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Original poster

Can’t afford 2nd child ? So do i have one ? Life too short !

58 replies

Pinkpantslady · 07/02/2022 18:36

I have a little baby ( 4 months ) . Soon I will return to work .

I work full time , after all expenses / tax come out I earn about £ 85 a day . Nursery costs £50 a day .
This means I will make about £35 a day . So about £175 a week .

However if I had a second child it would cost me more to send the children to nursery than I earn .

My husband earns an ok wage and whilst I am on maternity he is covering my loss of earnings but we don’t have much money left over . We are entitled to no benefits and we have no family who can look after baby .

We want another baby but if we do we will have to live off husbands wage solely and basically we will have hardly any disposable income at all once bills are paid off .

So what do we do ?
Do I just have another baby ASAP so they years of being utterly broke are over as quickly as possible ???
my husband is a lot older ( 50s) so time isn’t on our side so I can’t wait until Ds is at school before we have another !
Or do I stick with one and always regret it ?!

I have always worked . I’m not into designer brands and am quite happy so long as bills are paid but I’ve never not had any money . I’m scared that if DH is only earner and we are super skint It might lead to stress . But I know DH and I want another baby and I don’t see any other option . I know you get free hours when children are 3 so this will help then . Do I just try for another baby and deal with the lack of money as life is too short ? Or do I just have to stick to one baby ?

DH is Happy to go along with another baby but I’m not sure he understands how little money it will mean we have !

OP posts:
JustWonderingIfYou · 07/02/2022 19:08

Stick with one. I think your husband is quite old already and your baby is so young. They deserve your attention for a bit. Also think how much they'd miss out on just for you to have another baby- could you afford any clubs or treats?

RussianSpy101 · 07/02/2022 19:09

Of course people can afford a second baby. Not everyone, obviously, but people can and do.

gothisdilemma · 07/02/2022 19:10

I was going to ask how much your dh earns? Could he go part time and pick up the childcare.
You sound like you have a good career - I wouldn't give up work in your position.
You might end up being a carer for your husband before your children are at university.

OnNaturesCourse · 07/02/2022 19:25

We were in a similar position aside from I didn't have a job to return to after my 1st (redundancy)

We lived off my partners wage for 2 years and the thought was we already have all the stuff so it would be just things like formula and nappies as expenses.

With one child we had little disposable income, our splurge was a £700 caravan holiday a year. Other than that we had no luxuries but we were OK with that.

We also don't have time on our side.

Now our 2nd is here we don't have our caravan holidays, and we are EXTREMELY careful and "tight" with our money. We will be until I can return to work.

We are in the position again in terms of a 3rd. I want 3, partner is happy with 2. Again we have all the large purchases so it would be formula etc again but we are already ultra tight on the budget.

We've agreed to leave it a year, and decide then as our youngest will be 6 months off starting nursery so I could potentially be looking to return to workforce.

ApricotPeony · 07/02/2022 19:52

I think you should have another as the time of being broke is fairly short and it'll be worth it.

Original poster
Pinkpantslady · 07/02/2022 20:25

So much great food for thought ! Flexible working could be possible for DH ( 5 days to 4!) I’m a secondary teacher so o can’t !
The idea of waiting until DS is 2 to conceive so I’ll be on maternity and not need child care and then once he is 3 I’ll get vouchers is a good idea too !
I know DH Is older but want DS to have a sibling in this life !!! I will be patient , enjoy DS and DH and re evaluate in a few months .

Also evenings/ weekend work could be an option sp to save on childcare even if I remained With one child !

Life is so expensive and I see it only increasing !

Thanks everyone .

OP posts:
PeakyBlender · 07/02/2022 22:05

@SoManyTshirts

I’d stick with one. Your DH is going to be over 70 by the time the baby finishes school, it’s already going to be a struggle - for you and the child/children.
This. 100%
JustWonderingIfYou · 07/02/2022 23:01

When is your DH planning to retire? The teenage years are pretty expensive, will his pension fund 2 teens?

shivawn · 08/02/2022 03:49

Just to say, my husbands father was in his 50's when he was born and he doesn't feel having an older father was a struggle or that he missed out in any way.

Happyhappyday · 08/02/2022 04:41

Have 1. Our household income is 5x your wage and I am very on the fence about having another. Life is too short to worry about money constantly. Which you will. Also seriously don’t think of your money as going in childcare. It’s a household expense. The kid is half your husband’s.

