New baby WWYD?

[Neomisnice]

DP & I are expecting.

We have minimal savings really, but luckily low living expenses.

When i am on maternity i will be living on £800 a month. But more than half of that will go to half the household expenses and food which is what i do now with my full salary.

The rest goes to my bare essential bills, leaving no money for baby stuff, nappies milk clothes etc, plus general day to day spending. So i am saving like mad now to prepare.

In terms of DP, what would you expect from him? Maybe take away the food and bills element out of my money to allow for the baby stuff?

It’s his baby too, so all the costs for baby should be added to household costs. Your share of those should be reduced from 50% to pro rata % share based on your maternity income vs his income.

It’s his baby too, so all the costs for baby should be added to household costs. Your share of those should be reduced from 50% to pro rata % share based on your maternity income vs his income.

This. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that all expenditure on the baby is your responsibility alone.

I would have a communal pot of money, with both salaries paid in and both parties having equal access.

I stay at home with my two year old and one year old and this is what works for us. Mind you, we combined finances when we moved in together, knowing that we'd be getting married.

You’re a family now, it’s joint expenses.

Both wages/maternity pay paid into joint account, all bills, groceries, baby things come out of that account then whatever is left is split equally and transferred to each yours and DPs personal accounts. That’s your disposable income.

You either fully combine income and anything after all bills is split equally, or you pay into a combined account with how much you pay in divided proportionally to your income. So if your income drops whilst on maternity leave, you pay proportionally less into the bills account.

@TooMuchPaper

It’s his baby too, so all the costs for baby should be added to household costs. Your share of those should be reduced from 50% to pro rata % share based on your maternity income vs his income.

This. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that all expenditure on the baby is your responsibility alone.

Wise words.

Why would you think baby stuff is purely your responsibility

My first preference would be fully combined finances ensuring equal disposable income once all expenses are accounted for. The second would be a proportional agreement set according to what you earn. So if he earns twice as much as you whilst you’re on mat leave, he pays twice as much towards all household expenditure, including of course baby stuff. Anything else would be unfair.

At minimum I would expect him to cover half of your lost income and pension contributions.

All child expenses need to be split and that includes incidentals during the day. When you return to work it also means half of child care expenses. It also means he does half of pickups, appointments, and sick days, otherwise he needs to compensate you directly for your lost income.

I'd put all of each of your incomes in a joint account each month and use that for all bills, household expenses and all baby expenses. Work out how much you need and then whatever's left either gets put into joint savings for things like holidays/unexpected expenses or divided amongst the two of you for personal spending money - or a combination of the two.

Don't pay for baby things - nappies/clothes etc out of your budget. He needs to be equally responsible for all of the costs that come with having a child, and that includes covering more of the day to day expenses while you're on maternity leave. You shouldn't be expected to be the only one that has to save and make sacrifices. Discuss it now and start planning ASAP.

In terms of DP, what would you expect from him? Maybe take away the food and bills element out of my money to allow for the baby stuff?

I'd expect everything to be equal.

All our income (wages, bonuses) goes into one pot. Everything is shared equally, we have no "mine and his". Been the same whether I earned more or DH. After paying off everything (bills, food etc) the "leftover" is split 3 ways between us two and a savings account.

Before I went on mat leave, the money we saved up as a family (and not me as an individual) was used to buy baby things and top up my maternity allowance monthly. But that saving also came out of the same pot I mentioned above.

Always seems so awkward when married couples don't share finances, especially with kids. Of course, all relationships are different. You shouldn't be the one who is now much worse off while he is still enjoying his full wage. You need to work it out that you have equal disposable income.

It all needs to be equal! So as everyone has suggested above, open a joint account, pay all income into that.

All bills and joint expenses come out of it. Then whats left at the end of the month gets divided 3 equal ways, between the 2 of you and the other 3rd goes to a joint savings account for emergencies/christmas etc.

You can then spend your own money on whatever you like!

The fact that you're asking MN suggests that your DP expects you to still contribute your "half".
Have you had a discussion about finances?
Its his child too and you should be a unit, not separate entities.
Your earning potential will be impacted by looking after his child whilst he continues to work and earn his wage, does he expect you to live in poverty whilst he keeps his earnings to himself?
You need a serious conversation

Set up a joint account. Work out how much needs to be in it each month for all bills and family stuff.
Work out how much is left, and divide it in 2. Transfer everything but that amount out of your account after pay day, leaving you both with £X00 per month. Spend from the joint account for everything except personal expenses.
You should NOT lose out because you are doing the childcare and so only getting maternity pay.

Everything in one pot, regardless of what you earn. All bills paid out of that, including baby purchases. I'd also put a set amount in a joint savings account for any unexpected household bills. Anything left at the end of the month is split equally. You then either save or spend as you desire.

Is your DP ‘saving like mad’ too?

What on earth?!

No. No, no, no, no. NO!!

Honestly how on earth does this sort of thing happen?! Why would you pay half the household bills when you are not earning as much as a direct result of having HIS child?! How can men not see how unreasonable that is?!

You need to get a joint account, both put all your earnings in there, take all the bills and essentials out of that joint pot, including all baby-related costs, and then divide anything left equally between you as spending money.

I can't see how anyone could justify doing it any other way.

How can you continue to pay your share when you are on reduced money. This should have all been discussed before you planned a baby. Its happening so often now. Every day there is a story of financial abuse when the woman is on maternity leave.

Babies really don't have to cost much. Breastfeeding is free, nappies are dirt cheap in the uk (look up how much they cost in the states, it's eye watering!), & clothes and toys can be sourced for free on fb marketplace or freecycle.

@BrunoJenkins my baby cost us £15000 a year (before tax) because that was the price of going part time to care for him (and before you say that was a choice - yes of course it was but if if gone back Full time he would have cost us the extra childcare fees). It's great, of course, to give OP money saving tips eg buying second hand, but saying babies don't cost much misses the point a bit.

[quote Isabellabasil]@BrunoJenkins my baby cost us £15000 a year (before tax) because that was the price of going part time to care for him (and before you say that was a choice - yes of course it was but if if gone back Full time he would have cost us the extra childcare fees). It's great, of course, to give OP money saving tips eg buying second hand, but saying babies don't cost much misses the point a bit.[/quote]
The OP specifically mentions maternity leave and says nothing about returning part time.

@BrunoJenkins so then the current cost of her baby is OP's loss of earnings during maternity leave, do you see what I mean? I was using my circumstances as an example of why babies do in fact cost a lot.

[quote Isabellabasil]@BrunoJenkins so then the current cost of her baby is OP's loss of earnings during maternity leave, do you see what I mean? I was using my circumstances as an example of why babies do in fact cost a lot.[/quote]
OP say her maternity pay will cover her essentials like bills and food but she's worried it leaves "no money for baby stuff, nappies milk clothes etc"

I was just pointing out that the costs of those things are actually tiny and don't need to be a cause for concern.

@BrunoJenkins understand your point now. I was just worried you were were saying that she didn't need help from her husband because the baby didn't need much.