Overwhelming debt.

[MummytoCSJH]

I'm stressed and I feel that there's no way out of this. All the money I put onto my cards I need so I end up spending again to pay my bills. I literally can't do anything else because otherwise my rent won't get paid. Can't get a loan without a guarantor which I don't have.

I have an overdraft of 2000 which I'm always in
Credit card 1 1900
Credit card 2 500
Credit card 3 600 (400 of this is a 0% balance transfer until Nov but can't afford to pay it off before then)
All up to their limits

Very bnpl (furniture when I moved into my council house) 395.90 due by Nov, 51 due by feb, 705.96 due by march
£6k+ to my ex who I pay 250 pm to on arrangement.

These debts all exist because I wasn't entitled to any benefits when I had to quit my job because I needed brain surgery. I'm a single parent and student and literally can't spend any less than I'm already spending. I can't get a job because my course doesn't have a set weekly timetable and I can't get childcare for night times. Sons dad is a 2 hrs drive (and neither of us drive) away so no help on that front. I get a tiny amount of UC and my student loan and child benefit which only just in total covers all my bills/payments BEFORE the credit card payments. Feel like I could cry I just don't know how to get myself out of this situation. I'm suicidal over this. Every time my student finance goes in/end of the term I am still in the same position I was before with debt. No idea what I will do when I graduate. Anyone got any advice??

Just realised I hadn't said. I do have a legally binding contract for the debt to my ex. So if I stopped paying or made him annoyed he could take me to court for it I think. I would genuinely have to apply for bankruptcy then I think which would obviously be the worst thing that could happen.

OP this is absolutely the best time to ask fo a payment break because of Covid & lockdown practically all banks credit cards, club books, loans , mortgage companies were giving a three month break
Ok the interest on mortgage & loans were rolled over and added to the original amount
But the Credit cards and club books were just freezing payments with no extra interest paid or penalties

So ask your credit car company to give you a break even though we are out of lockdown it’s still worth asking .Im still getting stuff come up on my credit card and bank account when I go on line about asking for a payment break

Some Credit cards and banks were doing this on line so you don’t even have to speak to anyone just push a few buttons

Very Club book were offering 3 months no payments and no extra interest on top They basically just put the account on hold for 3 months .
Honest it’s worth asking for a three month break so that you can breath and reassess everything
I did read that it won’t affect your credit rating either .
You have worked really really hard and it’s not much debt in real terms
Even if you just got all the credit cards and Very to give you a break it’s a big chunk of your money
You could probably even extend a further 3 months after the first 3 months If you needed to

Thank you so much @im5050

So the debt management plan is actually run by stepchange (didn't realise this) but it literally takes every single penny of my spare income. I didn't include transport into the calculation because it varies so widely (I get subsidised travel to university due to my disability but still have to pay towards it) and can't even estimate it with the current situation and I don't have a standard timetable, it changes every week. I was also planning on using my Very account for Christmas presents so if I do this they will freeze it won't they and my son won't get anything :/ what about extra expenses that come up? I will literally have nothing?

Do not listen to anyone who says leave your studies! That’s crazy. 6 months to go, you keep going! Money is money, you’ll find a way out. Keep the studying up! Best of luck!

Go on to money saving Expert. There is a talk forum - debt free wannabe. There are hundreds of posts like yours. They have very knowledgeable posters and professionals who can offer detailed advice on what to do next in your situation.

Definitely ask about uni hardship fund - it’s the beginning of the year, they should have a refreshed fund.

What I'd worked out so far was to pretty much coast on this debt until I graduate and then (hopefully!) get a job straight away and put my entire final student loan payment towards my debt. Also, I may be able to find a part time job this year when my son is at school. I can look at this more realistically when I get my timetable as it is mostly online due to covid and more self directed learning than having to sit in for hours on lectures, which I could do in the evenings rather than at the scheduled lecture time etc.

Thank you all even talking about it has made me feel a lot better. I don't have anyone to talk to about this in real life.

Don't use credit to buy your sons presents for Xmas. You will make your situation worse if you continue to spend above your income.

