Overwhelming debt.

[MummytoCSJH]

I'm stressed and I feel that there's no way out of this. All the money I put onto my cards I need so I end up spending again to pay my bills. I literally can't do anything else because otherwise my rent won't get paid. Can't get a loan without a guarantor which I don't have.

I have an overdraft of 2000 which I'm always in
Credit card 1 1900
Credit card 2 500
Credit card 3 600 (400 of this is a 0% balance transfer until Nov but can't afford to pay it off before then)
All up to their limits

Very bnpl (furniture when I moved into my council house) 395.90 due by Nov, 51 due by feb, 705.96 due by march
£6k+ to my ex who I pay 250 pm to on arrangement.

These debts all exist because I wasn't entitled to any benefits when I had to quit my job because I needed brain surgery. I'm a single parent and student and literally can't spend any less than I'm already spending. I can't get a job because my course doesn't have a set weekly timetable and I can't get childcare for night times. Sons dad is a 2 hrs drive (and neither of us drive) away so no help on that front. I get a tiny amount of UC and my student loan and child benefit which only just in total covers all my bills/payments BEFORE the credit card payments. Feel like I could cry I just don't know how to get myself out of this situation. I'm suicidal over this. Every time my student finance goes in/end of the term I am still in the same position I was before with debt. No idea what I will do when I graduate. Anyone got any advice??

You need to speak to Step Change. They can contact your creditors and help you make arrangements with them.

In all honesty, it’s not a huge amount of debt. You will get through this. You’ve taken the first step in asking for help.

Firstly, it’s just money. Nothing is worth compromising your mental health.

Secondly, it doesn’t sound like you can afford to be a student right now. Maybe you can return in a few years when you’re more settled.

Thirdly, seek professional, free advice. There are many charities that can help.

www.cap.org.uk

Stop studying for now and get a job. You can't afford to study right now. It's shit, but reality for many people. Studying is expensive.

If it makes you feel any better I was 25k in debt. I'm not trying to minimise your worry by saying I had it worse, I just want you to know there is a way out. Speak to stepchange as pp suggested. In the meantime I would open a new basic bank account and get all your money in there so you aren't losing it all in one go. Then you need to make sure you have a plan in place for a repaying your debts (that's why you need stepchange). Your credit might be shot for a bit but it will come back.
I chose an IVA and was accepted. Other options are a Debt Relief Order (which you might not be eligible for as I think you need more debt) most likely it will be an affordable repayment plan.
Do it! Honestly I cannot describe the relief when you open up to a debt counsellor. Its like the weight of the world is taken off your back.

I'd really like to avoid going onto a debt plan unless last resort because I'd like to get a car ASAP (would save a lot on transport costs) and buy a house at some point in the future, my credit score is actually perfect right now as I've never missed a payment for the 4 years I've had credit. I have read up on DRO but not seen IVA so I will take a look at that.

I've only got around 6 months left till I've completed my degree and I've fought an awful lot to be able to be at uni at all so I won't be leaving, this isn't an option for me. I'm still recovering from my brain surgery and not really in a fit state to be working full time so I decided now or never in regards to uni. When I was working full time I was actually earning less than I am getting in student finance and without my degree I don't have any decent quals so would be unlikely to get any job above min wage, I'd have less income than I do currently even working full time hours, that's if I could get a job right now which I think is unlikely given the current market and competition.

Thanks for all of your replies!

Does your ex pay any maintenance or are you just handing money over to him every month?

How far off buying a house are you? Is it far enough away that you can deal with dodgy credit for a bit?
I wouldn't stop studying either if you are so close to finishing. Well done for getting so far combined with parenting and a brain op! I'm a lone parent too and almost finishing my degree so I know how determination you must be. My degree will put me in much better stead for the future so completely understand why you want to complete it.

Have you looked at putting college/uni on hold for a few years? You need to do the math and see if working would work out better for you in the short term. Perhaps you could move closer to your sons Dad and you could share childcare? If I were you I’d do everything I could to get rid of the debt.

@Trikc did you not read her update? She has almost finished. 6 months pain for long term gain.

I've just done the budget calculator on stepchange website and it actually doesn't look as bad as I thought. It's really hard to budget with getting paid per term- especially if any expenses go up halfway through the term etc.

Have you approached your university for support? Most have a hardship fund you can apply for (I did this twice as an undergrad).

Why do you owe your ex so much? And would he be prepared to give you six months breathing space on that? Your uni might have debt management support, if not, your student union might.

