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Original poster

Can’t afford 2nd child ? So do i have one ? Life too short !

58 replies

Pinkpantslady · 07/02/2022 18:36

I have a little baby ( 4 months ) . Soon I will return to work .

I work full time , after all expenses / tax come out I earn about £ 85 a day . Nursery costs £50 a day .
This means I will make about £35 a day . So about £175 a week .

However if I had a second child it would cost me more to send the children to nursery than I earn .

My husband earns an ok wage and whilst I am on maternity he is covering my loss of earnings but we don’t have much money left over . We are entitled to no benefits and we have no family who can look after baby .

We want another baby but if we do we will have to live off husbands wage solely and basically we will have hardly any disposable income at all once bills are paid off .

So what do we do ?
Do I just have another baby ASAP so they years of being utterly broke are over as quickly as possible ???
my husband is a lot older ( 50s) so time isn’t on our side so I can’t wait until Ds is at school before we have another !
Or do I stick with one and always regret it ?!

I have always worked . I’m not into designer brands and am quite happy so long as bills are paid but I’ve never not had any money . I’m scared that if DH is only earner and we are super skint It might lead to stress . But I know DH and I want another baby and I don’t see any other option . I know you get free hours when children are 3 so this will help then . Do I just try for another baby and deal with the lack of money as life is too short ? Or do I just have to stick to one baby ?

DH is Happy to go along with another baby but I’m not sure he understands how little money it will mean we have !

OP posts:
RussianSpy101 · 07/02/2022 18:38

Stick to one baby. Not fair on the DC or yourselves.

Michellexxx · 07/02/2022 18:41

Yo would wait a while- can either of you earn some extra money? You definitely won’t be able to afford 2 nursery fees, so you would have to wait until first baby is closer to 3.. if you were going to do it at all. But try and find a way to get more hours or a better paying job if possible.

Michellexxx · 07/02/2022 18:42

Also have you calculated the saving from tax free childcare for nursery fees? Can either of you do consolidated hours?

Nevilleslongbottom · 07/02/2022 18:44

You get 30 free hours from the school term they turn three. Can you not wait until then? It’s not that long.

Changes17 · 07/02/2022 18:45

Have an age gap? I had four years between mine, which meant the oldest started school several months after the youngest was born. So the nursery fees went on longer but were more affordable at the time.

Changes17 · 07/02/2022 18:45

By then, too, your situation may change - no need to rush into the decision.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/02/2022 18:46

How old are you?

VerveClique · 07/02/2022 18:47

I’m so sorry to say this again, but…

Childcare is a household expense
You work for your pension and your self esteem as well as cash at the time
Childcare is a time-limited and relatively calculable expense

You can get by on surprisingly little.

Only you know about how household income OP. But I would really advise you to take the above mindset. Drives me nuts when women who are in a relationship with the child’s father say ‘I’m only left with £x after childcare’ or ‘DH is helping me out financially’.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/02/2022 18:50

A childminder might be cheaper and give you a siblings discount, but you'd still be working to keep your pension payments up and your career ticking over for the time you have two under three... Part time might be a good balance and leave you no worse off than full time for a couple of years...

I'd say wait so you wouldn't give birth til your oldest is 3 if its really up to the wire financially... that's under a two year wait to ttc - your husband's age is against you yes, but does it make any difference now? He's already got a newborn in his 50s - an extra two years probably makes no odds!

Original poster
Pinkpantslady · 07/02/2022 18:50

I am 33. I earn £40k a year but after tax , student loan , NI comes out it works out to about £85 a day .

The reason for not wanting an age gap is my husband is already 54 and I feel it’s unfair if my child is born abs husband is 58 .

I just feel so sad that we can both work , claim nothing abs still can’t afford to either send 2 to nursery or live off one wage . How sad in this day and age people can’t afford a second baby .

OP posts:
lucylucyapplejuicy · 07/02/2022 18:52

We are currently living off one wage, until DC2 turns 3 and will be eligible for 30 free hours when I go back to work. It can be tight at the moment and we don't do big expensive holidays or splash the cash on Luxury's. But we are very happy and know it's only for the short term

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/02/2022 18:52

Some places offer a sibling discount

You and dh could each drop to a 4 day week with you being off every Monday and him every Friday then there is only Tues-Thurs needed for childcare

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/02/2022 18:52

VerveClique is 100% right though - your husband shouldn't be "helping you put" with the cost of his baby! If you're married and both wanted the child the costs are his every bit as much as yours and money and costs should be mutual!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/02/2022 18:53

Do you have high living costs?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/02/2022 18:53

Pinkpantslady its nothing new - we moved abroad to afford to go down to one wage when I was pregnant with my dc2 15 years ago.

Octoblockisadick · 07/02/2022 18:53

If your child is 4 months old now, they would get the 30 free hours the January after they turn 3, so January 2025.
If you take a year of maternity leave with baby 2, them being born any time around/ after January 2024 would mean no or little time of paying double fees.
9 months of pregnancy would mean you could conceive any time from around March 2023 and not have to pay double fees, that's only a year from now.

Maybe consider what you can afford, and go from there? Could you afford 6 months of double fees? So start trying for baby 2 in the summer, knowing even if you get pregnant first month of trying it would only be 6 months of double fees before the free hours kicked in?

Bearing in mind wrap around childcare before and after school can still be really expensive!

nancy75 · 07/02/2022 18:53

I would be reluctant at the moment, with fuel & food prices rising rapidly you could go from getting by to not getting by quite quickly

Purplependant222 · 07/02/2022 18:54

Have you got any equity in your house to remortgage to at least bring down your mortgage repayments?

Octoblockisadick · 07/02/2022 18:58

Also like a previous poster said, any chance you and DH could each drop to 4 days so only 3 days childcare needed?

Or possibly compressed Full time hours over 4 days? So no wage drop but less childcare fees?

Or could one of you change your hours and start work in the afternoon and work until evening? So only half days childcare would be needed.

There are a few options, but it would depend on how flexible your jobs are really.

SoManyTshirts · 07/02/2022 18:59

I’d stick with one. Your DH is going to be over 70 by the time the baby finishes school, it’s already going to be a struggle - for you and the child/children.

VerveClique · 07/02/2022 19:01

How about your DH becomes a SAHD, or works very part time? You earn OK money unless you have extra high living costs. If that’s totally not feasible then it’s probably because your DH is earning well (in which e why is the cost of children falling to you alone?).

I’d advise any woman in your situation to keep well up to date career-wise.

VerveClique · 07/02/2022 19:03

Also, beware of compressed working weeks over 4 days. Knackering and no flexibility. Better to drop a day altogether if you can.

BuritoCat · 07/02/2022 19:04

I'd stick to one. Prices and taxes are rising to quick and wages aren't. That income will be a lot harder to live off.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 07/02/2022 19:06

How much does your husband earn?

If you earn similar amounts it would be better for the family for him to go part time actually, as your career has longer to run and presumably he's already been paying into his pension for 25 years give or take...

peboh · 07/02/2022 19:07

@nancy75

I would be reluctant at the moment, with fuel & food prices rising rapidly you could go from getting by to not getting by quite quickly
I have to agree with this. The cost of living is set to rise massively over the next year or so. I don't know that it would be fair to you as a family to add another child in the mix that you may not be able to afford. Would you rather give the child that you have a nice life, or add another child and struggle to get by?
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