How much do you think a partner needs to earn to allow woman to become a SAHM?

[DisneyBaby]

We're expecting baby number 2 and I've just been told I'm being made redundant (they didn't know I was pregnant, bad timing!)

I'm worried about getting another job, plus we're going to have 2 children under 3 to look after, so with childcare costs etc I'm not sure it's going to be worth me getting another job.

My husband is saying don't worry about finding another job just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and then be a SAHM but I'm worrying about money.

My mum was always a SAHM but times were different then and my Dad had his own business and earnt good money... I don't think my husband earns half of what my Dad did...

So I'm just curious to know, how much money do you think a man needs fo earn to support his family without the woman working too? £50k, £80k, £100k, £150k?

I know it's subjective to where you live in the country, how much your mortgage is etc. But would be helpful to know people opinions just fo put things into perspective and help me decide what to do...

@WombatChocolate

Interesting how many who say they’ve done it, don’t seem to be talking about funding of a pension for themselves in their calculations. I’d say you can really afford it, if your partners salary can fund pension contributions for himself and for you too.

It might be okay to take a couple if years out and miss out in the pension contributions, but lots of people take several or many years and then only ever work part time again. Day-to-day things look okay, but the shit can hit the fan if they separate or when they get to 60 and realise it won’t be affordable to stop work until 70 and even then the pension income won’t be great for 2. So people need to see the bigger picture of their choices.

This certainly influences my choices. I still have 25 years of contributions to make.

It's impossible to answer. I was a Sahm for years, at the time my DH earned £100k+
At the same time my sil was also a sahm and her dh earned about £25k. So totally depends on your lifestyle

You don’t have to make a long-term decision right now. Start with what does your maternity pay look like if you do or don’t manage to find new employment. Since you may not have much time with a new employer, would you be eligible for top-ups or are you likely to be doing it with statutory minimums? At that point, the stress of finding a new job only to need to leave it so quickly may not be worth it, even if things will be tight for the next 18 months or so. That time can give you a chance to see what it is really like to live on the new budget and make decisions about the future.

It’s really an impossible question to answer for someone else. We willingly made a lot of choices around cutting personal expenditure to be able to do it and I’m not sorry about those at all. I know none of my friends were willing to give up the things I was willing to give up.

From an employment point of view, it will impact your career unless you have a shortage skill. I did think about returning to work at one point but found I couldn’t even get interviews for the job I had done previously - and the salary grade had actually gone down by about £8k in the time I’d been a SAHM!

I will return to work through self employment as the children become more independent. Life would be easier if they let us fully transfer our tax allowances to our working partners tbh. I don’t know why they don’t. It’s not like we cease to exist as individuals just because we become SAHMs and dads.

@chopc

Haven't read the whole threads - some some SAHP are able to be so due having multiple kids and claiming benefits. How is this right? Yes I suppose I didn't need to calculate how many kids I can afford before having them and see if we can solely survive on one wage .......

Before the Daily Fail readers kick off...

You can’t be a SAHM on benefits. The conditionality requirements require any parent of a child of over 1 to be actively preparing for or seeking work or their benefit will be stopped.

Posters on here saying they are SAHM on benefits also said they have disabled children and they would be eligible for benefits for those children whether they are working or not, because it helps them meet the child’s needs and parenting disabled children is hardly predictable enough to be a life choice. There is no Dial A Disabled Child for Benefits and An Easy Life Hotline. FFS.

How did I know I’d end up writing this on this thread? It’s a mystery.

SAHM here. DH isn't a big earner. We own our property outright so no mortgage payments to worry about.

All down to personal choice and what you are comfortable living without. I am not a materialistic person so I value time over money. No interest in going abroad any time soon or driving any fancy cars etc.

Do what suits your family.

“Sounds a lot but gets eaten up” 🤣
And think you could have edited to “a lot”.
I think it’s worth considering how that came across “it’s lot but gets eaten up” would have been less tone death.

£6K net from that doesn’t sound a lot… this calculates it at £8K, considerably more. He must be stuffing his pension to bursting (I would!) if he’s taking home 25% less?
www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php

*tone death?! 🤣 tone deaf.

@DisneyBaby

Our outgoings on mortgage, bills, credit cards etc is £2000 ish. After paying off a couple of his own bits like golf membership etc, he has about £700 left I'd say.. That would be for food as well?

I won't be eligible for any benefits but we do get an extra £600 a month for a property we rent out.

Still pointless unless you say what his income is too. You know what that is and therefore you will know if it is enough for you to be a SAHM>

Couple of points about rental income

Op says they are married: therefore the rental income is split equally regardless of who owns the property on paper so her husband will have to pay income tax on his share.

