Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

If you received 120k inheritance and had paid off your mortgage

99 replies

TherapyGal · 19/10/2019 14:11

Would you gift any to your kids?

I have 7k debt and was hoping my dad might have thrown 1 or 2k my way. Am I being unfair?

Obviously not going to ask him!

OP posts:
RunsForGummyBears · 20/10/2019 11:17

*gave not have 🤦🏻‍♀️

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/10/2019 11:18

So you’ve already had £14k and want more? I can see why he’s not gifted anything. Perhaps he feels you are an adult and should stand on your own two feet now rather than expect parents to pay.

eachbeach · 20/10/2019 11:21

It slightly amazes me the wide differences in parents attitudes to grown up children. My parents definitely would not (and not even think of sharing an inheritance like that) I'm sure DHs parents would. My parents also don't help with childcare or other things like that. But they help in their own ways. When we visit mum is an amazing cook and dad is great with DIY, so they do their own thing in their own way .

LolaSmiles · 20/10/2019 11:21

You've had a pay rise and chose to spend the pay rise on clothes and nice holidays instead of getting on top of your debt.

I wouldn't be giving anything in that situation either I'm afraid.

Pinkyyy · 20/10/2019 11:23

So you’ve already had £14k and want more?

You've had a pay rise and chose to spend the pay rise on clothes and nice holidays instead of getting on top of your debt.

I agree with the above. You sound greedy and clearing your debt clearly isn't your top priority so why should it be theirs? I'd say you've already had your share towards your house and expecting more is nothing but greed.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/10/2019 11:27

If I was mortgage-free I'd give each of my adult children £5000 and set aside the same amount each to give towards a mortgage deposit or a wedding in the future. The younger one would get the same when they were older.

MsJuniper · 20/10/2019 11:29

I would for my children absolutely, including if they were in debt for any reason. My mum was always saying how much she wished she could help me financially but when she had the opportunity she didn't and instead told all the siblings different stories and made promises which were subsequently broken.

My PIL on the other hand quietly gave us a modest amount towards our house deposit and lent DH £5k to pay off a credit card which they later decided we didn't have to pay back. We are so very grateful to them, not just for the money but also the way they handled it, being very clear and communicative about their intentions and ensuring DH and his siblings were treated equally and transparently, with no fanfare or drama.

I have a good relationship my my DM generally but her decisions around money have been quite divisive and hurtful at times. I really hope I would never use money in this way.

The key to me seems to be communication. No your DF doesn't have an obligation to give you anything but he could acknowledge your situation and help you plan for the future depending on his intentions.

Zenithbear · 20/10/2019 11:33

We have three houses between us and a lot of savings. We still work part-time it does not mean we are rich, very comfortable yes and that we may have a chance to retire a bit earlier. We won't be receiving any inheritance and our pensions are small.
I see a lot of posts about parents having this and that.
We have got this and that through thoughtful planning and partly because of our age I suppose. I'd give dc some if I were very well off but not to compromise on our lifestyle that we still have to go to work for.

anonononon · 20/10/2019 11:33

It's not just your parents tho - it's the person who wrote the will who also didnt choose to gift you anything.
I've lost both my Grandmothers in the past 18 month (my Grandfathers are both long gone). Both wills specified inheritance for all the grandkids. On the side where further greatgrandkids were unlikely, the great grandkids were also bequeathed a small amount.

It is many, many years off, but consider gifting through the generations when the time comes to make your will - if the next generation is financially secure, of course. Five thousand to my younger cousins has been amazing in what they can do with it - much more life changing than for their parents receiving a greater sum.

SprinkleDash · 20/10/2019 11:37

Hell no!!! Xxx

OldGrinch · 20/10/2019 11:39

My mum inherited two properties from her parents, at this point my parents had paid off their mortgage already. That was 20 years ago and the profits from the sales have been sat in her bank account ever since. They already had a 5 bedroom house just for 2 of them and didn't need anything else. Me and my sibling and my DC have never been offered a penny of that money. Mum's choice of course, but I would never dream of treating my DC like that.

