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Original poster

name changing since marrying - do I have to?

54 replies

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:02

DH & I got married a few months ago mainly for security & next of kins reasons. Alot of people don't even know we are married as it makes no difference to us at all. So, I have kept my name. we have just had our wills rewritten because of marrying (by my dad- that was his job pre retiring) and i notive that he has written: ' this is the last will and testament of......and given my DH's surname and then written (also known as.... - my name). Is this right? Am I now ....Dh's name aka my name or is it my Dad being old-fashioned? I need to get facts straight before tackling him!

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 13/10/2007 14:05

you don't have to change your name ever at all.

WideWebWitch · 13/10/2007 14:07

I've got the name I was born with despite being married twice. I've never changed my name.

sheepgirl · 13/10/2007 14:10

My husband is a solicitor and I have just asked him for you.

He says that name changing is a custom. It is not legal. You have the choice to keep whatever name you so desire.

It really doesn't matter how your father has written the will. Many documents you may have in the future will be in either maiden or married names. So long as you have your marriage certificate to prove that you are the same person in the event of a query there's really nothing to worry about.

glamourbadger · 13/10/2007 14:11

It's a funny one isn't it - I've always struggled with what my "legal" name is. I've been married for years but kept my maiden name, mainly due to DHs surname being so dreadful! My passport and license are in my maiden name but bills and things come through the post to my married name. It does become a bit complicated, especially with kids. Might have to bite the bullet and accept defeat!

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:12

Thank you everyone. I think it is my Dad having a bit of a dig TBH. I now have the knowledge!

OP posts:
EllHell · 13/10/2007 14:17

Noooo... glamourbadger... you keep your maiden name. It really isn't (much of) a bother at all, as long as you're consistent. I do find with the kids being at school that I find myself referring to myself as Ell-Bell-DD-DH'sName's-Mother (iyswim), but after a few goes of that they do seem to remember that Ell Bell goes with DD DH'sName. Everything else (including bills etc.) comes to E. Bell and DH DH'sName. Both my dds have my surname as a middle name. Chocolate shoes... you don't have to change your name, legally or for any other reason. I suspect your dad is just using a formula that he's used for others in the past. He may also be thinking that if, at some time in the future, you do adopt your dh's name, there might be problems with any assets you own under that name (???).

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:30

The other thing is DS has my surname and Dh's surname as a middle name. I can't really remember why we did it - just liked it that way. Now we are married does that make a difference?

OP posts:
Anchovy · 13/10/2007 14:41

It's a really interesting question. A lot of people (my MIL for example!) assume you have to change your name when you get married or somehow it changes automatically. You don't and it doesn't - you actually have to take positive steps if you do want to change your name after you get married. Anyone can be caled pretty much anything you like, but virtually anything official will want evidence of where you started and how you get to where you are now.

When you get married, you are effectively saying "I now want to be known as

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:44

Oh go on Anchovy!

OP posts:
moondog · 13/10/2007 14:44

I haven't changed my name (nor do I wear a wedding ring.)
Apart from obvious reasons,it is remarkably handy as if I get calls wanting to speak to Mrs Davies,I know straight away that they are dodgy.

moondog · 13/10/2007 14:45

Pisses me off when people assume our children take their father's last name.
They don't.They have both our names.

hatwoman · 13/10/2007 14:47

not really on the op but I agree with Ellbell (in principle and outcome though not method!) - I was epxecting it to get harder with school and clubs etc to have a different name to my dds but I have been really consistent at using my name - I always say "it's Hat Hawoman here, Tullulah Bottom's mum" and they do get used to it. I haven't really had any problems. The only time I use dh's name is for something really trivial like booking a restaurant table or ordering take away when it's just easier - because my name is long and needs spelling.

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:47

So Moondog do your kids have double barrelled names or is one of them a middle name?

OP posts:
moondog · 13/10/2007 14:48

double barrelled

moondog · 13/10/2007 14:48

What about your kids Choc?

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:53

Just have Ds. He has my surname but has Dh's name as a middle name. My parents are going on and on about it that now we have got married we should chnage DS's name to that of DH. But seeing as I'm not going to change mine I can't really see the point. Am totally happy to do it if there is a valid reason.

OP posts:
JulesJules · 13/10/2007 14:55

You don't have to change your name - it is just a custom, not the law. It's actually far easier to keep your own name - because you don't have to do anything! I didn't change mine, the Dcs have my surname and DH's surname as a middle name.

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:56

At lats someone with the same set up as us! And you have had no problems with this? Brilliant!

OP posts:
JacOLantanne · 13/10/2007 14:57

Can I hijack and ask a quick question. I am recently married and I have changed my name on some things. My passport has 3 years left to run, if I wanted to go on holiday next year on it would it be okay as long as the tickets were booked in my maiden name too - how would they know?

moondog · 13/10/2007 15:03

Jac.
All that matters is that tickets match passport.

Choc,really?
It amazes me how many people think it reasonable to interfere with things that have nothing to do with them!

Original poster
chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 15:06

Oh you wouldn't believe it Moondog...

OP posts:
Anchovy · 13/10/2007 15:08

Moondog - I didn't change my name. I do wear a wedding ring but that was on the condition that DH does as well. If he didn't want to, I wasn't going to.

Hatwoman - I do exactly the same - spend a lot of time saying - particularly as DC's school - "Hello, its Anchovy, 's mother. Never really had any probles at all. I always think it is much easier to stick with one name than to use different ones for work/home.

My name and DH's are impossible to double barrel. In fact, everyone pretty much laughs and says straight away - "blimey, you couldn't double barrel that". He already has a double-barrel and mine has a prefix, so DCs would end up as - for example - the "von Trapp Fotherington-Thomas's" It really would be sacrificing them on the altar of my principles!

RosaTransylvania · 13/10/2007 15:09

The fact that you are married doesn't matter. All that matters is that your passport and your ticket agree. You'll be fine as long as you make sure your ticket is in your passport name - the airlines charge a fortune for doing this if you make a mistake when you book the ticket so make sure whoever is booking the ticket realises it must be in the EXACT name on your passport.

As far as the OP goes, I didn't change my name, DH didn't change his, the children are double-barrelled and my will is very definitely in my own name - and so it should be.
What your Dad has done shouldn't make any difference to the legality of your will but if you do not normally use your husband's surname there is no reason to put it on the will, he is making a point and a not too subtle one at that.

JulesJules · 13/10/2007 15:10

I've had no problems at all. Very occasionally people have assumed I'm called Mrs DH, and I say, "it's JulesJules, I didn't change my name." That's all I've ever had to say.

moondog · 13/10/2007 15:11

I think we had a conversation on those lines Anchovy and he didn't want to wear one.
Kind of glad.I think men with wedding rings are emasculated and twerpish.