Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

name changing since marrying - do I have to?

54 replies

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 14:02

DH & I got married a few months ago mainly for security & next of kins reasons. Alot of people don't even know we are married as it makes no difference to us at all. So, I have kept my name. we have just had our wills rewritten because of marrying (by my dad- that was his job pre retiring) and i notive that he has written: ' this is the last will and testament of......and given my DH's surname and then written (also known as.... - my name). Is this right? Am I now ....Dh's name aka my name or is it my Dad being old-fashioned? I need to get facts straight before tackling him!

OP posts:

Original poster

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 15:13

Thanks Rosa. I did a double take when I read that name on the will. It certainly isn't me! Dad has given me the will on PC so don't know whether to just change it myself or to say something. Hmmmm....

OP posts:

JulesJules · 13/10/2007 15:15

Sometimes I say that DH didn't want to change his name when we got married.

moondog · 13/10/2007 15:17

lol

Yes,if anyone questions it (usually dull middle aged men) I ask them what their wife's last name is and then say would you like to be called Mr Wife's maiden name?

They generally laugh heartily and say 'Of course not!' at which point I say 'That is exactly how I feel at the idea of being called Mrs Davies.'

They shut up then.

RosaTransylvania · 13/10/2007 15:17

Yes me too Jules, I say 'we decided to keep our own names'. I got huge grief from my ILs by the way at the time, but everyone is over it now.
Chocolateshoes - I think if it were me I would change it and tell him you've just make a couple of small factual corrections and leave it at that!

moondog · 13/10/2007 15:19

What did yout ILs say Rosa?
(Once again staggered at people's assumption that it is owt to do with anyone but couple involved.)

RosaTransylvania · 13/10/2007 15:45

Well Moondog - first of all MIL insisted it was illegal for me to keep my name and went to her vicar to back her up - sadly he had to confirm that it was NOT illegal (though he clearly agreed that it marked me out as a dangerous radical). Then all was quiet for a year or two until I was pregnant with DD1 and they found out the baby would be double-barrelled. They went ballistic. Tearful phonecalls, furious phonecalls, poisonous letters, threats to disinherit, appeals to my parents to get me to see sense.
Then DD1 was born and I think they calmed down because she was a girl so it was not so important. Luckily we ended up with three girls!!!
Our relationship has never really recovered though - they said too much that I can't forget and made it clear what they really thought of me. I am polite and friendly to them but I can't bring myself to open up to them ever again.
Phew, sorry, bit of a long one - you did ask!

Original poster

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 15:52

Yes - you are right, Rosa

OP posts:

JulesJules · 13/10/2007 15:53

Oh Rosa, lol at a girl not being so important! And congratulations on having 3 of them!

lailasmum · 13/10/2007 15:57

I haven't changed my surname and DD has my hubbies surname. It simple and short so we thought we would use that rather than go double barreled. I would never change my name , i really can't see the point.

Original poster

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 16:03

Me neither Lailasmum. I am 'my name'! To see my name changed on a document was really very strange.

OP posts:

JacOLantanne · 13/10/2007 17:15

Thanks for the answer to my question

covenhope · 13/10/2007 19:30

We double-barrelled but tend to use my name only... It is a faff. When DD2 came along I suggested to DH that we gave her just my surname- since that's the name we both use. He wouldn't have it. I wish I'd fought a bit harder- it's started already. People choose to shorten it so drop the name we actually use.

I've now started saying "no I'm not Mrs DHname" on the phone to cold callers. It stops them in their tracks

moondog · 13/10/2007 20:26

Rosa,what a bloody lunatic!!

Original poster

chocolateshoes · 13/10/2007 20:30

Its mad that names can cause such a fuss isn't it

OP posts:

mummypoppins · 15/10/2007 20:21

Hi Chocalate shoes.......I have done both. I practise as a solicitor in my maiden name and use my married name outside of work.

The issue with the will is that when you die and your executors apply for a grant of probate it is the document that gives thenm legal authority to deal with your assets. If you have assets in one name and the will only refers to the other the executors will have a problem proving who you are tec and it will cause a delay so use both names just to avoid an issue in the future quickly !

Simple as that really and it is absolute standard practise in will drafting and as I do hundreds every year I would know !

janinlondon · 16/10/2007 09:44

Can I ask a related but slightly hijacking question here please? If you have a different surname from your children, do you have to take their birth certificates with you if you leave the country with them? (Asking for my sister).

GooseyLoosey · 16/10/2007 09:50

Been married 12 years and have kept my name. Dh's name useful for booking restuarants etc as mine unusual and very difficult to spell.

Dcs have dh's last name (double barreled not at all possible with our names). We thought long and hard about whose names they should have and decided that if they had my name, people were more likely to assume that dh was not their father (which would have been an enormous issue for him) than they would be to assume I was not their mother if we did it the other way around.

It does however mean that the school now assume I am Mrs Ds' last name and always have to be reminded who I am when I give my own name.

janinlondon · 16/10/2007 09:55

Goosey do you have to take their birth certificates if you leave the country?

lulu25 · 16/10/2007 09:56

some friends of mine tossed a coin when they got married to decide whose name they would have, and they now both go under the woman's name. i think that's sweet.

GooseyLoosey · 16/10/2007 09:57

Haven't but then have never taken them away without dh. Would not have occured to me tbh but if she is worried then I think she should (or at least copies).

morningpaper · 16/10/2007 09:59

No, you don't take their birth certificates, you have their passports

I think men with wedding rings are emasculated and twerpish.

roffle @ this

Pruners · 16/10/2007 10:01

Message withdrawn

starfish2 · 16/10/2007 10:27

It never crossed my mind to change my name.
I also have fun when people ask about 'Mrs Dh' and I reply 'actually it is Dr Starfish'.
I never had any problems with not having changed my name. So far

janinlondon · 16/10/2007 10:42

But MP their passports don't indicate that you are in any way related to them? I think you're right Goosey - she needs to have the birth certificate to show she's the mother. God what a pain. Only applies to one of her children. Thanks.

morningpaper · 16/10/2007 10:44

well they don't specify that their father is related to them either

My children have my surname as their last middle names

So their passport reads:

DHSURNAME
FIRSTNAME MIDDLENAME MYSURNAME

Looks clear enough to me

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread