Help...

[handle1]

Hi

I'm a housewife and have 3 kids!
I don't work.

I have got into debt with my over draft and credit cards amounting to just under £4,000 and I don't know how to pay it off? I tried to get a loan but it was declined I expect because I don't work.
My husband gives me around 750/800 to pay cc off each month but I can't seem to to get straight.
I haven't told him about this as he will get so stressed, say we will lose the house and say I shouldn't have cc as can't control the money situation and tbh I can't face telling him as I feel so ashamed.

What should I do ?

Try and pay off each month ?
Or tell him ?

We could pay it all off with out offset but that would leave us without much left for emergency funds...

It's getting me so down and depressed and I keep crying about it but can't tell anyone.

A few points in no particular order.

What is the reason for the debt? Are you covering household costs including socialising, which should be covered by your joint household income? If so, perhaps DH should understand these are not your debts.

Even so, there are two courses. The first is to use as much of the money he gives you each month to pay it off - be tough on yourself. In a few months it will be paid off. But if DH is expecting to give you only about 5-6 months of payments he will be a bit annoyed if there is still debt left at the end. The other approach and probably the best one is to come clean with DH and work out a way to pay these debts off asap. It seems as if there is some spare money each month so work on that.

Try to understand why you got into debt in the first place and try not to make the same mistake. If you have no money you need to get some, either from DH earnings or getting a part time job when DH is home to care for the kids. You need some money for you. Having no money for treats is pretty awful and will send you potty. If DH is a reasonable man he will understand this.

Hi,
are your children at school and nursery? Could you look at getting back in to work? It would be good to discuss the situation with your partner but if you could get a job you would also have a solution.

“My husband gives me around 750/800 to pay cc off each month but I can't seem to to get straight”

Do you mean you are spending the money he gives you to pay off the card? I think you should tell him you need help.

Hi
Kids are 4, 6 and 7.
I started putting food on the credit card, birthday treats and just general expenses and before I knew it..got worse!
Husband won't understand how I got in this mess! He will start stressing and then rightly so I'll feel terrible and even worse than now!!
We have a shopping account which he puts money into but I can't seem to stretch it and I should as it's £1,000.

Then he gives me £750 to pay cc off each month so I know it's my fault..

We also have 3 dogs and a cat.

I just can't seem to get myself together financially.

I feel useless and so embarrassed about it.

Yes I could get a pt job you are right I'll start looking.

Thank you

Can you give us a list of all the accounts, incomings and expenditures?
We may be able to help suggest a reasonable payment plan and where to cut down to save money?

Do you essentially have £1750 income and have to pay off a 4K debt. What are your payments? How much are you spending on food/living out of the £1000. Who is paying the bills?

How on earth are you spending so much each month? I'm very confused if you aren't paying bills apart from food.

Oh bless you, it's so easy to do!
No matter what you do to pay the debt off, talk to him, tell him what's happened, you're in this together so he needs to know, you're married and I'm assuming the finances are combined, it's going to have an affect him as much as it is you.

I can’t see how getting a job will help as from what you have posted, you have issues with overspending.

Much better to talk to your dh and see a debt counsellor.

Need to understand your household income, what your outgoings are from that £1,000 etc.

If your DH gives you £750 a month to repay the credit cards on top of £1,000, then you should be able to repay it quite quickly if you get a proper handle on your budget.

DH pays the bills.

I honestly don't know. The food money just goes on food. There is 5 of us plus animals. No excuses I know...
When I look at it logically I cAnt understand it!

I think it's like I run out of money with the shopping and then use the credit card to keep me going til I get my top up again. Plus use the credit card for birthday treats, clothes for kids, vet bills..

It's like a spiral that I can't seem to get out of!

You need to tell your husband. Then you need to both sit down, look at your family finances and agree a budget and a way to pay off the debt.
You can't not tell him, this has a huge impact on your family.

Time to cut up the credit card I think.

Set yourself a target of an extra £250 payment per month.

Then do the normal, buy supermarket own, no takeaway coffees, no clothes, no treats for yourself, avoid the most expensive meals, give up alcohol for six months.

And then tell your dh.

