Anxiety is starting to spiral. Best budgeting advice please?

[Needanewadventure2021]

Hi

I really dont want to make a big deal out of it as an awful lot of us will now be feeling the same way. However my anxieties over financial worries is starting to cripple me. I'm scared, I'm upset alot and I'm losing sleep worrying how I'm meant to manage.

I am single parent working 30 hours a week around my 7 Yr old DS. I have tried working full time but im actually on near the same income now as I was working more hours (as had to pay for childcare and lost tax credits). My net income a month is just under 1100. I then get topped up by tax credits. I also receive CB and maintenance, however despite it being via a DoE maintenance is intermittent so its hard to count that as guaranteed, and the CMS have been very unhelpful and never seem to be on my side.

My outgoings have already been stripped back. Sim only phone, no TV contracts, cheap broadband of 20 a month, 12 plate car paid off. Remortgaged to a better deal. Energy is crippling me. Cheapest deal was a 48 percent increase which come as a shock as I have never ever used more that my monthly DD and have always been in credit. Now the usage is being used up by my monthly payment and I am now scared to put the heating on over the winter! (Not extra units being used than normal). I cant see how I can drop any other outgoings as they are your main ones they everyone will need. I get the single occupancy discount on my CT too. I also repay the exs debt still that he ran up in my name. This has been shifted to 0 percent over 27 months which has given me abit of breathing space.

I've lived in my home 10 years. I am mortgaged. I should be able to live fine. It's making me feel like a really crappy mom. My Ds clubs have all been stopped. We don't have days out. Even though I work I am poor! And I am regularly mocked for not having a life. I cant bloody afford one!

I have had a benefit check and already receive everything I am entitled to. A move to UC doesn't work out well for me and is a big decrease on tax credits.

I hate all this worrying.

I'm looking for better paid work. Ideally with some work from home involved so I can work around my Ds as much as I can. Family are unable to help and he has no contact with his Dad. I feel a better paid job now is my only real option. I'm good at what I do but it will never pay more than I am currently on. I also want more from my career.

Does anyone have any good budgeting tips please? For example I was thinking once DDs are all paid maybe I could withdraw cash and use cash envelopes per week so be more mindful when I food shop. I am pretty good really and ive managed to cut the bill down well but its easy to scan my debit card isn't it.

Sorry for rambling. I just think today has been a hard day. Though my DS dad is absent by his choice he seems to have landed on his feet. Lots of travel, nights out, flying lessons and recently enrolled as a mature student at Uni. When I was told this I stupidly checked on the fees and was saddened to see the course PT was more than double what he is ordered to pay my son per year. And on a FT basis the yearly course cost is the equivalent of over 5 years worth of maintenance for my son. It just seems so unfair that we are struggling and he has been able to self improve. He left me with somewhere around £30k debt 6 years ago which I am still paying off but he has been able to better himself and his career potential. This is now the second uni degree in 7 years! But strangely remains in the same low paid job he has been in since his teens!

Sorry to rant.

Thanks for your time x

He earned a lot in Amazon vouchers in the first few months then it sort of dried up/he got bored!

Heated throws and similar are pennies to run compared to having the ch on. I've still not got my ch on and I'm in Scotland

DLA -

It's not the condition it's the effect on the claimant

I don't have a firm dx for my physical disability partly as different specialists want to "claim" it - if I see a neuro person I get a neuro dx, if I see an orthopaedist it's bones, if I see a physio it's muscular... it's probable a combo!

Also I have ocd but some can have ocd and still work and lead a (relatively) normal life (as I have been able to at times) but at the moment it's really severe for me and I can barely leave my bedroom!

It's not just the money you receive where it helps either, having an "official" recognition that your child is disabled means you can access other support eg travel cards, discounts, cold weather payments, support if you have a power cut etc

Think I said already I always use welfare advice office for help with claiming/completing forms and don't be put off if at first it is rejected SO many are (there have been many reports that this is because of dwp "targets" rather than claimants not meeting criteria) you appeal - I had to at first and I had to do this when I was incredibly mentally unwell too but I had no choice as otherwise we (dd and I) would have been homeless and destitute! Not an exaggeration.

So go for it

Hi OP. I'm a newly single mum of two. Anyhow have you got a Natwest rewards account? It's great! They literally give you money for logging into online banking once a month and having a few Direct Debits come out. I have £25 in my rewards account atm and let it build up before withdrawing it.

I have just started using Airtime rewards - shopping at asda, wilko, boots, halfords, etc and you get money off your phone bill.
not much, but it helps. I've racked up nearly £5 in a month.

www.airtimerewards.co.uk/

if you use a referral code it kicks you off with £1 bonus (I also get £1.
dunno if it's appropriate to share code here - but if interested DM me.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling @Needanewadventure2021 but you sound like you are doing the best that you can to make things nice for your DS on a budget . I think it must be frustrating when you are doing all the things normally suggested to reduce costs and you are still struggling to make ends meet .

As for your ex, I am angry on your behalf that you are left paying off his debts whilst he is able to invest in training and go out having a good time .

