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Original poster

My adult son is in debt and he can’t say a way out of it (trigger warning)

28 replies

ihatethecold · 09/09/2020 14:50

He owes about 10k to various companies including council tax , credit cards etc.

He has quite severe depression but works as a self employed person on a building site.
This Shut down due to CV and was horrendous for him.

Debt collectors are chasing him now so he sort debt advice about how to manage the debt from a debt charity.

He rents a flat from his friend who needs him to move out Early next year

If he gets an IVA or debt management it will stay on his file for 6 or 7 years.
There’s no way a rental agency will allow him to be a tenant in a property.
He will be homeless.
He has no assets at all. His income isn’t great especially at the moment.

He is talking about taking his life. He just can’t see a way out anymore.

He tried to do this many times in 2016. Not due to debt but he lost his family and he couldn’t cope.

He won’t seek help because he is afraid he will be medicated again.

I’m trying to assist him (Not financially) but it’s getting harder and harder.

OP posts:
annonxx · 09/09/2020 14:53

What about a DRO? If he has less than £50 disposable income and no assets worth over £1000 and a debt level of under £20,000 he would be eligible, did the debt charity not advise this? It is a one off fee of £90

Original poster
ihatethecold · 09/09/2020 14:57

Yes they did. I’m trying to convince him to do this. It also states that this will affect him if he needs to move house due to his credit rating.
At the moment it’s 110 out of 700. If he adds a DRO it will be worse.

OP posts:
Drowninginwashing · 09/09/2020 15:00

He lost his family....as in, his partner? Kids? They died? Or have i misread this. If this happened to him no wonder he is struggling. Could he move home for a bit?

yellowgusset · 09/09/2020 15:04

If he gets an IVA or debt management it will stay on his file for 6 or 7 years.

Yes... And suicide is permanent Confused It's a no brainer.

annonxx · 09/09/2020 15:16

I have been a debt advisor for years, and I have never known anyone not been able to get a property due to having a DRO on there file as most agents see it better them trying to sort out there finances then still being in debt. After the 12 months of the DRO and it is complete it doesn't usually come up on soft searches only hard searches x

KnobJockey · 09/09/2020 15:20

There are landlords who would accept that, especially if you would agree to be guarantor if he fell in arrears with rent

PlanDeRaccordement · 09/09/2020 15:20

I don’t know what a DRO is, but your DS credit score is the least of your worries. I’d do as the debt advisors say. Maybe ask a disability charity about supported housing due to DS mental health needs. The primary problem is to keep him alive and off the streets.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 09/09/2020 15:20

That’s useful to know anonnxx. I will tell him.

I don’t want to go into what happened with his family.

He won’t even speak to anyone At papyrus.
He seems past any sort of help.

We’ve been through the MH system in 2016 and he refuses to go there again.

I do understand why he says that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatethecold · 09/09/2020 15:23

I’ve cut and pasted your response Anonnxx and sent it to him.

He crashed his car this morning and it’s led to this spiral downwards.
He can’t afford to fix it so can’t get to work on his building site.

OP posts:
Drowninginwashing · 09/09/2020 15:23

Not asking you to go into it, sorry. Must have been incredibly hard whatever it was. Just saying his problems are kind of understandable if he has trauma. Good luck to you both OP

Original poster
ihatethecold · 09/09/2020 16:11

I know Drowning. it's just complicated and long and will completely divert from my need for advice today.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/09/2020 10:40

Can you at least pay for his car to be fixed?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/09/2020 10:42

Can he come live with you?

Original poster
ihatethecold · 10/09/2020 13:44

He can’t live with us unfortunately.

There are huge issues around money and me rescuing him.

I will offer emotional support but I’m not giving him anymore money.

These are boundaries I’ve had to put in place.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 10/09/2020 15:40

Could you actually pay the garage direct?

Original poster
ihatethecold · 10/09/2020 19:14

I’ve done a food shop for him and paid his car insurance direct so he can keep a bit of his wages to fix his car.

I feel a little calmer today and he sounds a bit better on the phone.

He still hasn’t made any decision about how to tackle his debt but small steps.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 14/09/2020 21:51

Credit checks for accommodation only show info that is available to the public anyway, such as CCJs and bankruptcy.

Tell your son to contact step change to discuss his options.

19lottie82 · 14/09/2020 21:53

And tell him check out the debt free wannabe page of the money saving expert forum. They’re fantastic at giving practical advice.

CoronaIsWatching · 14/09/2020 21:56

Ok but if he gets a DRO his debts may be wiped but what safeguards are going to be put in place to ensure he doesn't get into this situation again? I don't think it's a long term solution personally. He needs to focus on increasing his income and obtaining steady employment, the debts can come after.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/09/2020 09:01

If he gets a DRO presumably he'll be effectively banned from credit for six years so hopefully he can try and get used to living within his means during that time.

If he's not well enough to work, can he apply for benefits? As far as housing is concerned, he needs to look for a room in a shared house, or live as a lodger, or see if he can find a studio/small flat that's let privately, not through an agency, where checks won't be as onerous?

For work, has he signed up with agencies specialising in the construction industry?

Most sites have operated as normal throughout lockdown apart from a couple of weeks at the beginning and they didn't even need to close then and that probably only happened because what Boris Johnson said during his 'address to the nation' didn't match actual government guidance - he said you could only go to work if your work was essential when it was you can go to work if you can't work from home.

Apart from a day or two after that while companies worked out what they were allowed to do, the site DP works on has been running every day and I see plenty of other building sites running more or less as normal.

FinallyHere · 15/09/2020 12:59

if you would agree to be guarantor

Standing as a guarantor for someone with a bad credit history is a really bad idea. You might just as well accept that you will be paying the rent.

Doesn't seem to be in line with the incredibly difficult line OP is trying to walk in this very sad case.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 15/09/2020 13:23

To answer some questions.
His site was shut down for 3 months. It opened again at the end of June.
The work is sporadic due to other trades not catching up.
He has tried other companies that provide his trade but they have their own team already.

He hasn’t worked again for 8 days. Christ knows what happens on payday when he hasn’t earnt anything.

He has a UC claim and he submits his earnings at the end of the month to see if he gets any help.

I have practically begged him to get a GP appointment to get some help. This is a struggle and very frustrating.

Step change won’t help self employed. He spoke to a different charity about his situation.

I have said he needs to get a second job or other work.

He could sublet his 2nd bedroom but won’t entertain the idea (his landlady has agreed to this idea).

I got quite exacerbated this morning and had to end the call.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/09/2020 19:03

In all honesty OP, it seems like he doesn’t want to help himself right now. I understand it’s frustrating for you but as they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

Original poster
ihatethecold · 15/09/2020 20:21

I agree. He doesn’t want to live. It’s too hard and he’s so tired of constantly fighting to survive.

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 15/09/2020 20:30

Op , did he investigate if he was entitled to any grants that self employed were entitled to. Thousands of them went unclaimed.