How much do you earn as a family?

[BertieBasset82]

Why I ask. I am currently pregnant - I earn £18k (dental nurse) and my partner earns £60k. We’re in Yorkshire and our mortgage is around £550 a month.
I’m wondering if we would manage if I didn’t go back once my maternity ended.

Will he pay into a pension for you? Nurses pension is excellent.

And how secure is his job?

Could we have been ok on £60k?

No! My DH (now ex) was in £152kplus a big bonus. I was on £50k. Bout outgoings reflected our income.

I didn’t go back to work and that was fine.

You can’t see income in isolation from outgoings

@Rolopolo2000

Could we have been ok on £60k?

No! My DH (now ex) was in £152kplus a big bonus. I was on £50k. Bout outgoings reflected our income.

I didn’t go back to work and that was fine.

You can’t see income in isolation from outgoings

Outgoings may reflect income but most of them are choice or have an element of discretion. There is usually room to cut down if you have to.

The OPs mortgage is only £550 pm so its not like they're spending all their money on housing because they 'have' to live in an expensive area.

Agree that the OP should consider the long term consequences of not working and think beyond her DP wanting her to be at home. I don't know how easy it is to get back into dental nursing after a career break, but I do know that there are a lot of dental nurses work part time/job share so that could be the way to go?

Being in nursery isn't necessarily a bad thing for DC, it gives them opportunity to socialise with other children etc. OP would your DP cut down or adjust his hours so he can do some of the childcare and give you more chance to work without spending all your salary on childcare.

He could work 4 days, you do 2 or 3 and then DC go to nursery for a day or two a week? If he won't think about adjusting his working hours to cope with the changes that will happen when he becomes a parent then why should you make all the sacrifices?

* Outgoings may reflect income but most of them are choice or have an element of discretion*

In theory yes
In reality...
Pulling children from private schooling
Moving house and location to cheaper area

Are huge and highly disruptive decisions. But yes, theoretically a “choice”

Yes I lived on far less than the equivalent of that so possible but it's down to circumstances and expectations. Do you have any debt other than the mortgage? What subscriptions/monthly outgoings do you have eg phone, gym, tv? I would suggest doing a spreadsheet of your monthly outgoings, annual outgoings (insurance, car tax etc are often paid annually) then add a set amount to save each month for Christmas, birthdays etc. An amount for clothing, leisure then is there anything left for holidays? I would suggest at least £100 at least on top of this is set aside for the unknown, ideally more as cars etc have a habit of breaking etc.

DP doesn’t really want him/her to go to childcare if we can avoid it and would rather I was home

If he doesn't want to have his child in childcare he should go PT and take on some of the burden of looking after his child. It makes far more sense for you both to work 80%.

If you both work 80% your household income is higher than if just one of you is working, you're paying a lot less tax, you both get employee pension contributions and tax relief on childcare costs, you'll be able to get child benefit, both of you continue to gain experience at work meaning both of you will continue to increase your salary. For YOU it makes you much more financially secure to have a paid job and up to date experience. What if he dies or leaves you if you don't work? Where are you then? And for goodness sake get married asap and have a big party once we're all vaccinated.

What we earn is irrelevant as our situation is very different, our kids are grown so there's allowances for food at university to be paid, he pays spousal maintenance, I receive spousal maintenance from exh.

I am PT three days in a professional job and DH is self employed full time but works shifts so income varies. Our rough joint annual income is £70-75k. We're in London but have a very small mortgage due to inheritance as DH has no surviving relatives outside me and our children.
I want to go self employed too but worry about the drop in our income if we did, with childcare fees etc, especially as we're in a flat and would like to move to a house

Just to echo what other said, think of childcare costs coming out of your joint income, not just yours. And think about long term impact on your earnings potential too.
What would happen if DH died or left you unexpectedly?
Sorry to be brutal but it's the long as well as the short term that matters

@coffeeandgin26

On that salary you must be receiving other support though eg subsidised rent, council tax rebate, free school meals etc, your cost base will not be the same as those of us who receive nothing, not even child benefit. I could live on my £1100 a month salary but only because my exh paid the mortgage, council tax and utilities plus the university costs as part of our separation agreement! It's not fair for me to say I lived on it because all I had to pay for was food, the sky package, my phone and petrol (he paid the car tax etc.) That's all changed now as we sold

@Rolopolo2000 That's exactly the reason I would never privately educate. I couldn't bare disrupting them if my circumstances drastically changed. I had to change schools (state) a bit due to my dad moving work. It was horrific. I hated it every time.

@BackforGood I used to earn £52k and was taking home £4K a month. So they've got more than that to play with.

Actually that can't be right... but it's definitely over £3k as that was the point I was actually able to save a fair bit

You're not even married, don't give up work! And he pays for half the childcare.

