Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Original poster

If you received 120k inheritance and had paid off your mortgage

99 replies

TherapyGal · 19/10/2019 14:11

Would you gift any to your kids?

I have 7k debt and was hoping my dad might have thrown 1 or 2k my way. Am I being unfair?

Obviously not going to ask him!

OP posts:
WagtailRobin · 20/10/2019 05:26

Some posters criticising the OP for being in debt, wind your necks in for fuck sake. Debt can be accumulated in several ways, having a mortgage is debt.

My mum would give all of her children a share but she has always put us first, always. She has never had that sort of money (and never will) but if she did she would share it in a heartbeat.

I'm surprised there are parents on this thread saying they wouldn't gift some of their winfall to their children but to each their own I suppose.

If I came into 120K I would share with my mum and my siblings, that's just the sort of family we are.

minesagin37 · 20/10/2019 06:22

We received that amount. We gift a load of money to my dd by paying her £300 rent a month. We are due to get another windfall and both dds are getting that though.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/10/2019 06:30

@minesagin37 a windfall?

Please tell me that's not an inheritance?

lljkk · 20/10/2019 07:09

OP: do your parents know you have debts?

minesagin37 · 20/10/2019 08:01

@2018SoFarSoGreat

Yes- why? 'a large amount of money that is won or received unexpectedly'

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/10/2019 08:14

Sorry, not being rude. I just never considered an inheritance a windfall. I suppose I always thought of that as something good that came your way. Which I suppose am inheritance could be. Just never occurred to me that way.

minesagin37 · 20/10/2019 08:21

@2018SoFarSoGreat yes the second inheritance was totally out of the blue. An aunt out of a big set of siblings who never had children. We knew nothing about her which was very sad in hindsight.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/10/2019 08:26

Is it truly terrible to say I secretly dreamed of an unknown relative leaving me something. Anything. In their will? No sadness if you don't know them, no guilt at how you felt about them. Perfect situation 😁

Piccalino3 · 20/10/2019 08:38

When my Grandmother died she left a huge estate, my Dad had his inheritance and I was happy for him. He didn't share it with me, gave my brother £50k to start a business which was a no go from the start. I really didn't expect anything at all. 4 years later my Dad died and left his estate to me and my brother. The money has been used on our house, my children are young but I didn't put any aside for them. I hope we can help them with cars, Uni etc as they get older. The inheritance money was very bittersweet and although it's done us good it wasn't enjoyable and I certainly didn't consider it a windfall. It came some losing someone I loved very much and it was sad and I felt responsibility towards how I spent money that had been passed to me and hard won by others.

FamilyOfAliens · 20/10/2019 08:48

minesagin

How come you didn’t know anything about her? How sad.

My aunt died three years ago and left her entire estate - including a house in the US - to me because I was the only family member who stayed in contact with her throughout her life. It was a complete shock to me and I had no idea she was so wealthy as she was careful with her money. The rest of the family cut contact with her ten years before her death.

Her will was probably the last “fuck you” to the family who should have cared about her.

Pinkyyy · 20/10/2019 08:57

Depends largely what the debt is for and what your financial situation is.

If you've got 7k debt, don't work and it's quickly building up, then I wouldn't give you anything. Obviously if that's not the case then it would have been nice for them to gift you some, still their choice though.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/10/2019 09:16

@WagtailRobin of course there are many ways debt can occur. But let's not be naive and believe that being frivolous and overspending isn't one of them.

If the Op is somebody who is bad at keeping her finances in check.
Then it matters. Because many people wouldn't bother throwing good money after bad.

The OP mentioned the debt. It relevant to the discussion. So wind your neck in.

minesagin37 · 20/10/2019 09:23

@FamilyOfAliens it's probably an exaggeration to say we knew nothing but she lived on the other side of the country, she wasn't close to her siblings so we didn't have contact via parents, she had her own full life and we have ours so never really came into contact.

Cornishclio · 20/10/2019 09:47

Yes I have gifted large proportions of windfalls I received from my mum to my daughters. Some to help with university, some for house deposits and some for cars etc. They have used it for that purpose though not repaying debt. Are they aware of your circumstances?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/10/2019 10:47

I’d save most for retirement and put some into the house deposit funds for the children.

If they were already adults it would depend on circumstances. If I thought they would waste it then I’d look at things other than actual cash. It would depend on the reason for the debt as to whether I would help pay it off.

Original poster
TherapyGal · 20/10/2019 10:47

Ok so the debt is all credit card interest free, never missed a payment and pay above the minimum to clear before interest free runs out.

It came from when I bought my house on my own. Needed a car for work and also needed things like a bed, table, boiler and part of the roof doing.