There are other responsibilities for checks every year and also you need to have money for ongoing maintenance, for any damage/wear and tear if a tenant moves out and probably for letting agent costs to find anew tenant even if they self manage the property. Unless all of this is a already gone from the £600 it’s shrinking.

If there’s mortgage costs that also needs to come off although you can get tax relief on some of the interest cost (not all). Also you’re going to want buildings insurance too.

And this is assuming it’s occupied pretty constantly so you have the rental income every month.

With one property it’s a nice add on to a regular income and not something to rely on to pay the bills.

@RJnomore1 I’m sorry but that ‘s not right re rental income. I own rental property in my sole name but it was funded jointly. I am sole tax payer as the income is mine. My husband has no tax liability - marriage in itself does not create a tax liability in these circumstances

I am going to do a sweeping statement here but "My husband is saying don't worry about finding another job just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and then be a SAHM but I'm worrying about money"

Which sometimes translates into I will now do nothing except work and you will do everything house/child related.

So this isn't only about finances but about attitude. There have been thousands of posts on here over the years from SAHMs about needing a haircut and a new winter coat but their Dh deems it not necessary and yet spends thousands on his hobby or has money tucked away in the bank and yet the wife has no access to it.

Will he expect his slippers on arrival and his dinner cooked and on the table? Does he value the role of a SAHM?

I have been a SAHM for over 15 years, I also have a Dh who sees me as an equal partner, who believes he is on duty the second he steps foot through the door. When we both worked we shared nursery drop off and pick up, our money was our money and this didn't change when I became a SAHM.

As above, holidays, new cars, appliance breakdowns. Can you cover it all on one salary? It doesn't matter what a man earns it is how and where that money is spent and whether you agree on finances.

e worked this out and agreed it was about 150k to live the life we want and be able to fill the gap I wouldn't be getting from work / paying to a pension for myself.

I'd say about £30k if you are in the south east and willing to be frugal. Less if you are in an area with lower living costs. More if you want to maintain a particular lifestyle.

Mumsnet is very anti SAHM. Sometimes it just makes more sense for a family for one parent to stay at home when the kids are little. I was at home 5 years, and while its not what I would have chosen, it was the best option for my family at the time.

@JohnGetHomeNow

I am going to do a sweeping statement here but "My husband is saying don't worry about finding another job just relax and enjoy the pregnancy and then be a SAHM but I'm worrying about money"

Which sometimes translates into I will now do nothing except work and you will do everything house/child related.

So this isn't only about finances but about attitude. There have been thousands of posts on here over the years from SAHMs about needing a haircut and a new winter coat but their Dh deems it not necessary and yet spends thousands on his hobby or has money tucked away in the bank and yet the wife has no access to it.

Will he expect his slippers on arrival and his dinner cooked and on the table? Does he value the role of a SAHM?

I have been a SAHM for over 15 years, I also have a Dh who sees me as an equal partner, who believes he is on duty the second he steps foot through the door. When we both worked we shared nursery drop off and pick up, our money was our money and this didn't change when I became a SAHM.

As above, holidays, new cars, appliance breakdowns. Can you cover it all on one salary? It doesn't matter what a man earns it is how and where that money is spent and whether you agree on finances.

Yes this OP. What's your husband like? Also bear in mind that after a certain income level it's more tax efficient to have 2 working people on a modest salary - rather than one high earner. Childcare may be expensive but it's temporary.

More than you need. Less than you want. If you make a distinction between needs and wants when it comes to spending.

My DH earns just over £35k, and I’ve been a sahm of 3 up until very recently (I went back to work part time in august).
But we are very lucky that we pay really low rent on our house! If we had normal market-rate rent to pay in our area, there’s no way we’d be able to swing it.
I toyed with the idea of going back to my previous job after we had DC2, but the cost of childcare for both DCs would have eaten my entire wage plus a bit of DH’s, so we’d actually have been worse off financially had I gone back

Its not just about how much they earn, it's about a multitude of other factors

• how will the imbalance in finances affect your relationship
• do you enjoy yoUr job, will you miss it

• how secure is his job, could he be made redundant
• how does he feel about the stress of being sole earner
• will you still be able to make pension contributions
• will you get a regular break of some sort

I was a SAHM when my sons were growing up (I'm now 62, sons are 40 and 37 now)

My husband has never earned much (nothing like the figures you mention, he's on probably £30k NOW). We had a mortgage when son no. 2 was a year old, ran a car, albeit second-hand, and sacrificed a lot of things (new clothes for husband and I, evenings out - our sons never once had a baby-sitter), new things for the home. It was a struggle, but we got by, and our boys had decent clothes, we had days out and cheap holidays in a caravan etc.

I didn't work full-time until they were 18 and 15. Times have certainly changed,but we did what we felt was best for us all.

Enough to put into a pension for the woman what goes into the pension for the man

A couple of hundred more per month than the total of your monthly outgoings