[quote YukoandHiro]@Rolopolo2000 That's exactly the reason I would never privately educate. I couldn't bare disrupting them if my circumstances drastically changed. I had to change schools (state) a bit due to my dad moving work. It was horrific. I hated it every time. [/quote]
It’s a risk
But my children have had 4 years there though and even if I had to remove.... those 4 years have been so wonderful and beneficial that I think the children would have taken 4 years and then a move over not having had the 4 years there.

Thankfully no reason to think I will need to pull them out. But it’s a risk, yes.

I’d prioritise them being there over anything above mortgage and essential bills if it came down to it though. That is how much they and I love it

I’d never give up work completely. Can you do just a couple of a week? Have you given thought to your pension?

@BertieBasset82

Thank you for your responses. It’s given me a lot to think about. We were due to get married in May but it was cancelled due to COVID, so the only reason we’re not married is because we weren’t allowed and had to postpone

You have been allowed to get married since March. Not all the time but some of it.

What you are not allowed is a large wedding party, which is totally different.

Get married now, and have the party later. Given your financial situation, you have been quite reckless to conceive and have a baby without legal protection.

A tiny Christmas wedding is very romantic . You can still have 15 people.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-wedding-and-civil-partnership-receptions-and-celebrations

Money wise DH brings in 73k and our mortgage is about the same as yours OP. I've recently gone back to work after being a SAHM for 11 years , I only work part time and bring home about £550 a month. We can comfortably live off DH's wage, hence why I only work part time. No childcare costs as our sons are now secondary/college age.

Personally whilst I loved being at home with my boys, looking back I wish I'd kept a very part time job going. It's been tough finding someone to take me on after all these years. I am trained in an industry but very rusty! Thankfully after much searching I found a temp job and have just been asked to stay on permanently

Side note but I'm also a dental nurse and planning to give up work. I would recommended staying registered though as if you come off the register it's really difficult to get back on

Never mind what your DP wants, what do you want? It's a big deal stopping work completely - it becomes much harder to go back and however good the intentions it obviously changes the balance of power in a relationship when one person is so completely dependent on the other. I hated it when my now-DH was out of work, we were ok financially on my salary but I felt like we couldn't have a proper argument because he wasn't in a position to tell me to get stuffed if I pushed too far.

Financially of course you'll be fine, we only pay £100 a month less than you on our mortgage and our joint income isn't much more than half your DP's. But that's assuming he doesn't decide that full time parenting isn't for him, or you don't start to feel like he's taking you for granted. Half an hour reading through the relationships board here should show you how this can go wrong.

Are you sure he's not putting money aside in secret?

DP is on £65k and I'm on £28k - we save over £2k a month between us and we don't live frugally by any means.

Either you're eating takeaway five times a week and drinking £20 wine every weekend I can't see where his money is going

Thank you all. It’s really opened my eyes and made me think I need to look at the bigger picture rather than the next few years. Also made me realise I need to look at our money management!

Based on that reason of childcare costs I would not give up my job OP. Maybe you could go back part time? This would reduce your childcare costs. The years fly by and it’s so important you think of yourself too.

@CorianderQueen

Are you sure he's not putting money aside in secret?

DP is on £65k and I'm on £28k - we save over £2k a month between us and we don't live frugally by any means.

Either you're eating takeaway five times a week and drinking £20 wine every weekend I can't see where his money is going

This

@BertieBasset82

DH earns £65k and I earn £27k (ish and will be dropping to £15k once I return PT from mat leave).
We are in Yorkshire but a pricey area. Our mortgage is £1000 and we have 2 newish (but non flashy) cars. One of which is owned outright the other we have a very low interest bank loan.

DH pays £500pm SL/pension but still makes £3200 per month. We are able to pay for everything from his wage and we save my wage.

We have reigned in our lifestyle since having DS and I do budget/ meal plan. Neither of us spends much on ourselves but we can treat ourselves to a coffee/cake when out and not think about it. (I grew up on the breadline so this is a luxury to me).

Two things don’t sit right with me about your post;

Firstly, you say DP not DH?!?! Now this doesn’t bother me until women start talking about becoming SAHM’s. Unless you have significant non marriage based legal protection in place please do not quit your job to be a SAHM when you aren’t married you have no legal protection. No right to stay in your home if the relationship breaks down and very little financial security.

Even if you own your home 50/50 you won’t be entitled to stay you’ll literally just be entitled to basic CM whilst DP trots off into the sunset with his high earning wage in tact. You supporting him and raising his children would be taken into account in a divorce, many women gain a higher percentage of equity and the child’s homing needs have to be met. If you’re not married you’re basically on your own. I would never risk it.

Secondly, your finances sound off. By quite a lot. So much so I wonder if DP is actually sharing all his money. Does he get paid into a joint account? Unless one/both of you are spending hundreds each month on stuff or paying off significant debts I fail to see where the money is going. Between your mortgage, utilities, basic bills...etc I would image it’s no more than £1250pm food and petrol make it £2000 ish + £500 general spending and baby prep. Where is the extra £2000 ish going? That’s a massive amount.