House Purchase

[sxround]

Myself and my partner (both divorced) have been living together now for approx 4 years in her rented house with her daughter. We are looking at buying a house together, however the value of the house £260K would almost entirely be paid out of my assets from sale of my house and inherited money. My very hard working and decent partner although not in any debt does not have anywhere near the assets i have and would probably be only able to contribute 10-15K. Am I being foolish letting the purchase default to 50-50 ownership in the event of us separating? This is an awful way to look at something that should be exciting for a couple buying a first house together but I really do not know what to do as she sees her very nice council house as her independence and security and does not want to give it up to move into a house where she has no equity. The whole subject clearly upsets her and we seem at a stalemate where she is saying she just wants to stay put in her council house.

You are both right, but she is more right than you. They say stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different outcome. If she gave up her hard won security to please a partner after a previous partner has almost ruined her then she would not have learned anything from the experience. She is clearly both intelligent and rational, presumably some of the reasons that you love her.

It's up to you. If you genuinely think that you will be together long term then you won't lose the money as you won't be separating. If you don't think that (enough to bet your money on it anyway) then why would you even want someone you love to give up her security?

She has said she would be happy to stay in her council house, but why would I want to do that when I can afford to have a nice house somewhere else? I love her and want to be with her.

That’s nice, go for it then. So long as you’re prepared to take the risk that she could dump you at any moment and walk away with £100,000 of your money and future inheritance for your family. I wouldn’t be prepared to take that risk, but that’s just me.

This is why marriage is essential it's a lifetime commitment breakable but at great financial risk. Without marriage all the risks are hers none are yours if you don't want the commitment she's right to refuse the risk. And by the way she's still a single parent she has no one sharing a future with her.

How old is her child?
Do they have friends in the area? School? Clubs? She has to think about them as well

Maybe when they’ve flown the nest it’ll be time for another conversation about living arrangements

No way would I go 50/50
You own the house 100%
In your situation I would buy a property to let out and continue living together at hers. Then if you split up, you both end up with what you put in.

*almost 100%

So if were married would see her as being entitled to 50%?
Yes, at least in principle, there could then be arguments if marriage is very short.

There is too much risk for her
And a kot more risk for OP to agree to gift 50% of the property equity.

No one should assume that a council home is a home forever.

If you don't think that (enough to bet your money on it anyway) then why would you even want someone you love to give up her security?
But why should OP be the one to give up their security that they've work very hard to get?

There's much more at sake to lose to handover 50% of equity in a home you've paid for at 90% ish than the risk of losing a council home (when you might very much get another one).

I would consider your oh demands as a form of blackmail. She was fortunate to get a council home. It doesn't give her the right to demand what could become a large sum of money from you if you were to separate.

She moves in and accept her share in it, with half the increase in equity whilst she lives there, or you stay as you are.

Unless you are ready to fully commit to the relationship and accept there is no more what's yours but that everything you both have is shared 50/50.

No one should assume that a council home is a home forever

Council deciding she is must leave is less likely than a relationship not working out.

Op you can't have it all the benefit and none of the risk. Either live with her at her house protecting your money, continue to live separately or move together but make sure she isn't fearing homelessness if it doesn't work out.

If you can't understand the need to protect herself while you are happy and in love then there is no way you would help here during a split.

Is there an option where she take more debt than you? Or pays a bigger share of the mortgage?

If you don't think that (enough to bet your money on it anyway) then why would you even want someone you love to give up her security?
There risk of losing a very significant amount of money by having to give away 50% of funds by the relationship break up is much more significant than losing on a council home when there might still be a decent chance to get another one.

I know which one Is rather take a risk on!

Just read OP again. Are you saying that you would pay the house outright at £260k with or without her £15k?

Because if that is the case don't even contemplate a 50/50 unless you are prepared to see half going away in an instant.

Worse if she has a kid, she could be instructed to stay in the house and you're the one who would have to move out and need to rent elsewhere.

Think very hard at the potential implications. Its slot of money to risk losing out.

Could you use your combined funds to either buy somewhere for you to live in future that needs renovating now, thereby increasing her gain if you were to split in the shorter term? Or do a couple of smaller renovations to build her pot and buy your joint house in a few more years time with more even equity, maybe once you're married?

@dontdisturbmenow
Your attitude to this is awful and clearly shows that you prioritize money over security.
This woman doesn't want to take all his money, she wants to know that if the relationship goes tits up, she's not stuck in shitty and expensive private rented for the rest of her life because she absolutely wouldn't get a council place again unless she got gold banding for some reason. People sit on council lists for years and years.
She's being sensible.

No, it's the attitude of people who think they are entitled to a council home forever that is shitty.

They are currently living in one together when they would in all likelihood never be entitled to one together in the first place.

She got a council home because she was deemed in need at the time. Many people are waiting for homes but not entitled.