Realistically if you aren’t paying anything off the balance of your credit cards because you are using it to live off than buying a house (getting the deposit, stamp duty and associated fees with buying) is going to be a long long way off yet!! The average deposit now is something like £40k!!
Even if you live somewhere that you can get a 2 bed for £100k you will still need to save 10k minimum. Won’t matter how ‘perfect’ your credit score is if you can’t afford to save the deposit.

Ginger - ex mentioned isn't DS dad. DS dad pays £40pm and has him every other weekend (so technically wouldn't have to pay anything) though I don't think 40 is enough it's not worth rocking the boat.

@Northernsoullover actually maybe yes. Tbh I was in such a good position with savings before my surgery and it all went to pot. Now maybe I'm just being too optimistic thinking it will be sooner than it will - might just be worth it for a few years to get rid of the debt and the stress! And thanks for your support and understanding! When I started uni I wasn't a single parent either, it was only halfway through my degree I split so expenses doubled then with no major income change for me as we literally split 50/50.

@milkjetmum I applied but was told credit cards don't count as priority debt, and I'm not behind on any payments.
@katmarie once I'd used all my available credit he paid the bills so I owe him my half plus a few other random things (which werent a problem at the time). When we arranged the repayment plan I could afford the amount I'm paying him back but that was taking into account I was only paying half of household bills.

Yes Brie I know you're right, as I've just mentioned before seeing your reply, it's just gutting thinking that way. I am looking at 15k in my area for what I need, which I almost had before getting ill. Probably being too optimistic on that front.

Could you not ask the ex to reduce payments?

Also if D.C. dad only has him one weekend every other week he most certainly does have to pay! It’s only 50/50 that means he doesn’t. I’d go via CMS if needed

DS dad pays £40pm and has him every other weekend (so technically wouldn't have to pay anything)
That doesnt make any sense. How much does he earn for it to be so low on just two overnights a fortnight?

Whats the degree in?

I think it would be worthwhile getting a proper spreadsheet that tracks your debt and your payments toward it. I use the snowball method and love seeing the months count down till debt free

As for breathing space with ex he's already let me off a few times and I'm just being a cheeky fucker really if I ask him to give me any longer I think. I'd rather it was just paid and he was out of my life. Also, I hate texting him to ask for things like this - my SFE had been delayed by 2 weeks due to us going back later, I texted him to ask if he'd mind if I paid him last months when it comes in (14th), got a blunt reply saying no need to ask in future if theres a delay, now it's been pushed back another 2 weeks as our starting date has and I hadn't budgeted for that (as when I got previous payment I obviously budgeted for the months between payments as they were at that point), daren't text to tell him again. I've now got to find that, an extra 4 weeks rent out of nowhere and all my bills because instead of paying me at the beginning of the month they're now paying me on the 28th after everything is due.

Surely if his dad has him for 4-6 days out of 30 each month then he would have to pay a higher maintenance? Unless he has a very low wage or declared wage?

Poor you, I've been suicidal over money before and like you it was caused by a medical issue I couldn't have planned for. Well in fact I did and that meant I wasn't as in as bad a position as I would have been without doing so, but again like you my savings were wiped and the feeling of starting again is heartbreaking when you've worked so hard.

Please do contact stepchange so they can at least signpost you to support if nothing else. And talk to your uni, as a single parent you're in a good position for a hardship fund. Sending you good vibes

He's on disability benefits as he has seizures (this came about since we had ds, not always been a thing) so doesn't have to pay anything based on that income. He has him 2 nights every 2 weeks - so 1 night a week - I've run it through CMS calc myself, he doesn't have to pay anything based on that.

My degree is in forensic and medical sciences so lots of career and further education options once completed.

Thank you newname I appreciate it! Thank you everyone else for your replies as well, anything helps.

Your degree is likely to lead to good employment and soon all this will be a distant memory. You are doing a great job and should be proud of yourself. Your ex (that you owe money to) sounds reasonable from what you have said about him. I understand you don't want to he cheeky but maybe if he knew your circumstances he would allow you a break or even to cut the payment in half for 6 months- that would make a huge difference to you.

I think it's worth asking uni again for a grant. Is it possible to go and see someone in person rather than just filling in a form? That might increase your chances. At my uni the Chaplain was a good starting point but I don't know about yours, mine was quite a 'traditional' uni. There will be someone though!

@drowninginwashing yes he really is reasonable, I'm grateful to him for that. I could try but not sure especially with the current situation as I think almost everything will be online and I also commute so a long way to go to not be able to. I will email around.

So, stepchange says I'm not eligible for ANY debt solutions except informal management plans with my creditors. I'm apparently 'able to clear my debts in a reasonably short period of time' and 'I have too much left over in my budget' for most of the options (£188 which doesn't even cover my min payments). Not sure where to go from here as I was thinking after reading around that I would go for an IVA if offered it.