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Original poster

How much do you think a partner needs to earn to allow woman to become a SAHM?

98 replies

DisneyBaby · 15/10/2021 07:49

We're expecting baby number 2 and I've just been told I'm being made redundant (they didn't know I was pregnant, bad timing!)

I'm worried about getting another job, plus we're going to have 2 children under 3 to look after, so with childcare costs etc I'm not sure it's going to be worth me getting another job.

My husband is saying don't worry about finding another job just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and then be a SAHM but I'm worrying about money.

My mum was always a SAHM but times were different then and my Dad had his own business and earnt good money... I don't think my husband earns half of what my Dad did...

So I'm just curious to know, how much money do you think a man needs fo earn to support his family without the woman working too? £50k, £80k, £100k, £150k?

I know it's subjective to where you live in the country, how much your mortgage is etc. But would be helpful to know people opinions just fo put things into perspective and help me decide what to do...

OP posts:
TheUnbearable · 15/10/2021 09:28

Consider your NI contributions and pension, see if there is any kind of change in the relationship regarding behaviours if you don’t earn anymore. Being a SAHP would never have been for me as working offers protection. I ended up being officially retired at 50 due to ill health. I had almost 30 years of pension contributions and get a certainly ok pension. Stuff like this is rarely considered. People tend to think of pensions post 65. It gives me comfort knowing I can still survive as a single person if it comes down to that.

Do a budget, 1300 is certainly enough for food and to live on and people survive on much less.

But only you and your DH can decide on what standard of living you want or aspire to. DH and I overall like a daily simple life of hill walks and flasks of tea and mooching round museums. But we love really nice holidays and they cost a lot plus my travel insurance has doubled due to my health.

godmum56 · 15/10/2021 09:29

I think maybe rephrase the question....to me it sounds like what is worrying you is not having a choice? Obvs from a financial POV, two salaries are often better than one (not always because the cost of working, clothes, travel etc and of course childcare), and for some, working outside the home is important for mental and emotional health, but it seems to me that what worries you is not being able to find a job?
Anyway what I am trying to say is that maybe your question should be more about "how can we if I have to?"

MaverickDanger · 15/10/2021 09:29

I’m not a SAHM but we could live off DH’s wage of 80k. We probably wouldn’t be going on flash holidays and would be a bit more careful, but we’d find it doable.

I personally wouldn’t want to survive on less than that, as for me it would be a personal family choice for me to not work, so I don’t think it’s fair to claim benefits when I have the choice to work.

As it is, I earn about 75% of what DH earns, so that covers childcare, extra savings and the more frivolous aspects of our lifestyle.

bowlingalleyblues · 15/10/2021 09:30

Checked our budget and we could do it on 35,000 gross pay - that would have to be without saving, paying into a pension or paying for any childcare, holidays, takeaways etc. Leaves £100 a month for each adult to spend on their phone bill, clothing, haircuts, socialising. It would be a lot better if the other partner were earning something, particularly as it would be income tax free up to £12500.

barleywoken · 15/10/2021 09:41

I did it but only because my dh had an income of 60ish and also for the following reasons

  1. We had a v low mortgage
  2. We had NO debt
  3. I could go on a 4 year career break and return to my permanent full time job after that (I am a teacher)
  4. I did do the odd day supply work though whilst I was on career break. Not much but just a little extra coming up to Christmas etc.
Cantthinkofaname21 · 15/10/2021 09:44

It depends on lifestyle choices & financial commitments you may have. .If interest rates go up can you pay your mortgage how much wiggle room do you have for example.
My husband and I both work (he owns a decent wage) but I’m still worried about everything going up from April time - council tax, NI and utility bills - & food etc I’m re-budgeting now making sure we can afford it.
To me golf membership is secondary to you not paying into a pension - would he be happy with that be switched into a pension for you whilst you are a SAHP?
More importantly want do you want to do? Do you actually want to be a SAHP full time?

I was also made redundant (with my first) early stages of pregnancy. Husband and I both agreed that I would just see how I felt. I found another job shortly after she turned 1! We had a shared bank account but didn’t like the feeling of not earning and I really enjoyed working (I obviously loved being a mother first)

I think dont make any decisions now just see how it goes!

northbacchus · 15/10/2021 09:44

Enough that you can cover all outgoings & have a suitable emergency fund - ie. if two appliances broke or similar.

KevinTheKoala · 15/10/2021 09:45

My partner earns around £30,000 and I was a stay at home parent for 2 years, we aren't entitled to any benefits. We live in an expensive area but we live frugally, no luxuries, we have enough for what we need but very little else. But obviously if we had a large mortgage, lots of luxuries, pets, travel expenses etc. We wouldn't manage so it very much depends on your circumstances. I would also say that I now work part time not just for the money but also for myself, being a stay at home parent does have a knock on effect for the rest of your life going forward.

Rollercoaster1920 · 15/10/2021 10:02

Do some tax planning too. Child benefit is lost when income, not salary, exceeds 60k. So that rental income might be better going to you rather than your partner.
Also you will probably be entitled to JSA before the birth.

We've had 10 years, even with a few thousand a year earned as freelance it has been tough. Can't afford to do up the house etc. But we do have expensive trips due to family abroad. Bear in mind the extra plane costs when they are over 2. It doubled the cost of a family visit (pre covid)!

A decade of scrimping gets tiring when you haven't been used to it.

ANameChangeAgain · 15/10/2021 10:28

Breadwinning men supporting SAH mums in my area earn an average wage of £500 per week. You won't live like royalty, but you get by just fine. For most people being a stay at home mum is temporary anyway, I was SAH (just working 1 day per week) for 6 years. My DH was on £35k.