I don’t recklessly spend but I do go on holiday and buy clothes that could otherwise go towards the debt. If I didn’t do that though I think i would go a bit mad. I personally don’t feel I have spent what I shouldn’t and I did it sensibly. I did for example go without a sofa for 4 months etc.

I think I just thought it if was me I would definitely have put a couple of thousand towards this as a parent who has come into a lot of money.

Definitely not going to ask. Money and families don’t mix Grin

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 20/10/2019 10:52

In those circumstances I wouldn’t help clear the debt. If I knew you had gone without all luxuries to clear it I would help but going on holiday whilst having that much on credit cards would feel reckless to me. Plenty of ways to have downtime without holidays.

I’d gift some at some point on the form of something physical rather than cash.

Original poster
TherapyGal · 20/10/2019 10:54

And yes they know about the debt. They don’t consider it reckless spending I don’t think and they have known the stress it has caused me in the past. I used to have sleepless nights over it before I had a pay rise.

Since the pay rise I have gone on holiday and done a few more things while also making bigger payments. They might see this as me being ok.

It’s just the fact that it is debt so anyone would want it gone. While I accept I could plough more into it each month than I already do, obviously a bulk payment would be a huge help.

They rent our property and will often laugh about the fact they can have a ‘nice holiday’ now the rent has gone up, or that they can afford three new coats in one go because they’ve made a saving on new buy to let deal. Stuff like that feels a bit cruel and clearly they have no need to touch the 120k.

I do accept it is their choice though and they did give me 14k towards my house when I bought it. They’re not mean, I was just surprised someone could come into that sort of money and not share even a tiny bit! But that’s my approach and I know for sure I would definitely share it, maybe not a lot but at least a few thousand

OP posts:
Original poster
TherapyGal · 20/10/2019 10:58

icecream i know what you are saying, but a car was vital due to where i live - it was 4k. i could have gone cheaper but this had minimal milage on it and has had zero issues in the last few years. it was the right investment.

the holiday i referred to was the first in 6 years. i dont personally consider that reckless, accepting others may well do.

OP posts:
Contraceptionismyfriend · 20/10/2019 11:00

That doesn't sound bad at all.

I would never expect my children to live a boring life with a manageable debt.

I think the relationship dynamics are important. If my Dad received that amount I'd be sending him links to holiday websites. It would mostly be in jest and I'd never demand anything.
But I know for a fact we'd receive some.

AllFourOfThem · 20/10/2019 11:02

My parents already had their mortgage paid off when they inherited. They didn’t give me any of the money at that stage but over the years, on a number of occasions, they have been very generous. They have always offered though.

Echobelly · 20/10/2019 11:03

People's money is people's money and we can never say what they should do with it at the end of the day. Thought I guess in your position I might have hoped for a bit of help, but as you say, it's not something one can ask for.

Mitebiteatnite · 20/10/2019 11:03

If it was my mum, she'd split it evenly between me and my 2 sisters in a heartbeat, keeping a little aside for herself. My mum is of the opinion that she has lived her life, and now in retirement needs and wants very little. Her children, grandchildren and great grandchild however, are all young and have many more years to live. She would give her last penny for her children if it ever came to that.

DHs parents are the polar opposite. They have hundreds of thousands in savings and are doing their absolute best to spend it all before they die, despite 2 out of 4 of their children being in quite dire financial situations. I find that a difficult attitude to get used to, perhaps because my own parents were so generous. But my parents generosity is one of the reasons my mum will have very little to leave us when she dies (my dad passed away a few years ago).

I think the idea of inheritance when a parent dies is outdated really, people are living longer and its increasingly difficult for younger people to buy a home. If we were in a position to give our children money when they were in their early 30s, I'd rather do that than leave them a big chunk when I die and they are in their 60s/70s and they have already lived most of their lives.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/10/2019 11:06

Hmm.

I think I would; but I also think your parents have already given you 14k...

Since the pay rise I have gone on holiday and done a few more things while also making bigger payments. They might see this as me being ok.

And have probably reasonably assumed that you're happy with how quickly you're paying off the debt or that it's much lower now. Not that I disagree at all with you having holidays and things; just that it might make you look more "comfortable" than you're actually feeling.

But it's hugely personal. I think a 14k gift is massive but my parents died when I was a kid and I've never had a financial gift from anyone. Some people would think that was peanuts.

Any chance they're thinking of getting another property, and seeing that as another income source for them and a bigger inheritance for you eventually?

RunsForGummyBears · 20/10/2019 11:16

It's easy to give away money that isn't yours to give.

(Your parents aren't that tight if they have you £14k for your house.)