House Purchase

[sxround]

Myself and my partner (both divorced) have been living together now for approx 4 years in her rented house with her daughter. We are looking at buying a house together, however the value of the house £260K would almost entirely be paid out of my assets from sale of my house and inherited money. My very hard working and decent partner although not in any debt does not have anywhere near the assets i have and would probably be only able to contribute 10-15K. Am I being foolish letting the purchase default to 50-50 ownership in the event of us separating? This is an awful way to look at something that should be exciting for a couple buying a first house together but I really do not know what to do as she sees her very nice council house as her independence and security and does not want to give it up to move into a house where she has no equity. The whole subject clearly upsets her and we seem at a stalemate where she is saying she just wants to stay put in her council house.

People who live in council houses pay for them Asdf12345 what a horrible comment to make, they're not freeloading at all.

She is an NHS carer and never freeloaded in her life

What an ignorant post @Asdf12345.

I wouldn't encourage her to give up the security of a Council property so I can see her point. Can you buy a house, rent it out and live with her in the Council property?

If she lives in a council house she doesn’t have equity yet pays rent.

To be honest the chances of getting another council house would be low to non existent should you split.

Could you not buy a property and rent it out for your own security?

We have the same issue (I have less of a deposit but we will be paying mortgage equally) and are hopefully going to buy. We are going to ask the solicitor to draw up a contract saying in the event we split up, we both get the money we originally put into it back, and after that any profit would be split 50/50.

@IllustriousToad

We have the same issue (I have less of a deposit but we will be paying mortgage equally) and are hopefully going to buy. We are going to ask the solicitor to draw up a contract saying in the event we split up, we both get the money we originally put into it back, and after that any profit would be split 50/50.

That is what I suggested, but she got upset saying that if after say a year we split up, she would be homeless with very little if any equity and I would have everything, but would by now have given up her council house. All she wants is security and she feels she has this with her council house. Getting another is virtually impossible where we live in the scottish highlands. She also says me talking like this is me expecting the relationship to fail which makes her wary now about giving up her house

I might be projecting my feelings as a fellow divorcee but my thoughts on this are:

A) lots of relationships do fail, as you're both divorced you've experienced this first hand so you're more realistic this could happen again. No it's not what we want to hear but it's reality.

B) having lost everything in my divorce and built it all back up again, not a chance in hell would I take the risk of losing any of it again, sorry if that sounds selfish but I simply don't have enough working years left in me lose anything now. Why would you give her any equity?

I’d agree getting the agreement drawn up. But if that’s too much risk for her maybe you need to wait longer. But buy you own house whether you live in it or rent it out.

Shed be a fool to move in with you on anything less than 50/50. She would be giving up a house that she has guaranteed for life for minimal equity. A house she feels safe and secure in. I understand your position but if you don't feel this is a lifetime commitment you can make don't ask her to make a lifetime commitment she can't make.

You are both not wrong.

Would you be prepared to let her live in the bought house rent free so that she could use her £10-15k to buy a flat to rent out, and her current rent and rental from flat could be used to pay her mortgage?

The advantage for her there is that she is accumulating equity for a flat that could go to her Dd in the long run, which a rented council flat cannot.

@ComeBy

You are both not wrong.

Would you be prepared to let her live in the bought house rent free so that she could use her £10-15k to buy a flat to rent out, and her current rent and rental from flat could be used to pay her mortgage?

The advantage for her there is that she is accumulating equity for a flat that could go to her Dd in the long run, which a rented council flat cannot.

That was kind of what I was hoping, but she sees that as not fully committing to building a life together and it makes her think I am planning failure before it starts. Her ex 15 years ago left her with two kids high and dry and basically homeless and in no doubt over the past years she has worked incredibly hard (2 jobs) to get back on her feet. But on the other hand I feel uncomfortable about the prospect of signing away potentially £100k of my familys money. I do also own another house mortgage free that I let out so I know I am in a position of privilege but surely that does not mean I should expose myself again to being fleeced as my ex wife did to me?

She got the house most likely on the basis of single parenthood and low income. She is no longer single and the household income means she doesn't need council housing. Others who genuinely can't afford to buy a house or rent privately are left in horrible circonstances Because they can't get a council home.

So I do have little sympathy for people who want to hang on to something they don't currently need...just in case. She's been with OP four years, she is in no more of a 'just in case' than many other people in this country.

And why should she be entitled to 50/50 of the home? They are not married. She will be entitled to what she puts in and future ewuity that would allow her to have a bit of a cushion if things went wrong.

Sounds to me like she wants her cake and eat it, from the state or partner.

@dontdisturbmenow

She got the house most likely on the basis of single parenthood and low income. She is no longer single and the household income means she doesn't need council housing. Others who genuinely can't afford to buy a house or rent privately are left in horrible circonstances Because they can't get a council home.

So I do have little sympathy for people who want to hang on to something they don't currently need...just in case. She's been with OP four years, she is in no more of a 'just in case' than many other people in this country.