Original poster
TherapyGal · 20/10/2019 12:03

i think it just that i dont think i would take that approach! it is of course theirs and that's that. i realise i a, not entitled to it and maybe it is easy to say youd gift it when you dont have it, im not sure.

to the poster who said they have three houses and still have to work fror their very comfortable lifestyle...and they got there through hard work... i am sure you did. but lets not forget that a house deposit these days is a long way off 14k and even further off from the 100% mortgages that were available in the past! it is much much harder these days and for that reason alone i know i would treat my own DC differently.

OP posts:
itbemay1 · 20/10/2019 12:10

If my own financial situation was sorted I'd give both of mine a large sum, Especially if I knew they had debts

Pinkyyy · 20/10/2019 12:13

@SprinkleDash what's with the kisses?

Bitchwood · 20/10/2019 12:28

@TherapyGal I would have cleared your debt plus given you extra!

Original poster
TherapyGal · 20/10/2019 12:30

I’m aware they’ve given me a lot already. Don’t expect anything from them or think I am entitled to it. Just wondered what others thought. I do think there’s a different approach to money these days though compared with older generation.

OP posts:
Aridane · 20/10/2019 12:46

Have you posted about this before?

LolaSmiles · 20/10/2019 14:20

but lets not forget that a house deposit these days is a long way off 14k and even further off from the 100% mortgages that were available in the past! it is much much harder these days and for that reason alone i know i would treat my own DC differently.
In this situation house prices are irrelevant (and I'm normally one of the first to point out that the hard work / house deposit arguments are often silly).

You've had help with your house, which is fortunate and lovely. You've had financial assistance already and that's very generous so it's not like your parents have don't nothing to ever help you

But your debt is your debt and I don't see why anyone (parent or otherwise) should be financially bailing out someone who has thousands in debt but prioritises new clothes and holidays. If anything, the fact you routinely seem to be spending on things instead of sorting your debt would leave me thinking that throwing substantial amounts of money your way would be a waste of my money and throwing good money at bad because you're not doing anything that says "I'm taking my financial situation seriously". You're still spending.

But if a child was in debt due to financial emergencies, had already tightened their belt and was struggling then I wouldn't think twice about helping them out because they'd hit a rough patch, got themselves in order and a helping hand is always nice if it's possible.

doxxed · 20/10/2019 14:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Shelby30 · 20/10/2019 14:34

Are they usually that miserable with money 😳 In that situation I would have given my kids at least 20K each.

Anytime my parents have had some money they've always given me some. They got about £10K from an old uncle and gave me and my sister £1500 each.

When my Nan died they gave us a few grand each from what they got which wasn't loads.

IdiotInDisguise · 20/10/2019 14:37

I think they have given you a lot already and they are just allowing you to be an adult and to learn to deal with your own debt.

They may be rightly assuming you will get your inheritance when they die, not before.

Lindy2 · 20/10/2019 14:38

Yes I would.

My mum has also made occassional lump sum gifts to my brother and myself when she has been in a position to do so. It has helped us immensely.

I would aim to do the same for my children when they are older. Like my mum though, I would only make a gift if I was sure that it would be used appropriately and not frittered away.

LolaSmiles · 20/10/2019 14:42

Shelby
Why exactly is it miserable with money to not throw money at your adult child's debt when they're more than happy to keep frittering their own money on clothes and holidays instead of paying off their debt?

KnickerBockerAndrew · 20/10/2019 14:51

Hmm. I think that they have probably come to the conclusion that you're really not that sensible financially. I understand that you make your choices and that's completely up to you, but I'd be loath to gift someone money if they're not only in quite significant debt, but also spending on holidays and that kind of thing. It just doesn't seem wise to gift money in those circumstances.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/10/2019 14:52

I can't speak for everyone but for me I'd want to see my child actually live their life.

@TherapyGal has said that her debts accrued through necessity.

I'd never want my child to live a life where they go to work pay bills and have nothing else.

Be sensible. Absolutely. Don't get over your head. Don't be lazy and constantly have your hand out.
And don't take the piss.

OP is capable of paying her debts. And having a nice time.

So If I could see my child was a hard worker. Good financial planner and was making sensible decisions. I'd never hold a holiday or some clothes against them.