Can’t afford 2nd child ? So do i have one ? Life too short !

[Pinkpantslady]

I have a little baby ( 4 months ) . Soon I will return to work .

I work full time , after all expenses / tax come out I earn about £ 85 a day . Nursery costs £50 a day .
This means I will make about £35 a day . So about £175 a week .

However if I had a second child it would cost me more to send the children to nursery than I earn .

My husband earns an ok wage and whilst I am on maternity he is covering my loss of earnings but we don’t have much money left over . We are entitled to no benefits and we have no family who can look after baby .

We want another baby but if we do we will have to live off husbands wage solely and basically we will have hardly any disposable income at all once bills are paid off .

So what do we do ?
Do I just have another baby ASAP so they years of being utterly broke are over as quickly as possible ???
my husband is a lot older ( 50s) so time isn’t on our side so I can’t wait until Ds is at school before we have another !
Or do I stick with one and always regret it ?!

I have always worked . I’m not into designer brands and am quite happy so long as bills are paid but I’ve never not had any money . I’m scared that if DH is only earner and we are super skint It might lead to stress . But I know DH and I want another baby and I don’t see any other option . I know you get free hours when children are 3 so this will help then . Do I just try for another baby and deal with the lack of money as life is too short ? Or do I just have to stick to one baby ?

DH is Happy to go along with another baby but I’m not sure he understands how little money it will mean we have !

What's your career? Is there a way either you or DH can flex a bit, work evenings or weekends?
In your situation I'd probably have the second sooner rather than later due to DHs age, but only if I could make the sums work.

@Pinkpantslady

I am 33. I earn £40k a year but after tax , student loan , NI comes out it works out to about £85 a day .

The reason for not wanting an age gap is my husband is already 54 and I feel it’s unfair if my child is born abs husband is 58 .

I just feel so sad that we can both work , claim nothing abs still can’t afford to either send 2 to nursery or live off one wage . How sad in this day and age people can’t afford a second baby .

Leave a gap of two years, have another baby then free care covered. Supply teaching for a time would be sensible. OH dropping a day at work would be good too

I'd change your mindset and stick at one. The costs are massive throughout childhood and the future is so uncertain financially and environmentally. Why risk your and your child's happy, secure future. You don't need 2 kids. Embrace what you have and enjoy being financially secure.

@labyrinthlaziness

I disagree that 58 is too old to be a second-time father, personally.

Many children have fathers who die young, and many children have fathers who leave. Many more have fathers who are disengaged.

A wonderful father of 58 is really not much different to a wonderful father of 56. A wonderful father of 58 is far better than a poor father of 38.

58 may not be 38, but neither is it 78.

Why not say to yourself 'I am not having another baby just now, but we will review it in two years' time'? You would be wise to make the most of this special time with the first baby just now anyway.

This advice is fab . Thank you . We will be mortgage free in 14 years . DH will retire in 10 and he will be around at home for children . I will then be full time and yes I will be responsible for bringing in cash etc as DH will only have a pension . However as we will be mortgage free this will be okay .

Who knows what will happen ! It might not pan out like this .

My dad ( he was 30 when I was born ) ran off with a young girl from work and had no contact with us. He destroyed our family . So I wouldn’t agree being an old father is the worst thing .

Thanks for all the advice !

Enjoy your lovely new baby

The year my 2nd was born was very tight indeed. Bought virtually nothing (cried when DD broke my teapot but then DH got a Brown Betty from the charity shows for a quid. I love that teapot). Any essential clothes /shoes were on overdraft.

It was one of the best years we've ever had though. We had to be inventive and creative and focus on what mattered - our babies, family and friends.

Life's short. Go for it, enjoy it and deal with the hard stuff when it happens. You don't need much when kids are little. It's a phase (a hard one) but you can survive it.

@catwomando

The year my 2nd was born was very tight indeed. Bought virtually nothing (cried when DD broke my teapot but then DH got a Brown Betty from the charity shows for a quid. I love that teapot). Any essential clothes /shoes were on overdraft.

It was one of the best years we've ever had though. We had to be inventive and creative and focus on what mattered - our babies, family and friends.

Life's short. Go for it, enjoy it and deal with the hard stuff when it happens. You don't need much when kids are little. It's a phase (a hard one) but you can survive it.

@catwomando

We also had some very skint years and they were good years because we had to put so much of ourselves into everything, couldn't really on buying anything.

Obviously not the same if you are unable to pay for the essentials, but there is plenty fo joy to be had as long as the main bills are covered.

I would also remember, a second child wouldn't incur as many initial costs as the first. Especially if you get a lot of neutral clothes that could work for either sex.
You'll already have a pram, cot, some clothes, bottles/ breast pump etc. Possibly could keep the baby car seat if somewhere to store it.

Obviously only you can decide, but you don't have to decide now. Give it 6 months to a year, see how you are doing financially and if you still want another child. You never know, you might change your mind!