Help...

[handle1]

Hi

I'm a housewife and have 3 kids!
I don't work.

I have got into debt with my over draft and credit cards amounting to just under £4,000 and I don't know how to pay it off? I tried to get a loan but it was declined I expect because I don't work.
My husband gives me around 750/800 to pay cc off each month but I can't seem to to get straight.
I haven't told him about this as he will get so stressed, say we will lose the house and say I shouldn't have cc as can't control the money situation and tbh I can't face telling him as I feel so ashamed.

What should I do ?

Try and pay off each month ?
Or tell him ?

We could pay it all off with out offset but that would leave us without much left for emergency funds...

It's getting me so down and depressed and I keep crying about it but can't tell anyone.

I’m sorry but why the ‘bless you’, ‘this isn’t your fault’? Yes it is OPs fault, she seems to have no ability to budget, some families have this or less to pay bills and eat!
£1000 pm is more than adequate for a family of that size, do a meal plan, stop buying treats, don’t buy unnecessary items. I’m gobsmacked that PP are suggesting her DH isn’t giving her enough; food shop max £100, that leaves £150 pw for other items.

Also living in an expensive area has bugger all to do with grocery costs, are you keeping up with the Jones?

*Is £300 a month doable
*
With the greatest respect you currently have £1800 a month and can't manage so probably not. £300 to cover all food etc will I expect be very tight.

Have you really sat down and worked out where all this money is going.

Make a list of every penny you spend. You need to work out where it is all going.

I know it's my fault!
I've said that how many times so I do know.

No not keeping up with the Jones'

Just got out of my depth!!

£300 won’t be doable if you’re currently spending £1800 a month. It’s not realistic.
You need to set a realistic budget and stick to it. You’re better off leaving yourself enough money to get through the month and cutting up your CC than paying off too much and end up using it again anyway because you haven’t left yourself enough money.

I agree you need to keep it realistic. I would use the £800 your husband gives you for the credit card for that and then budget to use the £1000 for food etc. I would meal plan and make a huge effort to have a cheaper couple of months and aim to have some money left over from the £1000 that you can also pay the card off with.

Cut up the credit cards today. I cannot believe your Dh pays all bills and also gives you £1000 per month for food and £750 for the cc. I think he needs to hand you £200 per week in cash to buy food and let him take control of paying off the cc. I'd be furious if Dh kept any debt from me as it affects the whole family. Once all debt is paid off you both need to decide on a method of budgeting as clearly you are not able to manage your spending responsibly.

For a start get a notebook and start writing down every penny you spend. Every penny. Then you will see exactly what you are spending on.

Where do you shop? Have a good think about your grocery shopping and how you can cut back on that.

Clothes. Stop buying any. Go through your wardrobe and see if you can sell any. Same with kids clothes.

Have a clear out generally and see what you can sell. You probably won’t make much but every little helps.

Vet bills. How much? Are they not insured? Research how you can buy their food cheaper. DH buys all our dog food etc on line and gets emails about reductions fairly regularly.

Manicures pedicures etc? Cut them out for a couple of months.

Any old phones lying around that you can sell?

You can do it. You just need to not panic. Be logical. Look at every thing you can cut back on. Do you have a store cupboard and freezer full of food? Try a week every so often where you live off that and just have to buy milk, bread and veg etc rather than a big shop every week.

Thanks for making me feel like shit :(

That's to Drum218

Thanks all but I'll think I'll end this now as I don't want to feel any worse than what I do.
Thank you for the advice I'll do what I can and hopefully be ok x

It's not your fault, I promise. I can tell you the reason why you have credit card debt, it's because your husband doesn't know the expense to run your houseful with 3 kids, 3 dogs and 1 cat

So whose fault is it then? The Dh? Hardly when he's handing over £1750 per month with the reasonable expectation that op can manage to buy food and toiletries for that. No point pussyfooting around this issue. Op clearly accepts it's her fault. And wherever you live op, expensive area or not, surely there's an Aldi or a Lidl within driving distance.

You keep repeating that
Dh will say your useless with money it’s out of control and you’ll lose the house

Stop it

Cut up your credit cards

You are given 1800 each month to cover credit card and food shopping - is that correct? You owe £4K on cc is that correct?

