spent all money.

[BB847]

I never thought Id be in this situation let alone writing this, I always thought Id be sensible with money. Now that I need to spend, Ive got nothing to spend. Im being honest but dont bash me, ive already done that to myself. Ill never make this mistake again!

So we agreed start of this year that Instead of contributing as much to the household Id get a hundred or so to put away and save into my own account for bigger purchases on myself like learning to drive etc. I dont work but hope to start next year.

Unfortunately I found that if I wanted to spend on myself like clothes I needed or treats however simple Id have to pay for it out of the amount. I dont get nice treats from him or anyone and Ive been miserable for years and years, so there was also a spiteful element to it and ive bit my own nose off. Now I really wish I had sat down with myself and carefully chosen a reasonable amount and budgeted because Im not happy with how much tat Ive bought with how much ive spent. I cant say it was worth it and ive got nothing to show for it. it wasnt even anything nice like a meal in a pub. it was things like amazon spends on things I didnt need and give no improvement to my life. I took the piss with how much I could reasonably spend on certain items. I dont know how ive done it either and I dread to look. nothing can be sent back. I may have some sort of shopping addiction!

DP asked if Id blown all my money but I didnt want abuse, Id never hear the end of it. He was relieved when I said I hadnt. He has no idea just how much Ive spent! Things need paying for now, I dont know what to say! The allowance isnt much, If I save up the allowance until the end of the year, I can just about muster up the cost of driving lessons , after that theres fuck all that I can afford. Ill have to tough it out for the rest of the year, its a cruel lesson to learn. I dont know what excuse Im going to come up with when he suggests I buy something and I cant.

I feel so alone. And without this money I feel a bit vulnerable too. Everyone else seems to be a lot more sensible with their money. I clearly cant be trusted. Im not sure what I want to get out of this post.

OP, ask for this to be moved to relationships. I think there's more to this than you realise.

100 a month?

There are plenty of people who are not sensible with money. Like anything else money management/ budgeting has to be learned.

Do you have any income other than this 'allowance'?

Op please done be hard on yourself. This sounds like a financially abusive relationship. You are an adult and deserve to have financial autonomy. Can you get a job? Do you have any support like family locally?

There's more to this story .

What kind of disposable income does your partner have OP? Prior to this arrangement, we’re you able to buy clothes etc from the household budget?

100 or so, so anything from a hundred to 200. were on benefits which makes it worse, it is a joint claim. I used to contribute all.

Its not really financial abuse because this is all he can afford to give me

£100 a month 'disposable' income for clothes/misc spends is actually pretty decent.
As long as the household bills are paid plus food, I don't see what the problem is?
I take it he gets the same disposable amount as yourself? As I can't see there being too much left after priority bills if you are both on benefits and not working.
As long as you are not getting into debt to make purchases with your monthly allowance, I really don't see the problem.

It sounds like you don’t have the luxury of waiting until next year to work.

What “abuse” would you get if you told him?

Is it possible for you to work?

@BlobbyBlobster

Its not just for clothes and fun items though. Had I saved it for what it was meant to go on thered be very little for that.

Ill have to look into it a bit more but so far from what Ive seen its not worth it

are you able to go out and earn?

Did you have it saved up for driving lessons only? Or was it saved for an important joint purchase?
If it was just the driving lessons, I would say to him that you are struggling to get in with an instructor as there is a covid backlog.
Driving is so expensive these days anyway, it might be best to put it on hold for a short while anyway.
Insurance is so high for newly passed driver, car running costs, fuel, tax etc.
could you maybe use this as an excuse if you are worried what he will say?

That way you could start saving again.

When first reading I thought this was about a girl referring to her father. Not good!

Don’t beat your self up OP. Firstly benefits are set far too low to afford driving lesions, it’s meant to be basic existence only. I’m not surprised you can’t save money on only £25 per week spends!

Does he also get the same amount of money to spend on what he wants? Or does he get more? Less?

I wasnt going to start work until next year when we move. From what Ive seen theres nothing available that I could do where we are as the commute is too long. I dont want to give out my whereabouts either sorry

If you can (not a full-time carer or illness/disability) it's always better off to work.
It may not look like it, the money vs benefits may look the same but work will have opportunity to do extra.
it's an old saying but true you can't put a Saturday in on the dole.
does your DP work?

It’s always worth it to work: it’s not just the income now, but getting the experience to apply for higher paying jobs over time and things like building a pension.

If you’ve been getting £100 a month only since the start of this year then it’s not the end of the world, it isn’t as though you’ve wasted thousands. If does mean you’ll have to defer your driving lessons: and knowing you don’t have anyone else to blame for that might end up being good motivation going forward, every time you’re tempted to buy something you don’t need, to firmly tell yourself that you mustn’t.

If you’re both working surely it’s financially worth it? That’s the only way you’re both going to have more money for things like meals out, holidays, driving lessons. Apologies if there’s a reason you both can’t work, but you’ll both feel happier and have more disposable cash in work

Do either of you work? I really dont understand the set up. Are there children? Why cant you work?

£25 a week for all spending is poor.

Could you explain this a bit more @BB847 when you say you used to contribute all were you the only one receiving benefits and paid for everything?

Can you give more details of your incomings and outgoings?

Do you have a computer/laptop with internet access? There are lots of home working jobs now. I have seen plenty of customer service jobs working from home paying starting salary's of £20,000 for 37 hours a week.
That could help with commuting if your location means it's hard to find work without transport.