How much is in your "escape fund"?

[AllAroundTheWorldYeah]

I know many women keep some money in a separate account just in case things go tits up in their relationship. If you do this then how much is in it and why that amount?

Nowadays, I have a toothbrush and a credit card, so probably have the bases covered.

There were times, as a student, when I consciously decided to not argue with then DP because I didn't really have anywhere else to go. I acknowledge how lucky I was to graduate, get a decent job and gain control of my own finances.

I would not want anyone else to be in that position so would indeed encourage everyone to have some "running away" money.

@Originally

I have half a house, two db pensions and tens of thousands in savings.

But I've always been the rich one in my relationship. I think DH has about £3k in an ISA, bless him.

Yeah and probably plotting his escape

5k in savings and I’d take half the joint savings with me oh and 1/2 the pensions haha

Having a few thousand easy access is important for everyone. I live on my own, house paid for, no children and reasonable savings. But having £5000 in a quick access fund to pay for a hotel or similar whilst I gather my thoughts in a crisis is important to me.

I kept all the (joint) savings in my name, plus we had a joint account. The superficial reason was tax implications (back when interest existed, remember that) I didn't earn enough to pay tax he was higher rate. It meant that I did have access to £10k+. When we very amicably split he was amazed that there was £38k in savings, he had no idea

@Originally

I have half a house, two db pensions and tens of thousands in savings.

But I've always been the rich one in my relationship. I think DH has about £3k in an ISA, bless him.

So you’re married and have large savings but your husband doesn’t

I’ve seen many threads on here where a man doing this is called many things. Sometimes abusive.

@BillMasen Surely it's only abusive if you don't allow the other person access to them? At various points, I've had zero savings and my DH has had plenty. For various (unexciting) reasons, I now have vastly more savings than he does. He knows about them and I would happily give him access and/or the money if he wanted or needed it (and, in reality, I'll use most of them to pay off our joint mortgage). But they're not 'joint' savings per se.

I am on my own and don't intend living with. anyone else, but l would advise anyone in relationship to really think about this. Men often refuse to leave the family home, even if they are in the wrong, they won't just go because you tell them to, and they can make things very difficult out of spite. Love and hate are a lot closer than you think, especially once relationship turns sour.

My friend has 20k sitting in her sisters savings account that she can syphon off when needed. She's still saving I think!

If the roles were reveresed on this threat the husband would have an absolute slapping!

@fromdownwest

If the roles were reveresed on this threat the husband would have an absolute slapping!

That's because statistically the husband is more likely to have the higher/only income and more assets and less likely to also have children with them when they "escape".

It's not exactly a like for like situation.

God fucking dammit I really hate the ‘if the sexes were reversed’ claptrap.

Many women find themselves in very dangerous, coercive domestic situations, often with children depending on them for safety too. Having some money stashed away to be able to leave in a hurry if needed is not by any stretch deserving of having an ‘absolute slapping’ (and what a horrible term to use in reference to a running away fund).

@fromdownwest

If the roles were reveresed on this threat the husband would have an absolute slapping!

I don't think so. It's fairly normal to think about how you would live if the rug was pulled from under you. Most people don't have actual escape funds or a secret stash of money, but when they're prompted to think about it they realise they have (or don't have) enough ready cash to be able to move quickly to make themselves safe and comfortable.

It's not mercenary or unloving to do some thinking about imaginary scenarios. Similarly I have a zombie apocalypse survival plan - I don't think I'll ever need it, but I have a vague vision of my best chance of survival.

@fromdownwest

If the roles were reveresed on this threat the husband would have an absolute slapping!

Relevance?

I have £6k in my "running away" fund. Just in case. I might not even be running away from DH. Sometimes I fantasise about telling work to stick it and know I have a wee cushion to give me a few months breather whilst I find a new job.

I reckon I have 14p in coppers in the bottom of a handbag! Naive or not maturity has enlightened me and this husband is the right one!

I have £2,000 in my current account at all times plus £20,000 in an instant access ISA. I have enough money to buy a flat or small house in premium bonds, 1 to 3 year access bonds and other savings accounts.

In my case my DP owns our home and 2nd home outright and I don't contribute financially to any housing, furniture and fittings or repair costs, or pay any bills, so if we ever split up I would have no legal or moral claim. I realise that this is a slightly unusual situation though!

@BillMasen
Yes agree it’s important for both partners in a relationship to have financial independence.

@AllAroundTheWorldYeah
Yes we do have joint accounts but we use them to pay the monthly outgoings. Money goes in as fast as it goes out to pay the regular bills and food shop. We also have separate accounts, investments, pensions etc.

I know if I toss DH out or if he runs off with a younger woman, he would only be able to drain a few thousand from joint accounts. That doesn’t even scratch the surface as far as my financial stability (or his). I’d be able to cancel my deposits to the joint accounts and re-route bills. I’d expect to pay all the bills anyway if he left and I stayed.

What DH and I call “my escape fund” is currently at around £25k because we used some of it to but a car at the end of 2019.

In reality is is family savings but in my name only because it made sense years ago when interest was taxed and I’m not a taxpayer. There’s no need to change it because we just share everything anyway.

Having grown up in a financially abusive household, I was very clear with my dh that everything had to be split equally in both names (where the other doesn’t have access) so I always had money to leave if I wanted to. He is the higher earner but all savings get split between us which means that we both have access to a hefty “escape fund” if ever needed. My dh didn’t (still doesn’t) really understand why but as I just insist it’s even, he doesn’t complain as he also gets 50%. Everything else is in joint names and equal apart from pension but this is just due to earnings and employer contributions.

I had PND a few years ago & at the time my relationship with DP was pretty awful. I had no money, no credit, and when I finally cracked and had to leave, I had to ask a friend to drive me for hours away from the family home to a safe place, where I was entirely reliant on the goodwill of others until I could set up benefits for myself and DD. It was a humiliating, life-changing experience for me.

Since then (my means are small) I've accrued about £2k in savings and have access to around £3k on credit cards. I will never not have money to get away again, even if it's just the train fare to get me and DD away.

@AnotherVice that sounds risky.

I am financially independent

I have savings & pay into a pension

I regularly escape on holiday

It is wise to have an emergency fund

I don't have an escape fund, but I earn substantially more than my husband currently.

Also not come across a financial adviser who tells women to have an escape plan, and I am one!

I don't have much. Maybe enough to keep me and my child for a month. I'm working on it though.