Anyone knowledgeable about benefit fraud rules re living together?

[HoneycombAndAJackass]

Or not as the case may be.

I received a call today as someone has reported me for benefit fraud.
I live with my 3 children and work part time, In receipt of universal credit (including housing element) and child benefit. This has been the case for the past 3 years.

Started a new relationship 2 years ago.
A year into the relationship, As I'd read various info on mumsnet and various other online sources about rules regarding having partners stay over I thought the best thing to do was call DWP and see exactly what the rules were.

The information I got was he could stay as many nights as I saw fit as long as we were not financially linked to one another.
I explained that he was here quite a lot (3-6 nights per week depending on how I was doing health-wise)
They told me this was fine and just to log the call on my UC journal online, Which I did.

We have continued as we are for the year since, I pay all my own bills and he pays his, He does not contribute financially to my home or upkeep of my children. He has his own rented property and is on the mortgage of his family home.

If we go on holiday, I pay for me and the kids, He pays for himself.

We do plan on moving in together eventually, But it's a huge decision and not something I want to rush.

Chatted about all of this with the lady from the DWP fraud team and whilst she says she is happy to close the case, If I had another complaint/report they may well investigate me for benefit fraud.

I was quite upset at this as I had taken steps to make sure everything I was doing was legit and above board and asked what I should change.
She said I should just be aware of how things 'looked' to others. It was all very strange and I felt I couldn't get any concrete answers to my questions.

I explained that I was in no way financially benefiting in my situation as I still pay all of my bills, Council Tax etc....If he even picks me up so much as a loaf of bread I bank transfer him the money with 'bread' as the reference so that I can prove I don't take a penny from him.

I feel now that I am being pressured to move in together before I am absolutely ready, As even if he stays less nights it would make no difference to my finances and possible fraud investigation if there were to be another complaint.

I'm not sure where to go from here.

Has anyone ever been through something similar?
Any advice appreciated.

Do you clean up after him? Is he clearing the table and getting stuck into the dishes whilst you get bedtimes sorted?

Get that sorted unless you want to be the maid.

@ScottishDoll He cooks every night he is here, The kids do the dishes and clear up.
He helps DC with homework and then we all muck in with a clean-up before bedtime.
We'll have pretty much equal chores when he moves in, I'll clear up after breakfast and tidy during the day, But when we are both here it will be 50/50

Then I suppose your deciding question would be this, if you won the lottery this weekend and had a mllion plus in the bank would you still move in with him now or would you wait a bit?

So he lives with you rent free and makes no contribution to your bills or food even though he's he's there most of the week. You are being screwed over by him as he's taking advantage of your kindness and wanting to see him.

And not wanting to be seen as playing the system. Easy to say he will pay you down the line knowing that at the moment you can't take anything for how it looks. I hope I'm wrong but after reading scores of similar treads then I doubt it. Be careful op

tbf she did say she would marry before moving in so I reckon she is wise to the financial implications of setting up home with him.

@ScottishDoll would move in with him, Absolutely.

@DtPeabodysLoosePants I really don't agree, As I've said, He really wants to, I won't let him.

I would marry him before we bought somewhere together. For sure.

When we move in together it will be into my house and I will remain the sole name on the tenancy until such times as we are married, Then we'll look at buying somewhere.

I think you are doing the right thing OP. As long as he is not costing you money, keeping your finances completely separate while you get to know him properly is very sensible.
This bullshit microscope on the love affairs of single mothers is stressing women with children to move in with men they don't know well enough FAR too soon. Its a huge problem, because once you start getting harassed by brown envelopes it's tempting to just go "fuck it" and amalgamate your lives, thus potentially upending your stable life and that of your kids (or worse things, much worse things). Stay separate as long as you need and stick to your guns with HMRC. He's a boyfriend, not a partner until you say otherwise.

@HepzibahGreen That's how I've always felt.
I'm having a chat with him tonight about it all.

The thing is, Divorce could be through in a couple of months and all this will be a moot point anyway.

I am still quite cross at the whole not being able to be told clearly what is acceptable and what isn't, This 'grey area' nonsense is stressing me out.

I think you're right to be careful and you're obviously not 'screwing the system'. I was discussing this post with a friend earlier as we're both in similar, although not identical, situations. She brought up how much you're spending on him too. Being financially linked isn't just about how much 'extra money' comes into your household through him but also where your benefits go. You're effectively using the benefit money allocated to you and your dcs to feed an extra person. Baring this in mind it's definitely not unreasonable for him to bring over dinner once in a while. Like a pp said, you wouldn't feed a friend for free 3-6 nights a week and you'd think nothing of them chipping in for a takeaway. My friend and I will quite often pick up a loaf of bread or pint of milk on our way over to the other's and wave off any suggestion of reimbursement.

I'm not saying any of this because I think he's taking advantage of you (from what you said about your ex I think you'd suss this out pretty quick) but just to point out that the 'financial link' goes both ways

@FlowerAn
That's an interesting perspective and I see where you are coming from.

@HoneycombAndAJackass you're NUTS. You are allocating benefit money meant for your DCs to fund a high earner!

