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Original poster

How much do you think a partner needs to earn to allow woman to become a SAHM?

98 replies

DisneyBaby · 15/10/2021 07:49

We're expecting baby number 2 and I've just been told I'm being made redundant (they didn't know I was pregnant, bad timing!)

I'm worried about getting another job, plus we're going to have 2 children under 3 to look after, so with childcare costs etc I'm not sure it's going to be worth me getting another job.

My husband is saying don't worry about finding another job just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and then be a SAHM but I'm worrying about money.

My mum was always a SAHM but times were different then and my Dad had his own business and earnt good money... I don't think my husband earns half of what my Dad did...

So I'm just curious to know, how much money do you think a man needs fo earn to support his family without the woman working too? £50k, £80k, £100k, £150k?

I know it's subjective to where you live in the country, how much your mortgage is etc. But would be helpful to know people opinions just fo put things into perspective and help me decide what to do...

OP posts:

Loopyluce88 · 15/10/2021 07:52

It’s completely dependent on your outgoings and how many changes you’re willing to make to get them down.

I can’t give you a figure because I don’t know how much you spend each month. So your partner would need to earn your projected outgoings each month + about 30% for savings and unexpected expenses etc.

JumperandJacket · 15/10/2021 07:52

There’s no way to answer this unfortunately.

Do bear in mind that being a SAHM doesn’t just mean losing current earnings but also pension and perhaps future earnings too. That’s not to say don’t do it- I did for some years and am pleased I did- but give it some thought, don’t just fall into it.

Itsallok · 15/10/2021 07:53

It isn't the amount. My DH is a very high earner and I still work. I always have. Anything can happen in life and working gives you something very important, financial independence. Take maternity leave but dont just shrug your shoulders and assume everything will be fine. MN is full of women facing financial hardship due to divorce, death, partner redundancy, partner illness.

LawnFever · 15/10/2021 07:54

Depends what your outgoings are, what’s your mortgage/rent/bills each month and what will you have left over if it’s only his wage coming in?

MiddlesexGirl · 15/10/2021 07:57

As a matter of perspective for a couple with 2 children both born after 2017, universal credit would usually give £885.67 plus rent per month.
So I guess that's the absolute minimum for an exceptionally frugal lifestyle.

MyOtherProfile · 15/10/2021 07:57

How much do you being home a month? Could you manage without that amount? That's the key.
The other points about pensions etc are important but less so if you're only thinking of doing this until both are in school.

I would personally always want to keep a foot in the work door so would try to find something related even if very part time.

VanCleefArpels · 15/10/2021 07:58

You need to sit down and forensically examine your income and outgoings. There’s a useful spreadsheet on the Money Saving Expert website. You might need to see where you can cut down some of the outgoings. You might need to see if there’s any way your DH can increase his income (eg lower pension contributions, over time). You might need to consider earning without paying childcare (evenings and weekend work so DH can be at home)

AlexaShutUp · 15/10/2021 07:58

Pointless question. Nobody can give you a meaningful answer.

Work out your essential outgoings, preferably with a bit of a buffer for unexpected costs. That's what you need to live on.

It's an interesting assumption in your question that it will be the man who works to support a SAHM. There seems to be no acknowledgement that it could be the other way round!

MiddlesexGirl · 15/10/2021 08:00

You can keep paying into a pension even if you don't work. Max £3600 gross £2880 net.

SheWoreYellow · 15/10/2021 08:03

If you stop work, does that mean you’re entitled to any working tax credit type benefits?

Other than that, it is just a case of seeing if you can manage without your salary. Bear in mind any costs you have for working, eg petrol, buying smart clothes and account for that too.

freelions · 15/10/2021 08:05

You and your DH are the only ones who can answer this because it is do dependent on what outgoings you have and the type of lifestyle you lead, whether you have expensive tastes etc

I have never been a SAHM but hypothetically we would have been able to do it fairly comfortably if DH had been earning 75K+

ThirdElephant · 15/10/2021 08:05

There is no one amount. I know many SAHMs whose partners earn minimum wage- you just adjust your lifestyle and expenditure to fit your budget. The point at which the cutbacks become too extreme to offset the pleasures of being a SAHM vary from person to person.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/10/2021 08:07

Impossible without housing costs - I think after food and bills a few hundred for each adult as spending money would be manageable

RightsHoardingRaptor · 15/10/2021 08:10

Completely depends on your outgoings and lifestyle you want. We did it for a bit because we decided not to have holidays abroad, so things cheaply, forfeit lots of luxuries. I don't get my hair done, nails etc or buy many clothes (this is how I've always been to be fair but it helps).

ThePlantsitter · 15/10/2021 08:11

Yeah it's not about the amount it's about outgoings. Can you afford mortgage etc is the main thing, but how your money is managed is important too, i.e that you have equal access to family money.