It makes me sick that people consider getting one same as winning the lottery and see it as their entitlement for life at the cost of others.

Does this mean that she will never leave her home unless she finds a well enough partner prepared to share everything 50/50 with her because it will otherwise never be worth the risk?

Buy the house 100 % In your name with 100% of your deposit. Buy something else to rent out in her name, with her 15k. Ok you'll have to negotiate and fine tune contributions to each house. But the aim is to have parity of lifestyle in the present, but in the worst case scenario of a split, you both walk away with what you put in initially and you both have housing security.

If you don't want to marry her and share your worldly goods with her why should she assume you would care for her if you broke up. She has to take care of herself because you are not offering her much security. You won't take a chance on her but expect her to risk everything for you. Don't pressure her to give up her and her dd security for you whilst you hang on to your own security. Personally if you don't want to marry her and share that says volumes to me.

After my divorce I remarried a man with very little money. My money paid full deposit on our expensive home that is 100 per cent shared. Now after 15 years he out earns me by almost double and we share all income. That is because we love and trust each other. Mortgage is almost repaid now. If ever we split up we would just split everything 50/50.

@caringcarer

If you don't want to marry her and share your worldly goods with her why should she assume you would care for her if you broke up. She has to take care of herself because you are not offering her much security. You won't take a chance on her but expect her to risk everything for you. Don't pressure her to give up her and her dd security for you whilst you hang on to your own security. Personally if you don't want to marry her and share that says volumes to me.

After my divorce I remarried a man with very little money. My money paid full deposit on our expensive home that is 100 per cent shared. Now after 15 years he out earns me by almost double and we share all income. That is because we love and trust each other. Mortgage is almost repaid now. If ever we split up we would just split everything 50/50.

I love this.....and you have inspired me with your wise and encouraging comments here.

Thank you.

@Jeremyironsnothing, the OP's partner would not be able to buy anything in her name as she would lose her Council tenancy. You can not own or have an interest in a property and be a Council tenant.

@caringcarer has it bang on.

You are very welcome. In the end it all comes down to love and trust. I don't think you can truly love someone if you don't trust them.

Sometimes it is scary to reach out and take a risk for love but I took the risk and it has made me and DH very happy. If I had not taken the risk we would have spent last 15 years living in separate houses. Life is for living.

Personally if you don't want to marry her and share that says volumes to me
If it was a woman posting that she wanted to protect her £250k but her partner was pressurising her to get 50% of it in case they separated because he didn't want to lose his council home, she'd be told that she was completely mad.

Do posters really feel that losing a council home, which they could potentially lose anyway and/or potentially get again if she was so for again is more of a potential loss than losing £130k forever. Some of which is inheritance money?

She might at worse lose the security of a council home but he'll gain nothing from her if they separate. He however risk losing much and her gaining much, to the point of even being able to buy her own place outright potentially.

What they should do is move in together in his house. She pays no rent. She works ft. If childcare is needed, he helps towards it. She put the money she is saving aside so that if they separate, she can afford to rent a decent place or maybe even become an owner too. They both win and it's a council home free for someone vulnerable.

If it was a woman posting that she wanted to protect her £250k but her partner was pressurising her to get 50% of it in case they separated because he didn't want to lose his council home, she'd be told that she was completely mad agreed!!!
Protect your deposit 100%, if she feels Uncomfortable leaving her council house- which btw could be seen as equally untrusting of the relationship- then she can stay. You don’t have to move in together

Light
I know that, that's why I'm suggesting she gives it up. They can live together in "his" house but they have a rental in her name. They sort the finances out in such a way they have equal spending money in the present but they both have housing security in the event of a split.

In other words they own two houses between them.

@dontdisturbmenow

Personally if you don't want to marry her and share that says volumes to me If it was a woman posting that she wanted to protect her £250k but her partner was pressurising her to get 50% of it in case they separated because he didn't want to lose his council home, she'd be told that she was completely mad.

Do posters really feel that losing a council home, which they could potentially lose anyway and/or potentially get again if she was so for again is more of a potential loss than losing £130k forever. Some of which is inheritance money?

She might at worse lose the security of a council home but he'll gain nothing from her if they separate. He however risk losing much and her gaining much, to the point of even being able to buy her own place outright potentially.

What they should do is move in together in his house. She pays no rent. She works ft. If childcare is needed, he helps towards it. She put the money she is saving aside so that if they separate, she can afford to rent a decent place or maybe even become an owner too. They both win and it's a council home free for someone vulnerable.

Just to be clear.... The house would be about £250K I would put in about £130K and we have a shared mortgage of approx £120K

I also own another mortgage free house about 100 miles away that I have rental income off long term tennants that is worth approx £200K and that would stay entirely mine.....for now.

PP: we do not know whether the OP is male or female...for all those using 'he'.