spent all money.

[BB847]

I never thought Id be in this situation let alone writing this, I always thought Id be sensible with money. Now that I need to spend, Ive got nothing to spend. Im being honest but dont bash me, ive already done that to myself. Ill never make this mistake again!

So we agreed start of this year that Instead of contributing as much to the household Id get a hundred or so to put away and save into my own account for bigger purchases on myself like learning to drive etc. I dont work but hope to start next year.

Unfortunately I found that if I wanted to spend on myself like clothes I needed or treats however simple Id have to pay for it out of the amount. I dont get nice treats from him or anyone and Ive been miserable for years and years, so there was also a spiteful element to it and ive bit my own nose off. Now I really wish I had sat down with myself and carefully chosen a reasonable amount and budgeted because Im not happy with how much tat Ive bought with how much ive spent. I cant say it was worth it and ive got nothing to show for it. it wasnt even anything nice like a meal in a pub. it was things like amazon spends on things I didnt need and give no improvement to my life. I took the piss with how much I could reasonably spend on certain items. I dont know how ive done it either and I dread to look. nothing can be sent back. I may have some sort of shopping addiction!

DP asked if Id blown all my money but I didnt want abuse, Id never hear the end of it. He was relieved when I said I hadnt. He has no idea just how much Ive spent! Things need paying for now, I dont know what to say! The allowance isnt much, If I save up the allowance until the end of the year, I can just about muster up the cost of driving lessons , after that theres fuck all that I can afford. Ill have to tough it out for the rest of the year, its a cruel lesson to learn. I dont know what excuse Im going to come up with when he suggests I buy something and I cant.

I feel so alone. And without this money I feel a bit vulnerable too. Everyone else seems to be a lot more sensible with their money. I clearly cant be trusted. Im not sure what I want to get out of this post.

Do you have a bank account of your own?

Do you think he's got you down as carer?
Do you have any children at home?
are you much younger than him?

sorry for the grilling but if you really want an out (I'm guessing that's why driving feels so critical) you need to give a better outline.

OP, it sounds as though it was an emotional reaction to being mistreated and feeling alone in your relationship. Don't beat yourself up.

So neither of you work and your trying to do driving lessons? Why doesn't your partner work OP?

Moving is really expensive! Lots of people commute to work OP and have travel expenses... there must be some jobs near you? Care home, supermarket, administration work? You need your own money.

If you just wanted to vent, fine, you've done that.

But so many questions - how old are you? Do you have any children? Why aren't you looking for work? What keeps you in this ridiculous relationship? Do you have a disability yourself?

You don't need help with your spending you need help to get out of the relationship.

sorry hes being abusive-the driving lessons sound like a re herring though hes trying to control all the money

you need to get out of there

@KilljoysDutch op quite clearly said it is a joint claim. Not sure why you’re insisting he is a prince among men. Projection?

op, leave. Pack your things and leave. You wont be worse off.

I think it's best if you contact Women's Aid. They will give you non judgemental advice and help you to escape an abusive relationship.

Also contact the Citizen's Advice bureau. You may qualify for Carer's allowance which is paid directly into your own account.

I'm still baffled how you can get a joint claim for benefits without any input from you? There would be regular contact from the job centre if you're down as capable for work. All I can think is that your partner hasn't included you on his claim or is claiming fraudulently?

As I said you can pick up cleaning work locally, unless you live on a desert island this work will need to be declared to your advisor at the job centre and they will help you get a UTR code.
Call the job centre tomorrow to find out what's happening with your claim.

What happened before you agreed that you would have ‘a hundred or so’ a month earlier this year ?

He can’t give you money if he hasn’t got any after bills, food and fuel but if you are down as a joint claim you should have access to the details of the claim.

Apart from waiting to move, assuming that you won’t find a job and the commute is there any other reason that you don’t work?

This relationship doesn't sound right at all. If it's a joint claim why are you not getting the same amount each? I don't get it. He may be on more by the sounds of it but if your living as a couple so it should be fair? You need to find a job and get your own income then reevaluate your relationship.

How old are you?
Do you have kids?

If you are both on benefits how do you have enough leftover for you to have £100.00 a month to spend on what you like and he has between £100.00 & £200.00 for himself? When I was on benefits I had £10.00 a week left after paying my rent and bills.

What is limiting your commute? If he is nit transparent about the household income and limiting your "allowance" from it he is financially abusive, especially if you are fearful of admitting you have spent it. Why is larger expenses your sole responsibility? Find a job, earn some money even if cafe, garden centre, shop, cleaning, pub. Many will advertised at the venue. How hard have you looked, are you qualified and does he dismiss anything you do find?

@BB847 please come back to give more info about your situation. We can help you untangle what's going on and if we know the full picture, we can help you work out a happier life.

I agree. We had a period on UC when my husband was left disabled for a year after falling off a roof at work. Despite getting some extra allowance for disability, it was almost impossible. After rent and bills, I had around £50 a week to feed a family of four and to live on.
It was a massive struggle to pay the upkeep and petrol on a clapped out second hand car. There's no way we could buy any luxuries or treat ourselves.

All I can assume is that Op moved in with his partner and his mother at the start of this year and their benefits are essentially pocket money because mum is looking after them.

That explains why Op only needs money for driving lessons. Someone else is paying everything, housing and feeding them.

You say he started putting £100 in your account in January this year. What income were you relying on before this?
How hasn't he noticed you spending it on Amazon?

I hope this isn't made up just to invite some "benefit bashing" but so much of this doesn't add up.
It's not called "signing on" for nothing. To be part of a joint benefit claim requires attending the job centre for an interview, verifying identity and having regular appointments with a work coach in person, i.e: signing on.

Because UC is paid to one claimant only, even in joint claims, not split.

The potential for this being abused was flagged up prior to the introduction of UC, as the result of which provision for split payments to be made in cases of financial abuse was included, but I don't know how easy it is to get that in place.

If the OP claimed carer's allowance, it would be paid to her, but then deducted from the UC paid to her partner.

However, that would be partly offset by the carer's element, around £165 a month, which would be added.

OP, it's worth checking that the carer's element is included in the UC. You don't have to be getting carer's allowance to have the element added, just providing care for 35 hours pw. It won't be paid to you, but could add a bit to your UC if it's not already being paid.

Check your own projection I was just pointing out that he was registered disabled and there was obviously more to the story which has now been shown. Never called him a prince among men This is why I don't bother posting here anymore such rudeness when anyone disagrees.

Could you do work closer to home, such as cleaning?

We pay our cleaner £15 per hour, which seems to be pretty normal nowadays; would you consider putting a card up in a local shop offering your services?

That’s a very sad life you’re describing. Actively look for a job & start earning your own money. Then you can start to build your own life.