And why should she be entitled to 50/50 of the home? They are not married. She will be entitled to what she puts in and future ewuity that would allow her to have a bit of a cushion if things went wrong.

Sounds to me like she wants her cake and eat it, from the state or partner.

So if were married would see her as being entitled to 50%?

There is too much risk for her, the council home provides secure accommodation to her and children without the risk of ending up homeless if your relationship fails. She will find giving up that safety very difficult or even impossible given the trauma of her divorce.

I would go back to the basics and keep an eye on what IS working. If you can live together in the council house, I would keep the status quo and you can invest your money in a house to rent so you don’t miss out on building equity if things go wrong.

If you don’t want to risk her being entitled to 50% of the equity, there is no reason for her to absorbe all the risk and move from secure, inexpensive accommodation.

Do you have children if your own?
Are you and your partner planning children together?

You have both been burnt before and this is colouring both your views. Would it be worth exploring this with a counsellor? Having a mediated / negotiated discussion?

It would be sad for this situation to tear you apart.

Your partner is trying to minimise the risk of homelessness if you split.

You are guarding against losing some money when you will still be OK.

I would not risk mine or dcs security, I would risk losing some money if I was still going to be OK. (So long as a good relationship where I felt the risk was small)

I don't think either of you are wrong but reading your posts OP, I felt anxious at the thought of your partner giving up her secure tenancy. She'd be mad to do that, it's too big a risk. She's right that she'd come out of this with nothing and that's not ok.
Yes you'd be taking a risk too but you are in a much better position to do that.

I would agree with the previous poster that you could live in her house if you're not ready to buy together but I don't agree that you should buy yet another property to rent out. Invest the cash and see where you are in a couple of years?

I think you cannot, if you love her, ask her to give up so much for you.

her current position is secure, and has been extremely hard to achieve. it would be an immense risk for her to give up her council tenancy for you.

the agreement needs to be something that will leave her no worse off than she currently is, in the event of a split.

therefore possibly draw up a contract that says that in the event of a split she will have the right to live in the house, paying you (or your heirs if she outlives you) rent at social-housing standard rates - discounted by any percent of equity she owns from initial purchase or contributions during your time together, for the rest of her life, and that you commit to maintaining the property and bearing all costs that the council would be responsible for in her current council house.

so then if you split, you calculate what percentage of the house you each reasonably own, and she rents your share off you but you maintain ownership of that share and are not being fleeced, but she hasn't been put into poverty for your sake.

Don't let her emotionally manipulate you into handing over your money to her. I wonder if this were her, and she were the one with all the money, would she be doing the romantic thing and giving half the equity to her boyfriend of four years? Or would she be keeping the money safe for her and her children? I suspect the latter, as that's what any sensible person would do (particularly someone who's already had a failed marriage).

I also completely understand why, if you protected your equity in the house, she wouldn't want to leave her council house. That's also a very sensible choice. But that's no reason to cry about how you're planning the end of your relationship. That's where I worry she's being emotionally manipulative. I mean why would she even expect to be entitled to half the house? That's very grabby. If I were her, I'd just be very firm that I can't afford to buy a house with you so I'm staying where I am. There's no need for tears and drama.

And if I were you, I wouldn't buy a house with her full stop, even if my money was protected. What's the point when she's only adding an extra £10,000? It will just make things more complicated if you split. Buy the house yourself, let her stay where she is. Live together at one house or live between houses. Keep your money safe for yourself and your children (if you have any).

@OffToSingapore

Don't let her emotionally manipulate you into handing over your money to her. I wonder if this were her, and she were the one with all the money, would she be doing the romantic thing and giving half the equity to her boyfriend of four years? Or would she be keeping the money safe for her and her children? I suspect the latter, as that's what any sensible person would do (particularly someone who's already had a failed marriage).

I also completely understand why, if you protected your equity in the house, she wouldn't want to leave her council house. That's also a very sensible choice. But that's no reason to cry about how you're planning the end of your relationship. That's where I worry she's being emotionally manipulative. I mean why would she even expect to be entitled to half the house? That's very grabby. If I were her, I'd just be very firm that I can't afford to buy a house with you so I'm staying where I am. There's no need for tears and drama.

And if I were you, I wouldn't buy a house with her full stop, even if my money was protected. What's the point when she's only adding an extra £10,000? It will just make things more complicated if you split. Buy the house yourself, let her stay where she is. Live together at one house or live between houses. Keep your money safe for yourself and your children (if you have any).

She has said she would be happy to stay in her council house, but why would I want to do that when I can afford to have a nice house somewhere else? I love her and want to be with her.

I'd stay living in two separate houses. You can move between them. She'd be a fool to give up that council house and you don't want to take the risk of losing half your money. You're at a stalemate. Neither is wrong. You stand to lose money she stands to become homeless with kids in tow. You can't protect her and yourself in this. But that's what a family is and it doesn't sound like you're ready to become one. Get married first. Make the emotional commitment first. It doesn't sound like you're there yet.

I think she is being very sensible.

Then marry her.