Within your current budget , although you are doing the recommended things such as batch cooking etc. As you have said you aren't quite sure where your money is going here, perhaps you can do a bit of monitoring of exactly what you are paying and for what with your groceries shop as there may be ways you can cut down even more .

Long term you are right that you will need to look for opportunities to earn more but I completely understand what you say about the tax credits and also distance to travel for a job similar to your previous role.

Are you able to work out exactly what you would need to earn so that you benefit from the extra income without losing any of the allowances you can claim at present ? Could you then have a look and see what is a available at that salary without the travel ? There may be other roles which you would have the right skills for, it's worth continuing to look.

Thank you for all your replies. There's so many things I need to look into so thank you for bringing them to my attention.

I have been looking at remote working jobs and intend to start looking into these in more detail over the next few days. Currently recovering from covid which has been tough. But its also times like this I wish I had the ability to work from home as although I've felt horrendous most of the days I still would have worked to guarantee I am paid. Now I dont know how pay will work until payday which is too late to find out I'm short as my bills go out 1st.
But I feel like remote working would enable me to still be around for the school runs AND allow me to work more hours once I'm back home after school. Currently anything more I earn won't make much difference as the more you earn, the less Tax Credits you get and if its part way through the year a pay increase will very likely mean you have been overpaid so more money will be taken from you to clear the overpayment. I'd love to be off them altogether as silly as it sounds thats a dream of mine to be financially stable on my own. Hopefully I will get there one day. I've kind of eliminated the idea of working in a school. School holidays would be perfect but I'd definitely have to take a pay cut which I cannot do. I am also really trying to avoid afterschool care. My son's breakfast club is ran by the school and is very cheap at £2.50 a day. His school are looking into introducing an after school club and holiday club, which when I heard I thought amazing. Turns out is £16.50 per child per session afterschool. I've nothing against people who do it but I don't think I want that for my son. Leaving the house at 7.30 and not getting home until 6.30. That's an extremely long day for a child and I dont think I will ever achieve a salary (im talking higher rate tax payer) to even consider it. I also find it expensive afterschool. Plus I want to find the right balance. Our financial struggles are not his fault so I just want to find something that will work for us both. I'm willing to give more of myself to a job in terms of time, but it will never be a priority over my child

Our primary school was that much per child 10 years ago 😳 as we had 3 DC we managed by using just breakfast club and DH working 8-3 and me working full time and dropping them off at school. The luxury of having another parent to share the load!

Even if you had a salaried role where you get sick pay would be a start plus more than the minimum annual leave. Every but helps. Where I am we can choose to buy additional leave which in your circumstances would be worth it too.

My annual leave is poor. It barely covers anything. It goes entirely on school holidays and my parents help me with the other 10 weeks.

I imagine alot of my problems could be solved by having a second parent around/income coming in. Im not suggesting that's what you have implied by the way, but I have often thought how easier it would be with two salaries coming in and sharing the load. I've never met anyone else since my son's Dad. A bit of being put off lol but I've always been so independent I'd really struggle morally not being able to pay my way in a relationship. I think being saddled with all the debt has made me feel its impossible to move on freely. I mean I can't even afford to take my son out so defo no money for a life for myself.

We used to get sick pay at work. Out if the blue it seems people have had it stopped with no explanation.

I'm feeling alot more at peace with everyones replies though. I really appreciate it

See if you are eligible for the Covid isolation payment.

I think I can only apply if I'm not being paid. Work won't confirm. Historically people with covid have been paid at work. But things have unexpectedly changed and we don't know where we stand

Is it possible to get in touch with somewhere like Step Change to negotiate with your creditors ?
Maybe reduced payments ?
Can you apply for the Warm Home Grant ?
It's tough , I've been there.

@RandomMess

I work for a university, non-student facing so we are WFH long term, may be similar with civil service roles too. DH has been WFH for years now. I just do one day per week in the office.

Agree. A lot of non public facing CS roles are now mostly WFH. We are going to be going in 2 days a fortnight in future. They offer flexi time too. I work with a single mother and she nips out to the school run. As long as you are getting your work done, it's not a problem.

Have a look on civil service jobs OP.

This is really good to hear. My company are against flexible working sadly.

I've never sought any debt advice. I've not wanted anything on my credit file and feared going in to any sort of arrangement would would mean it would be registered. I think im too far down the line now anyway. It was always in my name so legally I had no choice, but over the years I've switched it all between 0% cards and paid minimum. My goal was to have it cleared by the time my 5 year mortgage term was up. Unfortunately that didn't happen but hopefully in another 2 to 3 years (seems so far away) it will be finally gone.

I have applied for the warm home discount. I've always had it but I didn't fit much of the criteria on BG Evolve when submitting my application. I did argue how it makes a difference if my child is under 5 or over 5? They still live in a home where the income is below their threshold and they need to be kept warm. I've never understood the reasoning behind specifying an age of the child. Arent children considered children until the turn 18? But ive applied and I have to wait and see

Definitely have a look on civil service jobs then. You can set up email alerts too, in case there isn't anything suitable on there now.

Good luck OP.

Hi everyone, hope we are all ok.