You’ll not go from spending £1000 on food to £300

So leave yourself £600 to spend on food and pay £1200 on the credit card

In four months time you’ll have paid it off

With the added bonus of having no further spends on the card if you cut them up

Get yourself on to a few budgeting websites for food on the cheap and start cooking in bulk

OP nobody is making you feel like shit, everyone has gave great sensible responses, you obviously just want everyone to say poor wee you. Grow up and accept responsibility, you are hopeless with budgeting. Plenty families living on a pittance and you’re whining for sympathy with the best part of £2000 a month to fritter away, give it a rest.

Just heading out - bit look at a Munro bank account

It will help you track your spending and see where you can cut back

Anything you’re paying by DD? Check it's valid
Look at gas elec etc
Look at sorting out meals to reduce food waste
I’ll pop back

Biggest advice is to stop putting your head in the sand and keep track of all spending if you focus you can get back in the red

Living off £300 a month is perfectly doable, but it will likely be too big a jump for you. Plus if you don't tell DH about the debt, he's likely to notice thatyou've cut right down and wonder why. You really need to look at where the money is going. Go through bank and credit card statements, see if you can work it out.

Sainsbury's pet insurance have calculated that the cost of owning a dog per year is over £1100. A cat is even more. I assume that is with insurance and food etc.

I don't understand why people have animals when money is so tight and in debt?

The main bit of practical advice I can give is plan in advance.

Meal plan and try and use up any frozen meals/ meat in the freezer.

Buy gifts for children's parties when they're on offer. Tesco often have craft sets on sale and I bought a load of 'stories for 5 year olds' books on Amazon earlier in the year as they were going really cheap (my daughter is in reception so lots of 5th birthdays)

Look for clothes/ toys in charity shops. Puzzles and games are always cheap.

Don't do top up shops at local convenience shops, I'm a bugger for this- go in needing bread and end up spending £30.

@MarieG10
Money isn’t tight, Op is given £1800 pm after bills are all paid, that’s more than enough to keep a young family. I have 3 dogs and spend about £80/100 a month on them which is reasonable. The OP sounds like a spendthrift.

Food wise do an audit of what you have in the freezer and cupboards and meal plan using what you have.

Write down everything you spend, everything, so you can keep track of what you have left. It also makes you stop and think about whether you are buying something essential or not.

You need to know where the money has been going so you can budget properly. Go through your statements and work it out. You should be able to see where you can cut back, what you can stop altogether and what you can cut back on.

You can do it.

You need to tell your husband before your debt escalates- at the moment you could get that paid off fairly quickly. I would tell mine. He'd be pissed off that I didn't spend the money he already gave me on it before, but then he would help sort it.
Could you ask your Dh to pay the 750 straight onto the CC for you instead of giving it to you? I'm not the best with money so if there are things to pay off DH does it even if I give him the money first.

If he’s giving you money to pay off your CC each month then he knows you have some debt? How much does he think you owe?

I can't understand why you can't tell your husband when he is already giving you £750 or whatever it is a month towards paying off the credit card debts. Now that in itself is a huge monthly payment to bring the balance down. He either knows you have racked up a big debt OR he is under the impression it will be cleared soon in which case will he stop paying it anytime soon?

Given your previous post I doubt you will respond any more to comments but remember you have come here for advice... Post subject 'Help'. Unfortunately most of the advice is going to be really blunt and to the point. No one has made you feel shit, you already feel that way. We can't offer you sympathy when you have been so irresponsible with money and dishonest to your DH. I think because your DH is so giving with money you have taken advantage. Because ultimately he will bail you out as he is the one paying for EVERYTHING. Yes it's expensive to live and raise kids, but jesus you are abusing the 1800 a month you get and that isn't even to pay bills! Most of us live of a hell of a lot less, and have to pay bills, debts and also have kids! Maybe you need to hear these things for your to make changes?

I still think you should tell him. He will be the one to take control of the situation. I hope he is pissed at you too for being so irresponsible with his money.
What's it actually going to take to make you stop living beyond your means?