Happyhappyday · 08/02/2022 04:42

Also 56 versus 58 isn’t going to make a bit of difference to your kid. He’s pretty old regardless.

ohfook · 08/02/2022 04:52

Honestly I'm a big believer in not making a permanent decision based on circumstances which are just temporary. I'd just wait until your 30 free hours kick in.

bonetiredwithtwins · 08/02/2022 05:19

If it's just a case of not having any disposable income then yes I'd have another child - I wouldn't have one though with a man in his 50s that's completely unfair on the child and a tad selfish in itself

wanderlove · 08/02/2022 05:38

I am also a teacher so similar wage. I got pregnant with number 2 when number one was 15 months. Baby number 1 was just 2 when second arrived. I took a years maternity which I lived as meant spending time with both and then paid number 2s nursery fees and number 1 got 30 free hours so just paid wraparound. Still tight but totally worth it. No need to wait until baby at school. Also got a childminder which was £28 a day versus £50 so paid about the same for childminder/wraparound as nursery.

wanderlove · 08/02/2022 05:40

Also think about the type of life you want for your kids. I’m not particularly bothered about them having the best of everything and never wanting for anything…but if you are then obviously two is much more expensive. I used hand me downs and made do with second hand a lot….but I don’t mind doing that. For some it would make them miserable.

Greygreenblue · 08/02/2022 05:41

I would try to time it so that your going back to work from maternity leave as your eldest starts the 3 year old nursery thing if I were you. It really isn’t waiting all that long once you allow time to get through a whole other pregnancy - depending a bit of course on how long you take off with each baby.

Of course the universe might have other plans for you though, and if it does, you’ll make it work. We worked out when our eldest started daycare that if we wanted a third we needed to wait to have the third until the eldest was at least 4.5 so she’d be in school (not UK, full time school starts here around 5.5) when they started daycare. Then the universe laughed at us and the 3rd was born two minutes after the second and the eldest was not yet 2. We struggled financially for a few years. But we got there and I wouldn’t change it for anything

wanderlove · 08/02/2022 05:41

And also that year on maternity with number 2 was amazing for me. I normally work full time so to spend time with my toddler and get to take her to playgroups with the baby was really special

Lampshading · 08/02/2022 05:46

@Nevilleslongbottom

You get 30 free hours from the school term they turn three. Can you not wait until then? It’s not that long.
Well...22 hours as a lot only offer it on year long contracts and you have to top up sometimes, it's not quite 30 hours off the bat so it's worth calculating.

OP no I wouldn't, I grew up in a household that was very financially stretched and it was hard. One reason me and DH have stuck with one child even though thankfully we are okay financially, because if finances do change we are more likely to be able to cope and still provide a decent life for DS.

Hercisback · 08/02/2022 05:56

Look for term time only nursery if you're a teacher. Or term time childminders. There are some out there.

You could go 0.8 but I understand if you don't want to. I wouldn't as its the same work for less pay!

BabyQuestions · 08/02/2022 06:17

I think an urge to give baby a sibling is an important thing to listen to.
If that's what you want, why not start now trying to live as cheaply as possible, it's a skill you can practice and improve, see if that way of life suits you. Try putting all income into a joint account, take a minimal regular monthly amount each for your own clothes/activities/fun, save what's left in the joint account at the end of the month towards future maternity/childcare costs, analyse your joint spending regularly together and see where you can trim it. See over time what you've managed to save, how you feel about it, what unexpected costs arise. If you can look after toddler and baby on mat leave for a year there won't be lots of time left to pay for double childcare before the 30 hours childcare kick in at age 3. Make sure you are using tax free childcare and getting child benefit. Also note that answers on this board will naturally be from a financial angle, but your own priorities and and other factors are important too.

DockOTheBay · 08/02/2022 06:21

Considering the current rises in the cost of living, and predicted huge increases in fuel bills, if you will already be struggling to get by with 1 then 2 will be very difficult. Wait and see what the situation is like in a year or so but maybe start considering the positive of just having one

AndSoFinally · 08/02/2022 06:35

And also that year on maternity with number 2 was amazing for me. I normally work full time so to spend time with my toddler and get to take her to playgroups with the baby was really special

Mine was completely different. I struggled at home with a toddler and a new baby and felt that neither really got the best of me. I wouldn't want to commit to having a year of maternity with no option at all to send the eldest to nursery part time (for their benefit as much as mine!). You may want to think about this too, OP. It may be much harder than you think

labyrinthlaziness · 08/02/2022 06:43

I disagree that 58 is too old to be a second-time father, personally.

Many children have fathers who die young, and many children have fathers who leave. Many more have fathers who are disengaged.

A wonderful father of 58 is really not much different to a wonderful father of 56. A wonderful father of 58 is far better than a poor father of 38.

58 may not be 38, but neither is it 78.

Why not say to yourself 'I am not having another baby just now, but we will review it in two years' time'? You would be wise to make the most of this special time with the first baby just now anyway.

Soontobe60 · 08/02/2022 06:46

Your DH is too old to be having more children! He will be of retirement age in 14 years - will he still be able to work? Say you have another child 2 years. When your DH reacher retirement age your children will be around 12 and 14. Will you be able to afford to run the house, support them at Uni etc on your income and your DHs pension? I’m 62. I couldn’t think of anything worse than having my own kids as teenagers around now!

PurplePinecone · 08/02/2022 06:50

You could plan to be pregnant when your lo is 1.5 ish, that way when your maternity starts you don't have to pay for childcare for lo1. Then lo1 will turn 3 when you are returning to work so they will get 30 hours so you are only paying a bit more childcare for both children.