[quote Northernsoullover]@Trikc did you not read her update? She has almost finished. 6 months pain for long term gain.[/quote]
Sorry, I hadn’t. I got distracted half way through writing my post and by the time I posted I’d cross posted with the OP

Yes I know this sadly. I don't know how to get him anything otherwise though. I am very stressed in regards to this, I was pretty much deprived of everything - even a bed and toilet and food - as a child by my stepfather and it's made my mindset in regards to wanting things and instant gratification utter shit. I know it's not helpful and it's completely my own issue but if my son wants something he usually gets it because I don't ever want him to feel the way I felt. I know it's silly and it is my own fault for continuing to spend even though I knew I was in debt and I'm not blaming anyone else. But it is a deeply rooted issue and hasn't helped the fact I was in at least kind of manageable debt and now it's getting to the point of being unmanageable. I really stuck my head in the sand and I've finally sat down to work out what I owe and it just seems like so much...

Don't worry trikc.

Hi OP.

I had a couple of thoughts, first, in real terms, that really isn’t much debt at all. So please don’t wear yourself to a frazzle stressing about it. Go on debtfree wanabee, we had a chunk of what felt,like unmanageable debt. Once I saw on there what people were dealing with and HAD DEALT WITH I felt so, so much better.

Second, just by way of encouragement, we d,what,you are,doing. We ran up over £15k of debt on cards to finance living costs whilst both studying. Like you it was precipitated by medical.issues forcing a career,change. Both of us now have well paying jobs, and will be debt free by 2023 (my mantra!). So.the short term pain IS worth it, and is payable. (I paid £500 off,my card yesterday after payday, on top of,the minimum payment. SUCH a good,feeling !)

This will be you. Soon.

Claim bankruptcy?

I used to (still do although not exclusively) pick up bits and bobs in second hand shops and on Facebook freebie groups for Christmas.

I make things too - crocheted toys or quilts etc.

It's quite nice now the dc are older - they make me gifts too.

Is there any way you can reduce your food budget?

If you deal with the credit cards directly and ask them to give you a three month break
That gives you some time and space to see what you can do

My sister stopped her Freeman’s book for 3 months and she said that they still allowed her to get stuff if she wanted
But if you stopped it now if would only be till first week of December

They way I see it.
Its only money. They aren’t going to put you up against a wall and shoot you ( they might tell you they will but they can’t )

You aren’t going to go to prison for it

It’s not the worse thing in the world even though it may feel like It

I just wanted to come back and say that while this can feel incredibly overwhelming it’s not. I’d try and focus on a years time not the immediate future. In a year you will have finished your studies and be earning money and be working towards being debt free. You just need to get through right now.

I completely understand that you don’t want to deprive your ds anything because of your background, but what you’re actually doing is taking away his excitement and joy at getting a much longed for toy/experience. If he always gets what he wants then he will never get that thrill of finally receiving that one special thing he wanted. Nothing will be that special because he’ll always get what he wants and that’s a bit sad and will make him a rather entitled adult. You don’t say how old he is but the earlier you tackle it the better.

In terms of the credit cards, talk to the providers, request payment breaks or a reduced payment for October, November and December if possible. Be honest with them, your serious illness has left you struggling but you are in recovery and are actively working to get back on your feet financially. Do the same with the furniture debts, if they won't give you a break, will they spread the outstanding payments over a longer period? Creditors have an obligation to be supportive to people in financial dire straits. That doesn't mean letting you off, but it does mean working with you to get things resolved. But they can't help until you talk to them.

Regarding Christmas, eBay and Facebook market place are your friends. There is no need to pay full price for things when there are hundreds of immaculate toys and clothes being sold online for a fraction of their original price.

The money saving expert forum has a debt free wannabee section, where lots of people with lots of experience can help you tackle your debts and your creditors. Debt is terrifying, believe me I know, but there is lots of help out there.

Ps, at one point in my 20's I owed over 40k on loans and credit cards, so I have some experience of what you're feeling. I got out of that, cleared it all and have a healthy credit rating now, but it took time. There is no quick fix, but you will get there too.