Unless you live in a really really expensive location you're really over spending. You need to sit down and look through everything you're spending in a month. I have children and pets and still don't spend half of what you do. I think you need to be honest with your husband and sit down and sort it out as it sounds like a genuine problem.

I wish I had your budget 😂

Write down everything you are spending.

That’s the magic bullet you deaking with it.

Spending over 1000 a month on food? That seems an awful lot. I have a hell of a lot less income than you but still manage to pay my mortgage, bills, chip away at debt and feed my family and dog.
The good thing is you are recognising it needs to stop. But you really do need to get it under control. Start being tough. What I cannot afford we do not have. My child also knows we can't do everything and is OK with that. You need to tell your husband too. He will be disappointed and rightly so but its not like you aren't disappointed in yourself too. These things happen but hopefully being accountable and talking about it will hopefully encourage you to sort things out and start making positive changes

What I'm planning to do is paying one credit card off which is 870 this month and then 800 following month to overdraft then 750/800 following to remaining card.
Get rid of cards.
Can't face telling DH he will get so upset, start stressing, saying we will lose the house and saying I can't control money.
Yes I know I can't but I'm trying and I don't need this chucked in my face.
I think also that I need a job as I hate having no money of my own.
We live in an expensive area which doesn't help!!

You need to set yourself a weekly or even daily budget so you know exactly how much you have to spend each day or week until you next get "paid". Some people find having the amount in cash helps as then they see the physical amount of money they have for that day or week and see it going down. You need to get control over your spending as £1000 is a lot of money to get through.

I was typing a response and the page just reloaded

Do you know about the standing order trick? You fix the amount you pay off the credit card so each month you are paying more off the bill.

Cut back on spending, don’t buy snacks and drinks out, and delete any subscriptions to online shopping sites.

A job would be a good thing too.

Obviously it would be best to tell your DH, but getting a handle on this yourself first might make you less stressed. If you could tell him this is the problem and this is what I’m doing to fix it that could be more positive than simply telling him you have a debt.

A good way to cut down on spending is using cash rather than a card. The act of handing over cash triggers a pain response in the brain. So, if you know you need to buy something, or take DC the dentist, anything that takes you out of the house, get a small amount of cash and then leave your cards at home.

How do you do the grocery shop? If online it’s easy to search all the offers, or stick to a list.

Hi @handle1

Firstly take a deep breath! You're okay. It's not your fault, I promise. I can tell you the reason why you have credit card debt, it's because your husband doesn't know the expense to run your houseful with 3 kids, 3 dogs and 1 cat. You're not buying handbags or shoes every month. You're spending the money on keeping the household.

I suggest that you keep all the receipts for the expenses every month or log on to your bank account and credit card account and note the amount of money you spend on an excel. They are all for your family. Your husband will see clearly that you've been keeping your house and not spending on yourself. Also you will see whether or not you can cut down on certain things on the spending.

He shouldn't be mad or stressed as he should know the expenses. It shouldn't be your burden entirely.

If you need any technical help I am happy to assis.

Hope this helps

Thanks all. Appreciate the time spent replying.
I'm going to do this as I have no choice.
Cut down, different shops and get rid of the debt.

I'll keep you updated. X

If I pay one credit card off and my overdraft this month
800 overdraft
864.00 credit card

Can I survive on 300 for the month ?
Any tips ?
Can I do this or is this impossible ?

Then all I will have is one credit card left which is 2,229.00

Your DH gives you £1k a month for food etc He pays all bills, so apart from food and toiletries what else does this money have to cover.

DH is giving you £800 a month for CC repayments, so if you stop spending now and put the full £800 a month to your debt you will clear it in around 5 months.

So for 5 months you will just have your £1k to live off, if he is paying all other bills that is completely doable. Then once you are clear that £800 he is giving you can either go into savings etc.

I think at some point you will also need to explain to him that you struggle with budgeting and money management and you need help to work out what to do going forward so this doesn't happen again.

I wanted to get rid as soon as the bills!

So to pay two off this Month and try and live for one month on 300 is the doable ? Then I only have the other credit card.

I can't face telling him.

He will say I have no control and can't budget etc then start getting upset about saying we will lose the house etc...
I know all the above I don't need to be told again by him.

I feel crap enough and bloody useless so telling him will make it even worse!