Not sure wether my mum is being unreasonable

[Kyle19]

I'm 18, not working at the moment, and still living at home so financially I'm relying on my parents. My mum has been keeping on at me about how much money I've been spending on alcohol, clothes, food etc. She even restricts me on when I can drink the alcohol that I BOUGHT and how much at a time I drink of it. She said that if I carry on spending this much money, she will confiscate my bank card. She says that as I'm getting my money from her she has the right to do that but

1. I don't get the money for nothing, I work my ass off for it and 2. If it's in the bank account IN MY NAME, and I'm 18 then surely she would need my consent to take that money?

I would never intentionally speak to her in a way that I thought that was disrespectful, but she's telling me that I have been. I speak to all my other family and friends in exactly the same way and I always apologise to them afterwards as I always have this gut-wrenching feeling that I've annoyed them but they never seem to know what on earth I'm talking about and I end up humiliating myself.

How do I calmly speak to her about this?

Reverse.

Why is mum giving you money but you are pissing it up the wall?

If you’re financially reliant on your parents and don’t want them interfering with your spending habits the easiest solution is to get work and pay your own way

Try asking people questions about themselves, there day, plans. Often young people don’t notice others - which is fine - but browny points for taking an interest in others and being kind are easy ways to win someone over

Yeah not sure this is genuine

What do you mean, you work your ass off for it but you're not working?

You say you work for the money your mum gives you- what do you do to earn the money?

Com off it Kyle

My, aren't you entitled. Get a job and move out.

When I lived at home my mum didn’t give me any money. What do you mean work for it i you don’t have a job? This has to be a reverse.

I don't understand when you say you work your arse off for the money. If you have a job abd are earning money then it's yours (but you should be paying money to your parents for keep). If you're getting your money from your parents then they have every right to comment on how you're wasting it.

Grow the fuck up Kyle

What are you doing to earn your money?

Ok it I may have exaggerated when I said I work my arse off for it. I babysit for her (I have four younger siblings, 13, 6, 5 and 4), I spend two hours a day dog walking. My mum has said she'd rather I didn't work as I start my new college course in September (which will be very intense, my tutor has told me I will need to find time for assignments, sleep and family/friends time for the sake of my mental health, which I have previously had issues with). I do feel awful about the fact that I'm the only adult out of three in the house who doesn't bring in any income but she said she'd much rather have someone at home to help her when she needs it (my stepdad works in Lincolnshire and we live in Devon, she has gallstones and often gets ill, she is awaiting an operation).

If she's giving you money rather than you getting a job, on the basis that you've had previous mental health problems and she needs you available to babysit and help her if she's ill then I think it's reasonable that she ask you to control your drinking.

Drinking won't help your mental health issues and if you're drunk you can't help.

That being said, no she can't take your bank card away. But she can stop giving you money.

Well your mum can pay a babysitter and dog walker you could get a job till September then quit and concentrate on studies - you’ve got 3 months yet

Also, I just did a pretty big makeover on my grandparents front and back gardens and fitted new doors for them inside. They gave me quite a lot of money for doing it. I know it sounds bad that I took it but I said I didn't want it but wouldn't let me leave without it.

You can get a job until September.

My 4 year old is expected to pull her weight at home. I would definitely expect an 18 year old to do so. Do you cook, clean and do laundry?

Christ, if money is given to someone it becomes theirs. Your DM has no business to tell you how to spend your money. If she doesn't like it she can stop giving you money and you can stop being so helpful.

People work all the time and go to college you need to get a job.

I offer to cook all the time (I can't cook from scratch, but could easily manage something out the freezer). My stepdad does all the cleaning as he doesn't really trust anyone to do it thoroughly but himself (if I did he would do it when he gets home anyway). But yes I do do some laundry.

It sounds like your mum is worrying about how much you're drinking. Are you drinking on your own or out with friends? Perhaps you should be saving some of the money for college and let her know you're doing that.

I think your mum does have the right to stop giving you the money for the stuff you do to help out at home so perhaps you could compromise with her about what you do with it.

Learn to cook! Anyone with a cookbook (or internet access) can learn. It will mean you can help more now and will be useful for you in future.

It's not normal to drink so much at home aged 18 that your parents comment. Sorry but it's not. Yes to having a drink when out with friends even to vast excess but alone at home? - if I were your mum I would be seriously worried. Give up the booze. It's no good for you. Adult or not it's horrendous living with someone that drinks too much. They think they are fine but actually wander around slightly depressed / moody and don't accomplish anything. Not to mention the wasted money.

I don't have friends apart from workmates so the only times I ever go out to drink is when I go to the pub on a Sunday afternoon with my dad, uncle and grandad (which I haven't actually done yet as I turned 18 in March and we've been in lockdown since then) and at social events with workmates, who are all older women (roughly every 3-4 months). I know I said I didn't work before, but I recently finished a course where I had to go to work placement alongside, and they think of me as one of them, which is nice. Will be doing the same in September.

I don't really feel I drink that much - my stepdad drinks twice as much.

I drink on occasional weekdays when we're celebrating something and then on a friday and saturday, eventually I'll be going pub on a sunday afternoon. I usually have about 5-6 bottles of lager every time I drink at home, unless I'm at a party.