I'm actually abit embarrassed to ask this but it's regarding DLA for my child. I've always believed he needs an official diagnosis? Can someone correct me on this? His been under various consultants and CAMHS however CAMHS have now discharged him as they feel his anxiety it learning related. I'm noticing more and more lately little things he does that he could easily hurt himself and he would if I wasn't there to stop him. His always been like this but as his got older it has become worse. It's become part of who he is and no one seems to want want help me (doctors) but I do worry he will injure himself. His always had a 'desire' to feel physical impact on himself which I was told is common with children with sensory issues. But his actually punching himself in the face now and hurting himself telling himself he hates himself :-(
He also suffers from debilitating migraines for which has has been hospitalised. After a particularly horrible episode a few months where he was admitted to hospital 5 times over 2 weeks ago we have finally received his diagnosis of migraines and hypermetropia.

I am embarrassed to ask but should I be informing tax credits at all?

Thanks for any advice

Sorry I meant to say I know hypermetropia and astigmatism is due to him being longsighted. Was just saying what his diagnosis is

You do not need a diagnosis to claim DLA you need some professionals to back up your claim. How much extra support does your child require because of their needs in comparison to his peers.

For example. My son has ASD/ADHD. His peers were able to walk to school from the age of ten say. He wouldn't be safe to do this. He is impulsive and lack road sense to keep himself safe. What extra measures are in place at school to support him with his extra needs.

It is worth having a look at the form
And seeing what supporting evidence you have to back up your claim.

This is why I haven't bothered. Nothing is in place at school and believe me I've battled with it for years with doctors and senco being involved. But I don't feel any real help is given. Every day he is coming out with 'bump notes' normally bangs to the head, sometimes multiple bump notes a day. I can only go by how he is outside of school, his accident prone, no road sense, and lacks common sense in that I have to tell him time and time again about road safety and personal safety. He sees no danger and doesn't think twice about running off. However maybe this is just typical for his young age. I dont know. In terms of his learning he is approximately 2 years behind where he should be but again there seems a reluctance to offer him extra help.

His migraines have been officially diagnosed. We went through a period of very serious ones earlier in the year. It was horrendous for him and upsetting for me. Since he has been medicated he gets migraines but not to the severity or frequency he was getting them thanks to medication every night.

You have nothing to lose by applying. I would give it a go

I also think you are doing really well on that amount. The only thing I can think of is either some craft where there will be a bit of out lay to start like making earrings or proof reading. I know someone who did proof reading for a couple of authors.

You might not want to do it but food banks are not just there for people on benefits and have gifts at Christmas. My friend runs one at church linked to the Primary School but they help anyone. They also help provide shoes and school uniform. If you only used it for a couple of weeks it would get you ahead a little bit.
Someone mentioned allotments. Near where DD was living there was a large allotment split into different sections. One was a community one. You went along about once a week and people worked together so you learnt about growing veg and fruit. You were then able to have a share of the food and there was also food available that people who had their own plot donated surplus food to others. You could move on to a small plot of your own and later to a larger plot when was available. So have a look around for something like that.
Could your son join Cubs? I know they used to fund children that couldn’t afford it. Another club not many people know about is St. John’s ambulance in our area run Badgers which is a club for kids and they learn all about First Aid but also have some games.
Have a look around for church groups that offer meals. You could always offer to volunteer for a night. You and your son would get out and have a free meal once a week. Sally Army do it but other church and community groups do too.
School- is he on free meals. You need to have a word with the Head as you can have him on school trips for free. It is only voluntary to pay and they don’t leave kids behind who can’t pay. It can be very discreet. When it comes to week trips there is charities that that school can tap into to pay for them. I used to work in a Primary. Logo school clothes can also be obtained through a school uniform fund.
Local radio might have a Cash for Kids programme for Christmas.
I would also say Citizens Advice. DD had a friend who worked for them and she loved getting her teeth into solving things for people. She started as a volunteer then got a job there. She said there are things they can tap into which a lot of people don’t know about. Worth a try.
You sound like you are doing a really good job.

Apply for DLA seems such a long process and complicated. I may just leave it as its been part of our lives since forever

Unfortunately the Learning Difficulties that used to gain 4:20 hrs has been dropped. They move the goal posts so children that would have got that twenty years ago don’t now. It isn’t the school fault there are lots of kids that you feel need support but you can’t get funding for. If there is a TA in supporting someone else then usually they have a little table so you can support all those children.
I would speak to the GP it sounds like he might haveDyspraxia. It doesn’t always come with funding but sometimes the child will do an extra programme, I did one for 15 minutes a morning with two pupils. They really enjoyed it. It improved their skills.
Kids of that age do have lots of bruises but every day is too much.

I agree it's too much. Every day he comes out with a note. On a fair few occasions 2 or 3 bump notes. He told me last night he kept falling over at school because his legs wouldn't work. He tries to explain what he mean but isn't able to do so very well. He often says he feels like he isn't in control of his body. But I don't know what it means

It seems like actually you need to go back to the GP and start the referral process again

Good luck with filling in the forms.

This will be the the 3rd referral. See what I mean im getting nowhere. Last year they were on the ball. But after July 2020 I've been waiting