Childcare is a huge cost saved obviously but you will spend more on food and the house will get messier, need more heating eg, and will need more upkeep etc. It's not all money saved unforch.

Hopeisallineed · 15/10/2021 08:12

I was a SAHP and my partner was on very little, childcare was so expensive there was no point to me working as I would have been earning less than we were paying out.

Original poster

DisneyBaby · 15/10/2021 08:13

Our outgoings on mortgage, bills, credit cards etc is £2000 ish. After paying off a couple of his own bits like golf membership etc, he has about £700 left I'd say.. That would be for food as well?

I won't be eligible for any benefits but we do get an extra £600 a month for a property we rent out.

OP posts:

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 15/10/2021 08:13

My dp earns just under £40k and we have 2 children, I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born and he's just started school. We used to live in an area where our rent was £700p/m and were very comfortable on just his salary. Now we live in an area where our rent is £1100p/m and it's manageable but very tight. I've gone back to work part time recently because it was getting stressful not having anything spare after bills. We don't have a flashy lifestyle in terms of things like holidays, cars, eating out etc but we do like to do things like have a more expensive green energy supplier, get an organic veg box, take the kids to lots of clubs and activities etc. So like pp said it depends entirely on your outgoings and values as to how much you need.

I will say that although I've enjoyed being a SAHM and feel lucky to have had the opportunity, it hasn't been smooth sailing. A few years ago my dp lost his job and it was incredibly stressful. I felt very helpless and angry at the time that I didn't have any money of my own to support us during that time, and it really drove home to me how dependant I was on someone else. That was the point that I started retraining for the job I've just started doing. So if you become a SAHM I strongly recommend having a plan B that let's you get back into work quickly if something goes wrong.

furbabymama87 · 15/10/2021 08:17

Husband earns 20k. I stay home because we've got 4 kids, one disabled. It makes life easier and it's not worth me working because I wouldn't earn more than I can claim in benefits, so would be no better off at all.

Seaweedhair · 15/10/2021 08:21

Answering your question directly, we live in an expensive area. DH earns 52k (so not loads for the area). We live frugally, and both of us have a big savings cushion (20k each) in case anything goes wrong. I give myself a small "luxuries" spending allowance each month from my savings (coffees, takeaways, meals out) and we won't do proper holidays while I'm not working. Our model only works on the basis that I'll go back to work before my savings get too low. I think I've got about 2 years. Someone pointed out your pension, you may want to consider making voluntary NI contributions if you decide to step back from work for a while to make sure you have enough contributions to qualify for max state pension. BTW you don't need the savings cushion we have, our area is very expensive and we have a large mortgage and we are extremely risk averse, hence making sure we have enough if anything goes wrong.

User310 · 15/10/2021 08:22

My husband earns £80000 and It doesn’t seem to be enough for me to be a sahp. Obviously if we were very careful we could do it but after all tax,NI and pension deductions, he takes home just over £4000.

After all bills, we are left with £1400. There was a period of 3 months when I moved jobs and did not have an income and we found ourselves very stretched. I earn around £1600 a month and that leaves us comfortable, so I would say a take home wage of £5000 would be a comfortable life style.

I do live in an expensive area so this is based on that too.

Cocomarine · 15/10/2021 08:22

Well, my BIL is a SAHD to 4 kids and my sister earns NMW.
So I agree with others that it depends entirely on your outgoings.
In their case, a council house makes all the difference - but they’re also not paying off credit cards, as they’ve never got into debt.

How much of your £2000 outgoings is credit card debt? Will the redundancy payment clear that, to make a significant difference to outgoings?

My guess is that as there’s a golf membership, there’s probably also plenty of slack in the budget if you look at what your outgoings are in detail.

Nowhere in your post do you say that you actually want to be a SAHM. I’d think carefully about the potential impact to your lifelong earnings, and think about part time.

JumperandJacket · 15/10/2021 08:26

No need to make NI contributions as long as you’re registered for child benefit (even if you don’t receive it) with a child under 12.

vdbfamily · 15/10/2021 08:28

I agree with others. This is so individual. I had a year where we had 3 pre school children. There was no way that working was going to be possible or affordable. However, my husband earthy less than£20.000 and had to buy a season ticket to London out of that.( this was 15 years ago for context) Fortunately our mortgage was not huge. We only had one car so if I needed it I had to get a bus with baby and 2 toddlers and collect the car from where he had parked it. All the clothes were from charity shops etc etc.
After a year of SAHM my husband applied for flexible working condensed hours and I worked one long day and we built up from there. If on a literal income it makes sense to me for both parents to try and flex hours. You pay far less tax as can both earn over 12.000 pre tax.

Seaweedhair · 15/10/2021 08:34

@JumperandJacket yes good point. Not sure how it works if your household income is over the 50k-60k(?) threshold, I think you then have to complete a tax return and pay the child benefit back or something, but you still get the benefit of the pension contribution bit for free.

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