How much is in your "escape fund"?

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 2021-08-25T06:57:32+00:00

I know many women keep some money in a separate account just in case things go tits up in their relationship. If you do this then how much is in it and why that amount?

DDIJ · 25/08/2021 07:59

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Original poster

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 25/08/2021 08:02

@DDIJ

This is no good if you are married. You need to find another way to keep money because it all has to be declared during the divorce process.

Yes I know, the money is for the period before any hypothetical divorce is finalised

OP posts:

Northernsoullover · 25/08/2021 08:06

@DDIJ

This is no good if you are married. You need to find another way to keep money because it all has to be declared during the divorce process.

It does enable you to leave. Even if you have to take it out of your 'share' at the end. Having money available to you means you can escape. How many MN posts have their been where people don't have anything in their name?

DDIJ · 25/08/2021 08:07

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Originally · 25/08/2021 08:11

I have half a house, two db pensions and tens of thousands in savings.

But I've always been the rich one in my relationship. I think DH has about £3k in an ISA, bless him.

headintheproverbial · 25/08/2021 08:12

My friend has about EUR50k in hers! I'd never even considered it but I am now.

To those posters talking about declaring the income. It's not about stealing money or hiding it - it's about enabling an escape to set yourself up in the worst of circumstances (abuse, affair).

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 25/08/2021 08:14

@DDIJ

You will need to provide a year's bank statements when you declare your finances so do bear that in mind.

The money tends to be literally escape funds (so travel back to family or friends or able to rent a flat , or hire a good lawyer or whatever) or funds to cover things when the man fucked off with all the money and not contributing anymore. We're not talking hundreds of thousands of pounds . Most of it tends to be wiped out before divorce proceedings are even started.

TheCuttySharp · 25/08/2021 08:14

@Originally

I have half a house, two db pensions and tens of thousands in savings.

But I've always been the rich one in my relationship. I think DH has about £3k in an ISA, bless him.

How condescending. He is lucky to have 3k. I have no savings at all through crappy circumstances . 'bless him'

PermanentTemporary · 25/08/2021 08:16

I have a nest egg (enough to live frugally for a year say) and a house which I inherited from dh. I'm shit at saving. It feels really bad that I'm only financially ok because he's dead. I'm trying very hard now never to be financially dependent again. My pension isn't great but it exists and I have life insurance so ds should be all right if anything happens to me.

Bookaholic73 · 25/08/2021 08:17

I am just about to start my escape fund. I’m aiming to save about £10k.

blissfulllife · 25/08/2021 08:20

I've enough to keep me going for two months ie rent, food, and enough for a deposit if I have to flee. It's in an account in my daughters name. I'm in a good stable loving relationship but 24 years ago I had to leave my then husband with my kids and our clothes in bags. 34 quid to my name. I'm never letting myself be in that position again.

I've encouraged my grown up daughters to do the same and they know that if they need it they too can access my "fuck off fund".

mynameiscalypso · 25/08/2021 08:21

Apart from my share of our house, I have about £20k in an easy access saver that DH has no access to (mainly because we have separate accounts anyway). If we needed that money in an emergency, I'd absolutely use it but I keep it mentally separate to our nominally joint savings.

PennyWus · 25/08/2021 08:25

Depends on circumstances, let's assume you are healthy and able work full time and don't have to fork out for preschool childcare and are debt free with a good credit rating.

Think you can get away with 3 month's rent (for rent deposit and initial rent) and some money for a good solicitor. Then a credit card with a reasonable limit and a willingness to do ANY job.

Having a support network to help with kids is sensible as part of your back up plan.

You would also be advised to reduce other commitments - eg reduce yourself to a cheap SIM only phone plan, don't have a car on finance, no gym membership, don't be on the hook for Sky or Netflix subscriptions etc.

Originally · 25/08/2021 08:26

@TheCuttySharp cheerful whimsy is really not your thing, is it?

Bless your grumpy little soul.

LubaLuca · 25/08/2021 08:30

My mum has had an escape fund ready for me since before I got married. I've been very happily married for 20+ years, but she does like to err on the side of caution - 'If your father could do it to me, it can happen to you! All men are bastards!' The fact is she'll be disappointed if I never have to go to her, cap in hand.

Anyway, I have enough money on deposit to live comfortably for long enough to divide the joint assets, pay a deposit on a rental etc. My husband has a very loose grasp on our financial arrangements, so he wouldn't know where to start if he wanted to stop me getting at cash.

Reddip · 25/08/2021 08:55

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LubaLuca · 25/08/2021 09:04

@Reddip

Sounds like your DH could do with an escape fund.

He could do with listening when I tell him about our accounts is all, but as I said we're very happily married so this is all academic. When I said I had enough on deposit to do x,y and z, I didn't mean that those funds are intended for those things. I'd be devastated if either of us had actual escape plans.

mdh2020 · 25/08/2021 09:05

Financial advisers now tell all female clients that they should have an escape fund. It is just to enable you to leave if you should want/ need to. My daughter has a friend who is caught in this situation with no family to turn to and no money as her husband controls even her salary. The message there is to always have your own bank account - something my daughter says I taught her at a very young age. Probably men should also have a similar fund, but they tend to be higher earners in a relationship and also are more likely to be in control of the family finances.

BillMasen · 25/08/2021 09:15

Everyone, men and women, should have access to their own savings. I know not everyone can have a few k, but even a few hundred if possible would allow them to leave should they need to.

I understand the posters point about how it’s all part of the pot anyway, but this is for the short term, the rainy day

No one should be advocating hiding serious finds from their partner so as to not declare it. That’s not the point here

AnotherVice · 25/08/2021 10:23

I have about £1k in cash in my locker at work. It wouldn't last long but enough to stay in a travelodge for a few nights and make a plan. I also have several supermarket vouchers each with £25 on so I'd be alright for supplies.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/08/2021 10:28

I don’t have an escape fund. I think if it ever came to it, I’d toss DH out with just his clothes, what he can carry and his (separate account) credit card. Why should I be the one to leave? I’m the high earner so can well afford everything on my own. In fact, I was paying for everything when he lost his job during Covid and was out of work for a year.

Ellarain · 25/08/2021 10:43

I have €30,000 split between post office and credit union. DH and myself went through a bad patch 6 years and I literally had not one penny as I was a SAHM. Got myself back to work when youngest started school and built up my savings. I swore I would never be in that position again where DH controlled me because of money.

BillMasen · 25/08/2021 10:50

@PlanDeRaccordement

I don’t have an escape fund. I think if it ever came to it, I’d toss DH out with just his clothes, what he can carry and his (separate account) credit card. Why should I be the one to leave? I’m the high earner so can well afford everything on my own. In fact, I was paying for everything when he lost his job during Covid and was out of work for a year.

Good point It’s as important for a man to have a fund as he’s more likely to be the one “asked to leave” or “thrown out”

Original poster

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 25/08/2021 11:00

@PlanDeRaccordement

I don’t have an escape fund. I think if it ever came to it, I’d toss DH out with just his clothes, what he can carry and his (separate account) credit card. Why should I be the one to leave? I’m the high earner so can well afford everything on my own. In fact, I was paying for everything when he lost his job during Covid and was out of work for a year.

That's fine as long as you don't rely on a joint account that he can drain

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Clovacloud · 25/08/2021 11:16

My Nan gave me £6k just before I got married for an escape fund. Literally nothing to do with my husband (now married happily for 20 years!) but she’d been married 4 times and had obviously needed one more than once. It’s now sitting in an account until my daughter needs it. Better to have one than not to have one.