on it's very unfair on him.

Your not going to get everyone agreeing with you how can you be so patronising.

I think this is dodgy. You want to use your son’s money to escape an abusive relationship. That I understand. But look at the possible consequences. At 18, you would have to sell the house and give your son his money back with the added increase in value. So if he paid for 50% of the house, and it increased in value by 25%, the amount you’d have to pay back would also have increased by 25%. You would also have to pay half the rental value into his fund whilst you’re living there - can you afford to do that now as well as paying the mortgage on your half?
I think you need to look at other ways of leaving your partner for now. After all, it could be months before the trust fund is set up.

I don't think I'd be happy if I was your son and found out later you used my money to buy yourself out of a bad relationship choice?

@Jessica8282 on the top of some legal advice to protect your ds inheritance, I think you REALLY need to be very upfront with your ds and tell him what the arrangement is.

My two dcs have had a huge gift given to them by their grand parents. The money like this just has no meaning to them at that age. £1000 is already a huge sum. £40k or £200k aren’t amount they can get their head around iyswim.
But they need to know that money is there, how is going to be used etc…
If it’s in a trust, will he have access when he is 18yo or 25yo?
If you buy out the house (assuming your DP is happy for you to do so…..), he needs to know about the arrangement, including how and when he can get his money.
Of course, as others have pointed out, housing market can collapse. It can recover too. But whatever way that money is invested (because it is right? With inflation at 10+%, please tell me it’s been invested!), there will always be a risk.