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Original poster

New partner and my house

66 replies

fairydust68 · 27/01/2020 21:45

I've been single 20 years paying a mortgage still have 2 boys 29 and 25 and have adopted my daughter who is 7
Recently met up with friend I've known over 20 years , went for drink and after 5 months we are very happy and I want him to move in - I'm 52 not getting any younger and I'm very happy
Question is , do I write a will so my kids get the house , he knows it's there house but what happens if I die first ? I would like him to stay in the house as it's not nice for him to move out !
Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
TDL2016 · 27/01/2020 21:52

5 months is very soon to move someone in, especially with a 7 year old child in the picture. How do you think she’ll feel about an unknown man moving into her safe space. I’d see a solicitor who specialises in this sort of thing before even approaching this subject with your partner.

Whynosnowyet · 27/01/2020 21:55

Imo put the needs of your dc well before the wants of your new bf /you.
What if he lives there and moved someone in? Best he moved out immediately in the event of your death!! House sold and shared between the dc.
Leave bf a token keep sake.

userxx · 27/01/2020 22:36

Just don't marry him. Has he got his own property? Think carefully, dating is very different to living with someone and 5 months is really early days. I waited over a year and there are no kids involved, some days I miss my own space so much 😞.

CalleighDoodle · 27/01/2020 22:38

Wtf is this a reverse? Are you the new partner trying to make this sound reasonable?

No, op. Just no. Dont move a man youve dated for five months into your house. Dont say he can stay in your house if you die so your children dont get any inheritance. Five months, op. This is madness.

ffswhatnext · 27/01/2020 22:44

5 months.
I'm still in the getting to know you stages, and not intimate enough to stop with the condoms never mind move in.

And of course, you protect your children's future. Surely you already have a will in place, if not time to get one sorted that doesn't include this man.

When you finally know him enough to share a living space together, you could put it in the will that he can remain for 6 months. But after 5 months, 🤣 not a chance. And I've made some very, very bad decisions, but nope, not this one.
And if it's him keen on moving in, don't marry him. Not that I would marry him anyway.

CalleighDoodle · 27/01/2020 22:47

Why would he agree to move in with you anyway after only five months? What are his current living conditions?

URPS · 27/01/2020 22:48

You have been dating for 5 months and now want to move him in with a 7 year old in the house ?

Madness ! 5 months !

MrsApplepants · 27/01/2020 22:49

It’s a bit soon really. Think of the 7 year old in the present before you start getting ahead of yourself with wills and death planning.

ivykaty44 · 27/01/2020 22:55

I’m sure at 52 you’re able to decide whether you want someone to move in with you

If you want to leave the property three ways do that, possibly give dp a year to find other accommodation. Life goes on and you don’t want him moving a dp into the house that is your D.C. ir any complications

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 27/01/2020 23:03

So if you died in a few months time you would be happy for him to stay in your house for how long exactly? are you talking months or years? I can’t believe you are even considering this, you have been with him 5 minutes in real terms yet you are moving him in and considering making provisions in your will for him, can’t get my head around that at all.

StCharlotte · 27/01/2020 23:04

If your heart's set on It, you could leave him a life interest so he doesn't have to move out but he doesn't actually get the house.

ArkAtEee · 27/01/2020 23:06

A friend's aunt stayed in the house after her partner died. She was on bad terms with the kids and short of money, house went to rack and ruin such that there was very little money to be raised from the sale after her death. Would caution you to think very carefully of your children.

AdoraBell · 27/01/2020 23:15

I think 5 months is too soon for him to move in, especially because your DD is so young.

If he does move into your house I think you should definitely Will the house to your DC.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 28/01/2020 00:08

Life interest? So if OP died the boyfriend could stay in the house for the next 30 or 40 years in a house he has not contributed to and her children get nothing.....

okiedokieme · 28/01/2020 00:16

Going against the grain here, go for it but I would suggest writing into your will that the kids get the house but your dp gets 1 years grace before he has to move if you die first - you can always alter it to longer once your relationship is longer standing. I'm ready to move in after just a few weeks, sometimes you just know!

katy1213 · 28/01/2020 00:19

And what is he bringing to the table? Nothing?

LightDrizzle · 28/01/2020 00:21

OP you really aren’t thinking straight.
Your youngest is 7, your new boyfriend is presumably a mature adult. In the event of your death he can easily accommodate himself, he won’t be leaving his ancestral home or one he self-built with the sweat of his brow.
Leave your house to your children, end of. Do not add your boyfriend to the deeds, do not let him contribute to the mortgage. Seek legal advice if you decide to move him in as to how you can protect your children.

Apileofballyhoo · 28/01/2020 00:22

What provision is there for your 7 year old in the event of your death? When I was a child my parents' will stated the family home was not to be sold till we had all reached the age of 21 or were finished in full time education.

AlunWynsKnee · 28/01/2020 00:25

Your dd being adopted surely makes this more complicated than normal. Can you just move someone into her home after 5 months?
Either way, no you shouldn't be making a will to leave your house to someone you have just met when you have a 7 year old.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 28/01/2020 00:29

Surely no one is that stupid?

cakeandchampagne · 28/01/2020 00:33

Five months is too soon and endangers your 7 year old daughter!
Keep separate homes!

jjjnnnnnrrssss · 28/01/2020 00:50

Everyone here says 5 months is too soon, but I disagree at your age. Things move faster the older you get.

But I do agree with their cautioning because of your 7 year old DD. What happens if you and DP/BF break up? What if you find someone else and want to move in together quickly after? Your DD needs more stability than that.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/01/2020 00:56

I agree 5 moths FFS ?! What is his situation OP ? what financial stability does he bring to this haven.. ? You DD needs you to be thinking straight here ... Flowers

catspyjamas123 · 28/01/2020 01:07

What are you doing? Don’t give this man your house. Surely it’s there for your children. He can visit but keep his own home. Don’t move him in - he will have the place off you in no time.

RubysRoo · 28/01/2020 01:15

sorry @fairydust68 not only is 5 months way too soon, but your 7 year old is adopted? She likely has trauma and other additional needs related to her life experiences. A man moving in after 5 months is higher risk for not working out and that will cause a child whose already lost people to lose someone else. Most experts recommend 1 year of dating before moving in, and 2 years if children involved.

Please think on this.

And yes, you need a will and arrangements to protect your children's interest first and foremost.

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