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Original poster

New partner and my house

66 replies

fairydust68 · 27/01/2020 21:45

I've been single 20 years paying a mortgage still have 2 boys 29 and 25 and have adopted my daughter who is 7
Recently met up with friend I've known over 20 years , went for drink and after 5 months we are very happy and I want him to move in - I'm 52 not getting any younger and I'm very happy
Question is , do I write a will so my kids get the house , he knows it's there house but what happens if I die first ? I would like him to stay in the house as it's not nice for him to move out !
Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
Charley50 · 28/01/2020 08:28

Wow! Surely your DC needs come first? I 'knew' my DP for 20 years before we became a couple. It's a completely different thing. We've been together 12 years now and still any inheritance goes to my DS, not DP. He is quite capable of looking after himself.
What is your DP's financial and living situation?
I agree with everyone else that it's too soon for him to move in and that it's your children's inheritance, not his.

catspyjamas123 · 28/01/2020 08:31

Nobody wants to stop you being happy but there is a huge danger in the law that allows someone to basically steal your property just for having a relationship. Please be careful!

Never mind what happens if you die - you are still relatively young. What happens if you split up? That’s the big question. As a PP said do NOT allow him to pay the mortgage or replace so much as a lightbulb. I know of someone who had her own house and moved in a partner. She did not marry him as she did not wish to give him a stake in her property - she was already divorced. They split up and he is taking legal action for half the house. This is the biggest peril. You have worked so hard for your own place.

I’m sorry the law is like this - I’d like you to have a chance at happiness. But there are so many pitfalls. At the least seek legal advice and protect your children - particularly the little one.

If he isn’t financially equal then beware! He might turn out to be a cocklodger. I was someone who never believed in judging someone by finances. But sadly the legal situation is a massive peril for women with their own property.

userxx · 28/01/2020 08:48

My boyfriend has just moved in with me, if I die he certainly won't be living here.

ShoesandmoreShoes · 28/01/2020 08:52

I agree with pp. 5 months of dating is no time at all even if you have known him for more than 20 years. Why do you want him to move in with you? Does he have a house of his own? Does he have children?

NotStayingIn · 28/01/2020 09:07

I would like him to stay in the house as it's not nice for him to move out

I wouldn’t worry love, he clearly doesn’t find moving that traumatic if he’s willing to move in with someone he’s only been dating for five months. Bloody hell.

The stupidity of some people really is mind blowing. Who the hell talks about moving someone they’ve dated for five months into their house and making provisions in their will?!?! It would be madness if you didn’t have kids, but with kids it’s beyond stupid.

Almahart · 28/01/2020 09:19

I think you really need to think this through

If you were to die this would be your children’s home. Would they all be expected to live with your new partner? Would they want to? Who would be your 7yos guardian?

This is really complicated and I think you need some legal advice. There is or was a Mumsnetter called mumblechum who is a will writer. I can pm you her details if you like, she is excellent and could give you proper advice

yellowallpaper · 28/01/2020 10:44

Presumably he has his own property or can sell and keep the equity?

It does depend on his financial situation as it has a big effect on what you do.

Do not marry, as that will give him more control over your property if you should die and seriously complicate things. Pre nuptial agreements are still a bit of a grey area.

You can write a will which leaves your estate (including property) to you children divided as you see fit.

You can put in the will that your new partner can live in the property

  1. Until he finds somewhere suitable to live provided he has the financial ability to do this
  2. Until he dies or goes into care
  3. Your children can sell the property and downsize him into a smaller house, which is in their name and which he can live in until he dies.

All the above depend on the length of your relationship.

In the early years while your daughter is young (you also need to make a will and discuss her future if you die young) your partner would have less need to stay in your home. A longer relationship makes the above 3 points more of an option.

Indecisivemelons · 28/01/2020 10:46

Fucking hell. What are you thinking?

flirtygirl · 28/01/2020 16:49

I'm just thinking he must be great in bed as no way would I give a boyfriend of 5 months, a lifetime interest in my house.

catspyjamas123 · 28/01/2020 17:25

What’s really unfair is it’s the legal situation that makes this so dangerous. Otherwise, why not find happiness and good luck to you.

Ellisandra · 29/01/2020 00:15

If he’s around your age of 52, then why isn’t he able to move out if required?
My will give my (second) husband 6 months to vacate my house, as it is willed to my children.
A bit of breathing space in his grief. He’s well aware. Also met me in his 50s, he’s perfectly able to house himself without me / my home.
Where’s this boyfriend come from that he can’t go back?

catspyjamas123 · 29/01/2020 10:40

The reverse happens all the time. Particularly an older man finds a younger woman who is after his money and home and cuts out the kids. It’s not a good idea though!!

pinkyredrose · 29/01/2020 10:43

would like him to stay in the house as it's not nice for him to move out that's your reasoning? Not nice? Presumably he's been able to house himself all his life until now?

If you do die first what happens to your daughter?

Whynosnowyet · 29/01/2020 13:08

Maybe the op has romantic notions about him wistfully wandering the halls woeful she has died and mentally promising to never love another??

MarieG10 · 29/01/2020 17:33

You can make a will leaving it to your children and giving him a lifetime interest in being able to stay in the house until death. However, unless you have substantial other assets you may not be able to leave sufficient liquid assets to support your seven year old leaving whoever is her guardian to pay..

I would be reluctant to give lifetime interest. Let him sort himself out and prioritise your children at this stage

Lifeisabeach09 · 29/01/2020 19:35

Ensure you have a will and see a solicitor to draw up an agreement in which you both have no claim to each others property.
In terms of your will, you need to specify a guardian for your DD should anything happen to you (if you haven't already!)

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