Family fallout over money

[moneymatters123]

If you came into money would you share with your brother and sister?

If it were a case of the others struggling and getting nothing I’d feel differently, but they’ve got £20k to soak up their debts/struggles, so I say the one who was closest to the grandparent and made the effort to send him meals/cared for him as much as was allowed and who, most importantly, the grandfather WANTED TO HAVE HIS MONEY should keep the extra inheritance. I don’t buy the “all siblings should inherit the same, even if they’re lazy sods” theory.

I’d have to share it. Had it been that one sibling had done all the caring for the GP in his last years I might be inclined to say different but from what you’ve said I’d stick it in a pot and split with the mum too (assuming that’s his daughter and not DIL). Otherwise no doubt there will be issues and you have to ask yourself if it worth falling out over. I saw the comment about leaving a husband though - if that’s the persons only get out of a bad relationship then consider yourself first. Perhaps that’s why the extra was left to that person?

The grandfather made a thoughtless- even cruel will. People should never use a will and money to carry on emotional conflicts they should have sorted out while they were alive.

The heir should divide the money equally. It’s not worth the fallout and the conflict with siblings.

I think if the money is left to a sibling then that sibling should have the money.

The will was written that way for a reason and that’s all there is to it. Unless the deceased deliberately did this to cause trouble...

Dolorabelle, some people do have reasons to cut people out of their lives and will entirely.
There is not a chance in hell that I would make up with some people and then leave possessions to them.
When relatives were cut out in the family of course them and those the very, very closest to them were outraged.
The rest of us thought they had some fucking nerve showing their faces after what they had done.

Those that had been helped remained quiet, well apart from the greedy ones who had already had their 'share'. The GF could have bailed the other two out countless times when he was alive. Same with their mum, although I am wondering if op meant his DIL, as she would be GF's daughter, not just their mum. 🤷‍♀️

There are so many variables of why someone is cut out. All we know from the op is that the one who got more was more involved.

People always say well he intended it that way so I wouldn't share. If they were cut out for a bad situation then that's different. But if it is favouritism and as op said no one was allowed in his house, he sounds more than a little wierd.

The people saying they would keep it as that what he intended always say this to cover there own greed. I would go no with a sibling who did this to me if we all shared the relative in common and if the will was plainly unfair. The living can correct an unfair will, their own greed just stop them doing so.

I would absolutely share it with siblings and mum if she is a blood relative. I don't even like my siblings that much but I would still share it.

Nc not no.

My brothers are drug addicts so that's an easy No.
It sounds like you'll have a clear conscience if you share... a clear conscience is priceless.

I'm not sure. If they didn't have 20k then id definitely make sure they had something. I like to think I'd share in your situation.

I can't work out who is who but ...
I'd give my mum 10 and the others 5 each. And do something useful with the rest.

I can't work out who is who but ...
I'd give my mum 10 and the others 5 each. And do something useful with the rest.

I tend to agree. I think the person who made the effort should have more. But for the mum to lose out completely seems unfair, and £5k each is a gesture to the others. £25k is still a lot of money.

Nope everyone is missing the point here. It’s not down to the receivers of the inheritance to decide who gets what, it’s down to the terms of the will and the person who died saying who they wished to have it. By all means give some to siblings etc but feel no obligation and if it’s a few thousand then it could be life changing if it enables her to escape an unhappy marriage, less so if it’s just paying debts for others who have multiple debts in any case.

If the mum is a relative by marriage of the deceased, it would be quite common to not inherit anything

As everyone got twenty grand no. The others are just being grabby.

"Nope everyone is missing the point here."

Are they? Why, because you say so?

I wouldn't because the person who left it wanted you to have it .. my mums wil states I'm not in it and my 'share' goes to my kids . If I were to override this then that wouldn't be her wishes ..
you probably were very kind to the relative and your siblings didn't do anything so in that way they don't 'deserve' it ..
and I don't believe it has any relevance hoe much debt or anything they have etc.. inheritance is a gift and nothing else .

The mum is the daughter. The other 3 are his grandchildren.

Basically he needed someone to take him food shopping once a week. If he phoned and asked to be taken anywhere (he never did) the sibling would but this was the only thing she did as nothing else was asked for.

The other sibling doesn't drive and the other although not fair is male and doesn't live as far.

2 siblings have arranged the funeral been to the solicitor seen the estate agent. Tried clearing the house that's not been touched in over 30 years.

Similar situation, I was main contact and everything left to me.
I put money aside to care for DM when she needs it, then shared the rest equally with my siblings. I sibling very much in debt, this has not changed. next sibling had terminally ill partner, this gave that family a buffer in the tough times.
I do feel guilty for not following the will, but family more important.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm not the person who it's been left too as you can tell.

Because of my mental health anxiety ocd autism I can't think clearly so my view is clouded. So I don't think I can have an opinion as even £20 would help. Yes the £20,00 is a huge lot but because of me not being able to work that won't cover the debt the husband got in to cover the bulls for himself and the kids. I'm waiting on a PIP tribunal with the psychiatrist thinks I'm untitled too.

I want my brother and sister to be happy and enjoy their lives yes. But this means new cars and exotic-holidays not covering the mortgage and paying bills. They have worked hard in their jobs though and they deserve it. They do have all of these things already.

When I worked and they were still in school I would give them money.

Without DS helping our G Father though he would only see us on special occasions. We saw him lots when our grandma was here but he has always been reclusive. He looked after us when we were younger with our grandma and always took care of us.

Respect the decision of the deceased. They left one sibling extra because they wanted them to have it.

Yes you're right

We are all very close and live within 5-20 minutes of each other. Our mum advised DS not to tell anyone what she does with the money and to drop it.

So were you, your brother and your mum left £20,000 each or things were left to the value of £20,000 for you all to split?

Mum left with nothing. She was the executor of the will.

DS £20,000 plus £70,000 plus all home contents. Sale of House left to charity.

DB £20,000

Myself £20,000

I don't think need comes into it really. It was left to the person he wanted to have it. If he wanted it split 3 ways he would have. Sorry.