House Purchase

[sxround]

Myself and my partner (both divorced) have been living together now for approx 4 years in her rented house with her daughter. We are looking at buying a house together, however the value of the house £260K would almost entirely be paid out of my assets from sale of my house and inherited money. My very hard working and decent partner although not in any debt does not have anywhere near the assets i have and would probably be only able to contribute 10-15K. Am I being foolish letting the purchase default to 50-50 ownership in the event of us separating? This is an awful way to look at something that should be exciting for a couple buying a first house together but I really do not know what to do as she sees her very nice council house as her independence and security and does not want to give it up to move into a house where she has no equity. The whole subject clearly upsets her and we seem at a stalemate where she is saying she just wants to stay put in her council house.

I am Male, my partner female

So she risks losing a council house and you risk £130k, I personally can't understand why she is not happy with whatever you both put in you get back and any equity is split 50/50 if you split up for example a year later, for me the alarm bells would be ringing you have alot more to risk here, maybe over time she can save up and pay off the mortgage so that it becomes 50/50, also what others have said if she has a child and she is on the mortgage and you split she could well stay there for a very long time and you would be footing the bill for it, also if you move in together and she receives any form of benefits she will lose those and you will have to subsidise them for her as they will take your income into consideration when they re calculate benefits. All she will be loosing is a council house of no monetary value at the end of the day, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

If it was a woman posting that she wanted to protect her £250k but her partner was pressurising her to get 50% of it in case they separated because he didn't want to lose his council home, she'd be told that she was completely mad.

Definitely. Some women just like to pick and choose all the good bits of feminism, and then elsewhere act like it's the 1950s. There's a lot of nonsense on here about the OP having a duty to financially support, protect and take care of his partner. That's fine if they're a young couple having their first child together. But she's a middle aged divorcee with two kids. She can support herself and protect her own future. I don't think the OP has said whether he has children or not. But if he does then he should prioritise their financial security ahead of his girlfriend and her children.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable being in a committed relationship with such an inequality of assets. If it’s a proper partnership everything should be shared. You can’t have one person holding all the money and the other basically destitute. It’s different if it’s a casual relationship, but if you’re planning to spend your lives together you throw in your lot. Obviously there is a risk and that’s life, but if you’ve taken the risk in good faith then even if you do split you haven’t been ‘fleeced’.

If you have another property, it brings another layer to the situation.

The logical thing would be for you to protect the £130k you put in, so that if you separate and sell, you get the first £130k and the rest of the equity is shared 50/50 regardless who pays more towards the mortgage.

If you feel totally committed, you can go 50/50 so that the entire equity is shared and you don't get your £130 back but you have the other property.

If you marry her, shell also be entitled to 50% of your other property, even if it remains in your name only.

Also it sounds like emotional blackmail her telling you that you expect the relationship to fail if you don't sign £130k of your money over to her in the form of a house, if you did split up a year later she would not have lost anything of monetary value where as you would of lost 130k, don't do it op there will be alot of resentment there on your part if things go sour, also have you lived together with her 2 kids yet? Trust me that is a challenge in itself, maybe rent for a bit together to see what the future will be like living together

@jimmyjammy001

Also it sounds like emotional blackmail her telling you that you expect the relationship to fail if you don't sign £130k of your money over to her in the form of a house, if you did split up a year later she would not have lost anything of monetary value where as you would of lost 130k, don't do it op there will be alot of resentment there on your part if things go sour, also have you lived together with her 2 kids yet? Trust me that is a challenge in itself, maybe rent for a bit together to see what the future will be like living together

We have lived together in her house for 3 years now. Regarding her kids - eldest is 24 got a good job and lives with his girlfriend. Her daughter is 17 and I am quite close to her as well and really am her step dad in all but name. We are in Scotland so even if we marry, my other house under scots law will always be mine as i will have owned it for more than 2 years before we ever marry

'All she loses is her council house'? No monetary value you say, as if a roof over her and her child's head isn't one of the most important things for her to make sure they have? Money isn't everything. This man, given that he has one property already, would be absolutely fine even if they did split up - even if she did get half the money from him, he'd still have enough money to rent or buy another place or even move in to the 1st house he owns. That's the main issue here. She would not find it so easy. And god, all of you going on about council housing as if it's supposed to be temporary accommodation based on entitlement - news flash, it's not. It's designed to ensure low income families who would struggle to buy or afford extortionate private rent can have a secure long term tenancy and not be worried about losing their home at the drop of a hat. Just like OPs partner. She is being very sensible and I would feel the same way.

I do understand the get the £ you put in and then 50/50 the equity argument, and that does make total sense but not everybody (and clearly not OPs partner) cares about owning a home or investing in order to get equity back. For some people security is more important, in my opinion it certainly should be when you have children. If she doesn't want to move then just let her stay where she is. You seem to be the one pushing it 'because you love her and want to be with her'. Fair enough, but you have to decide if you love her enough to give her 50% of the house. Those are the only options really if she doesn't want to give up her council home, it's as simple as that, unless you convince her otherwise (which I think is what you wanted people here to help you do?). Home ownership isn't for everyone.

@MummytoCSJH

I do understand the get the £ you put in and then 50/50 the equity argument, and that does make total sense but not everybody (and clearly not OPs partner) cares about owning a home or investing in order to get equity back. For some people security is more important, in my opinion it certainly should be when you have children. If she doesn't want to move then just let her stay where she is. You seem to be the one pushing it 'because you love her and want to be with her'. Fair enough, but you have to decide if you love her enough to give her 50% of the house. Those are the only options really if she doesn't want to give up her council home, it's as simple as that, unless you convince her otherwise (which I think is what you wanted people here to help you do?). Home ownership isn't for everyone.

Yes you are correct in a lot of what you say.

as if a roof over her and her child's head isn't one of the most important things for her to make sure they have?
Her children are grown up.or just about. She'd have a home which is most likely 2 or 3 bed that she won't need.

She of course will have the option to rent privately so no need for homelessness if she works and OP says she does.

Indeed, the law is different in Scotland in terms of previously acquired assets.

In the end, do what you think is right in your heart. Marriage is not an absolute no just because you have more to bring in financially. If you are totally committed to each other, have a strong and devoted relationship and are happy together, it's the common next step.

There are some fucking bellends on this thread. Taking the opportunity to put the boot in about social housing with no fucking clue about its purpose or function whilst moralizing about this woman's motives.

@sxround I really hope you can come to an agreement that both of you feel comfortable with but please don't put a woman you profess to love in a position where she loses her security.

Good luck!

Not sure if this is even possible anymore but Have you not thought about buying the council house, if she’s been there a while presuming there are still discounts available, obviously depends on where you live as to the price but if you could get the property cheaper potentially you could Both put in similar amounts of deposit or treat the discount she gets as her deposit, just a thought

@welldodgy

There are some fucking bellends on this thread. Taking the opportunity to put the boot in about social housing with no fucking clue about its purpose or function whilst moralizing about this woman's motives.

@sxround I really hope you can come to an agreement that both of you feel comfortable with but please don't put a woman you profess to love in a position where she loses her security.

Good luck!

I wont - and thanks for saying what I am thinking 😉