CarrotPuff · 15/10/2021 11:16

So you have £1300 leftover after all bills? Is that just with his salary? Does it include petrol or commute costs? Does it include childcare (that one will obviously go if you're SAHM).

I think it would be doable, there's a lot of people who live on much less than that, but could be a bit tight depending on what lifestyle you want/are used to. You have to sit down with a calculator and go through all your incomings and outgoings, there's no other way around it.

You can definitely get a new job now, even if you don't go back to it after maternity leave, at least you could use the money to build up a savings cushion.

MrsKDB · 15/10/2021 11:22

For me it was less about the figures and more about self esteem and independence. I stayed at home for six years and couldn’t have done any longer even though our income was (just about) ok.

Evenstar · 15/10/2021 11:24

www.gov.uk/home-responsibilities-protection-hrp Home responsibilities protection for those in receipt of child benefit ended in 2010 www.gov.uk/home-responsibilities-protection-hrp

Pombear47 · 15/10/2021 13:40

@Evenstar it was replaced with national insurance credits, which you still get for claiming child benefit (whether it’s paid or not). www.gov.uk/national-insurance-credits/eligibility
OP, I would be considering your pension and the increases In pay you would get over the years where you may now no longer be working. I think it also depends on what you do, some industries are easier to rejoin after a break than others. Lastly consider whether this is something you actually want to do, would you have considered it if you hadn’t been made redundant?

FakeFruitShoot · 15/10/2021 13:51

I was a SAHM to one (and then two) when my DH earnt £20k, we had no rent or mortgage to pay due to an inheritance and we lived well.

Now he earns nearly double but we have a mortgage and more and older children who cost mignificantly more. I'm back at work PT and we don't "need" my wage but it definitely REALLY helps.

Having a SAHP needs to be an informed choice made by both parties calmly and rationally and with one eye on the future. We have paid a orivate pension for me and have actively planned and prepped for my return to work for years (voluntary work, sspecifically sstudying etc)

Evenstar · 15/10/2021 14:19

@Pombear47 thank you for that, I presume you can back claim? I was working when my youngest was still eligible, but not earning enough to have a full year. I only found out about HRP ending when I looked at my pension forecast.

Pombear47 · 15/10/2021 14:28

@Evenstar I’m not sure tbh, if your daughter was eligible and you had claimed i would think it was automatic. But if you never applied for her I’m not sure you can go back and claim. Give HMRC they can be quite helpful

Pombear47 · 15/10/2021 14:29

*give HMRC a call

Evenstar · 15/10/2021 14:30

Thank you 💐

UnbeatenMum · 15/10/2021 14:38

For us it was £80k. When we had our first child DH was on £50k and we couldn't do it, even without overseas holidays or much in the way of expensive child related activities. I'm currently SAHM to our third but I will return to work when he's in school because I enjoy working.

TrufflesAndToast · 15/10/2021 14:40

Totally depends on outgoings but also the financial matters you need to consider go far, far beyond how much your husband takes home right now.

  • what is your earning potential currently and how will that realistically be affected by a career break? - What is the difference in your likely whole career earnings?
  • will you pay into a private pension for you from your husbands salary?
  • will you have full and equal access to family funds and will your husband hand on heart see the income as family money and not primarily his?
  • how easy will he find it to support you going back to work after years of you covering things at home? Will he step up and do school runs, sick days etc or will you remain the default parent for life?
  • do you have a network of other SAHMs or is the norm in your area to work?
  • do you actually WANT to give up work? Putting the calculations aside, do you enjoy the thought of not having a job and being devoted to domestic responsibilities?

That’s just a few off the top of my head. What your husband earns is the bare bones of what you need to start thinking about and discussing with your husband. If he’s suggesting you be a SAHM it needs to be based on more than an off the cuff comment based on your current earnings minus childcare costs. Has he thought about your pension or any of the actual impacts?

Putting all that aside my DH earns 62k full time although currently works part time as do I. I earn about £50k fte but also work 4/5. We could pay the bills from either one of our salaries full time but we couldn’t save anything like what we do now or have the same lifestyle and for me, family life just scraping by, isn’t an appealing option. Of course that’s necessary for some people but I wouldn’t choose it.

Iwab82 · 15/10/2021 14:41

Or work part time in an evening/ weekend or wfh flexible job so you earn something but don't pay childcare?

MrsR87 · 15/10/2021 14:43

I don’t think anyone could answer this for you as it is so subjective. I’m sure the majority of people would say that I could easily be a sahm as DH earns £60k. We could afford our bills (from mortgage to contract lenses) but would have very little money leftover for the extras like days out or classes. I am DS is almost 1 and I am returning to work very soon, full time. I will continue to do so until we have a second child which will hopefully be in the next year or two…at this point I will reassess but I would still want to bring some money in.

Seaweedhair · 15/10/2021 14:44

@chessiefl thats very helpful to know, thanks!

WombatChocolate · 15/10/2021 14:45

Interesting how many who say they’ve done it, don’t seem to be talking about funding of a pension for themselves in their calculations. I’d say you can really afford it, if your partners salary can fund pension contributions for himself and for you too.

It might be okay to take a couple if years out and miss out in the pension contributions, but lots of people take several or many years and then only ever work part time again. Day-to-day things look okay, but the shit can hit the fan if they separate or when they get to 60 and realise it won’t be affordable to stop work until 70 and even then the pension income won’t be great for 2. So people need to see the bigger picture of their choices.