I'm so sorry you were the victim of such appalling abuse as a child. No wonder it has affected your attitude to buying for your son. Could this have contributed to the debt? I'd recommend some counselling (on the NHS) to reevaluate what you 'need' to spend on him in order to provide well. You don't have a healthy idea of that (how could you after your awful experience) and that might not be helping. Also hopefully it'll just help you feel better!

Not to be rude but I'm not claiming bankruptcy at 22 because I have a few k of debt. Don't be ridiculous. Did you read my posts saying I'd like to buy a house one day?

No, can't really reduce food budget. Only spend about £80 a month at aldi and pretty much vegan as I'm allergic to milk and non-meat meals are loads cheaper. I am going to meal plan though and actually stick to it rather than ending up buying things I 'might' use. Debt free wannabe looks great and loads of great tips on there on reducing budget and saving. I've also downloaded some apps I used to use to earn money eg scanning receipts and quick surveys.

All of my very is on bnpl and no monthly payments so I'm not as worried about that as I am making my min payments on cards every month and actually paying some off rather than the money covering Bill's and interest and never going down!

Yes you're right about being entitled. He's only 6 - he doesn't get absolutely EVERYTHING he wants but I try not to make it seem like I can't afford it etc because I don't want him to see me upset/struggling, so he always has good birthdays/Christmas, but at my expense atm.

Good luck @YouUnlockedTheGateAnd !! Thank you so much @Drowninginwashing yes it's definitely affected me in terms of spending/debt but coming to terms with it more recently has just made me motivated to be successful. I want the best life for my son and that isn't seeing his mum constantly worry about money or if we can afford things.

Thank you everyone for your replies. We will be okay. I'm feeling better today after a good cry last night and I have lots of resources to look at now.

Hi MummytoCSJH, we're sorry you're going through such a worrying time. We just wanted to add a link to our webpage on dealing with financial difficulty. It has lots of advice on dealing with debt and lists many charities and organisations which can help with financial hardship, as recommended by Mumsnetters.

It's also worth looking at the advice available on Gingerbread's site. It's a charity set up to support single-parent families and has lots of information on managing money and debt.

We hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

I'd forgotten about the student hardship fund! They do look at your bank statements but even if you don't need them now it might be useful to think about in the future if you have a tough month. They gave my friend Tesco vouchers, and gave a cash sum towards my friends rent( non repayable) when her finance was held up. Don't be shy if you do get into a pickle!

Can you use eBay for old toys your son doesn’t play with anymore?
DD works Saturdays at earns £200 a month - if you can find something suitable to fit in with studies
Can you sell other items online? Look on Etsy for small business ideas -

Also look for cheap today’s for Christmas, but some games to play, they remember that more than that that gather dust.

Check all you payments are the lowest for bills, phone, gas, electric,

Check you council for uniform grants, claim the free school meals, free bus passes, local kids here get free music lessons.

Also look on here for good cheap Xmas ideas - book deals, stocking fillers. A £1 fart cushion was the gift that made Christmas for the 6 yr old in my family, and a £1 mason jar with a Xmas picture on it from home bargains. Hot chocolate, movies, making cookies (I know these can take effort - sure a Tesco cookie mix is fine) all create lovely Xmas times that don’t cost £££).

You really sound like a a fab mum and a focussed young woman with a great overall game plan - stick with it through this last shit bit.

Thank you all so much. You've given me so much to think about and put into place. The main problem with working weekends is DS is only with his Dad every other weekend because of the distance and public transport so it's a pain to find childcare for the alternative ones/an employer who only wants alternative weekends. My friend works a 0 hour contract (but gets a lot of hours) at a covid testing centre through an agency which would be ideal but there doesn't seem to be one near enough to me. I'm really hoping that with this term being mostly online self-directed learning I could get something, even a few hours, during the day and study in the evenings (except when I have to be in for labs). I will definitely look around for little things to sell and yes - I've been meaning to sort out the £100s of paw patrol toys he only played with for 6 months for ages. Might do it tomorrow when he's back at school! Not creative (in regards to small business/making and selling) but baking for christmas is something I'm very good at