LET HIM CONTRIBUTE. No one will ever know if he pays for Tesco's. Or even gives you cash. He HAS to cover his costs.

My boyfriend stays 2 nights a week and even though he covers his fuel (costs him twenty quid a visit) I am thinking 🤔 of asking him to contribute to food etc as otherwise I'm spending money on him and not the kids.

@QuickQuestion2019 I just can't as that would be going directly against what I was told by the DWP when I originally queried it. They specifically said 'as long as he doesn't pay bills or contribute food, pay towards furniture for the household'

To be honest, I spend the same on food as I was buying/cooking an amount for a family of 5 anyway. Just hadn't got out of the habit I guess (Also if BF wasn't here one of mine or the children's friends would join us for dinner pretty much every night anyway)
Electricity hasn't went up.
He usually nips home for a shower in the morning so he can get clean clothes, Make a lunch for work.
He washes and dries his own stuff at his.
I'm struggling to think of how he costs me money, Extra Christmas and birthday presents maybe?

In case anyone is concerned about my children, I can assure you they want for nothing.

Please don't think I was insinuating that your children lose out because you're paying for your bf. absolutely not what I meant at all. Just wondering if that might be a line of thought the dwp may go down. A kind of 'well, you've got enough to feed an extra person so maybe you've got TOO much'. Obviously I know that benefits aren't assessed this way at all. I've just come across people who seem to think that all single mothers on benefits deserve to live hand to mouth and barely out of poverty but that's a whole other topic!

@HoneycombAndAJackass but the DWP are never, ever, ever going to know if he gives you cash and pays his share. I am in receipt of widows parents Allowance which carries exactly the same rules re couples and I'm not even slightly worried about boyfriend contributing, because he has a job, a flat and a council tax bill in a while separate town.

He does cost you money. Men eat more than DC. And you probably keep things in he likes like particular coffee or beer?

Please don't let paranoia about DWP mean you lose out financially.

@FlowerAn not aimed at you at all.
I know the type of person you mean....When I was in the homeless unit I managed to buy a lovely leather sofa for £50 second hand, I was delighted with it and when I told my 'friend' she said 'you want to watch yourself , If the council see this they'll say if she can afford furniture then she can afford rent.
I can't stand these 'race to the bottom' people.

@QuickQuestion2019 Paranoia is probably correct, I am a seriously anxious person and I would DIE before comitting any type of fraud.

To the point whereby I took myself off PIP long before I was required to as I knew I had improved just enough to disqualify myself. THAT was an interesting conversation with the DWP, Bet they don't get them often.

Didn't it used to be more than 3 nights a week that was classed as some kind of threshold for benefits?

He's costing you money. He can't possibly be at your house most of the week and not be using anything or eating anything. Every flush of the toilet costs money if you're on a meter, every glass of water, every time he switches on a light, boils the kettle, staying up later to watch a film instead of getting an early night etc. Small things but it adds up. It didn't seem like I was paying out much for my ex to be here 2 nights a week until he wasn't around anymore. Bottles of Milk go further, as does bread, butter, juice, cheese.
He'd soon find it was costing him money if he had to buy his own food!
He's got the best set up going. Cushy deal at your place with food, drink, company and sex when he wants it and his own place should he want time alone. He offers to give you money knowing you won't accept it. Easy to appear fair or generous or decent when you know the other person won't take you up on your offer. He could hand you cash and no one would know. He's a high earner and you're being a mug. He's abusing your fear of being done for benefit fraud to take advantage.

@DtPeabodysLoosePants I don't know how many more ways I can try to explain that it's not the case that he is offering to contribute as a false promise. He is just not like that at all, He'd be generous to a fault if I let him.
To be fair, You don't know him, So I can understand you thinking the way you do going on 'words on a screen' but please stop saying he is abusing my anxious nature as I am finding it really upsetting and I can guarantee you I'm no mug.

And so said many a woman who later found out their partner's true nature. I'm sorry it's upsetting you, its just easier to spot from the outside and I hate to see anyone taking advantage of someone vulnerable due to past abuse. You might not see yourself as vulnerable, I didn't, but you are. Please just be careful

@DtPeabodysLoosePants I do appreciate your concern x

Single mother on benefits let’s high earner stay up to 6 nights a week and he doesn’t contribute a single penny.
I’m sure you can see why people are concerned.

Hi, seems some of the advice here is unwanted, you know what I mean .
I guess someone has unfairly reported you, ok, fine, you have nothing to hide.
If the DSS call you again, check it actually is them, usually it's a letter to go into an office.
However , you can tell them you feel harassed about this, and you know there is a People's Charter, which means you must be treated with fairness and respect.
Please don't people's opinions about your BF and how you want to spend the milk money so to speak , there is nothing quite like your own independence and not wanting to be beholden to a bloke is there.
Good luck :-)

So basically the taxpayers are paying (via the benefits you receive) for this high earner to live for free at your house up to 6 nights a week.

If it really is the case that he really doesn't contribute anything towards your finances then it again just highlights how overly generous the benefits system is for single parents. (Which anyone with a half a brain could already see anyway)