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Original poster

Anyone knowledgeable about benefit fraud rules re living together?

100 replies

HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 14:51

Or not as the case may be.

I received a call today as someone has reported me for benefit fraud.
I live with my 3 children and work part time, In receipt of universal credit (including housing element) and child benefit. This has been the case for the past 3 years.

Started a new relationship 2 years ago.
A year into the relationship, As I'd read various info on mumsnet and various other online sources about rules regarding having partners stay over I thought the best thing to do was call DWP and see exactly what the rules were.

The information I got was he could stay as many nights as I saw fit as long as we were not financially linked to one another.
I explained that he was here quite a lot (3-6 nights per week depending on how I was doing health-wise)
They told me this was fine and just to log the call on my UC journal online, Which I did.

We have continued as we are for the year since, I pay all my own bills and he pays his, He does not contribute financially to my home or upkeep of my children. He has his own rented property and is on the mortgage of his family home.

If we go on holiday, I pay for me and the kids, He pays for himself.

We do plan on moving in together eventually, But it's a huge decision and not something I want to rush.

Chatted about all of this with the lady from the DWP fraud team and whilst she says she is happy to close the case, If I had another complaint/report they may well investigate me for benefit fraud.

I was quite upset at this as I had taken steps to make sure everything I was doing was legit and above board and asked what I should change.
She said I should just be aware of how things 'looked' to others. It was all very strange and I felt I couldn't get any concrete answers to my questions.

I explained that I was in no way financially benefiting in my situation as I still pay all of my bills, Council Tax etc....If he even picks me up so much as a loaf of bread I bank transfer him the money with 'bread' as the reference so that I can prove I don't take a penny from him.

I feel now that I am being pressured to move in together before I am absolutely ready, As even if he stays less nights it would make no difference to my finances and possible fraud investigation if there were to be another complaint.

I'm not sure where to go from here.

Has anyone ever been through something similar?
Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 15:45

I understand where you are coming from @Pringlemunchers but if you heard our conversations about , He thinks it's ridiculous that I won't let him buy anything for the house or contribute at all, But the DWP said we aren't to be linked in any financial way so I have been sticking to that.
Possibly for nothing, But I stuck by what I was told to do.

OP posts:
Pringlemunchers · 05/06/2019 15:47

Does he take you out for dinner /dates and pay , to make up for it ?

ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 15:48

Regardless of what you do OP this has come about because of a spiteful person in your life, there is nothing to say it won't happen again because spiteful people can lie. You are right to consider moving in and merging finances the big difference and that hasn't happened here. Don't make that decision until you are sure.

Aside from that I hope he shows up with dinner every second visit from now on. That's just the respect and fairness of friendship. don't get caught out expecting any less in case of "how it looks".

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 15:49

I don't consider myself disadvantaged in the least.
Whilst I only work part-time, I'm on a pretty good rate of pay (which is deducted from the overall UC amount)
I can more than cover my bills and even have a bit of savings tucked away.

When we do eventually move in, He will be putting more than 6 times the amount I am into the household, Yet we will both have the same amount of disposable income, Access to funds etc

OP posts:
NoBaggyPants · 05/06/2019 15:51

You are financially linked because you're paying for him. You're covering the cost of his food, additional utilities, providing him with somewhere to sleep. That's no different to him providing those things for you.

Pringlemunchers · 05/06/2019 15:52

At the moment you are not disadvantaged , you have the safety net of benefits. Be careful , when they go, what will you have ?

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 15:52

@ScottishDoll Wouldn't him bringing home dinner be seen as 'contributing' though.

If he wants to bring in a chinese, I make us all troop over to his house to eat it. He thinks I'm a daftie, I think I'm protecting myself.

OP posts:
Pringlemunchers · 05/06/2019 15:54

The threads I have read before, seem to be the guy crowing about his high wage and not wanting to share

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 15:57

@Pringlemunchers Well, When I am no longer on benefits I will have the safety net of my savings and my wages should the shit hit the fan. Same as anyone else I suppose.

If we look to buy a house together eventually, We will get married first.

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Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:00

@NoBaggyPants I see where you are coming from, But I don't think that's what the DWP meant. More that as I am currently a benefit claimant I shouldn't be having my life/finances/lifestyle subsidised by him, As he doesn't claim any benefits I'm sure they are not worried about him benefiting financially.

OP posts:
ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 16:01

Who is watching your life on this microscopic level though?

I understand the need to protect yourself. I think if anyone else came over with chinese food it wouldn't cross your mind to worry. My friends come here to eat and we all chip in to cover the bill, it is exactly the same as going out. It doesn't on any level imply we all live together, it isn't fraud.

He is a boyfriend. He can visit as a guest whenever you say so, he doesn't live in your house, he has no rights in your house and anyone who is trying to suggest otherwise is unrealistic.

Pringlemunchers · 05/06/2019 16:02

So does he take you out on dates and treat you ?

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:04

I know @ScottishDoll, I think it is just me being super super cautious.

You are right, If my friends come over for a take-away, We all chip in and it doesn't even cross my mind whatsoever.
I am a panic merchant though.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:06

@Pringlemunchers Yes, Not very often as I have the children with me every weekend now but he'll treat us when we are out and about or on holiday as I deem that to be fine.
Poor bugger still can't pay for the bread and milk though :)

OP posts:
ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 05/06/2019 16:07

What's going on dates and being treated for to do with it surely the dwp allows a person to go on a bloody date!
If he proves he lives elsewhere with council tax and rental agreement and his outgoings support this then there shouldn't be a problem.
He's a boyfriend who doesn't support you or your dc financially

ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 16:10

Just stick with logic, he is your boyfriend, you go dutch on dates, he does not live with you because he has his own place and you aren't ready for that commitment yet.

The definition of dates changes a bit when you have children, less out for dinner and movie and more in for take out and netflix. The dutch premise is the same.

Assuming this is your spiteful ex and co add possible social services chat to your list of things that may crop up when you do marry this guy because that would be the obvious next attack. I assume your ex was/is a controlling arsehole?

Pringlemunchers · 05/06/2019 16:12

It's not got anything to do with that !!!! It has to do with her being taken advantage of , by living with her the majority of the time and not paying for his own portion of the up keep !!!

ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 16:17

Agreed he should be paying for himself, looking after himself and being generous given she is juggling parenthood too!

Just saying from the concern of fraud perspective, there is none!

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:18

@ScottishDoll social services already involved unfortunately, But by my hand, due to my youngest being attacked/traumatised by XH teenage stepson...This is where the spite has come from I fear.
That and the fact XH has to pay quite a bit in maintenance due to non-payment for over a year which I know makes him very angry indeed.

I say XH but I'm legally still married to the twerp, Hopefully not for long though.

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Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:22

I can totally understand the concern here @Pringlemunchers, I've seen enough blatant cocklodger threads here myself.
BF would move in here in a heartbeat and have his wages paid into my bank account.
It's me that is holding off until I feel ready.
I told him we would re-visit the 'moving-in' together talks once I was debt-free (I am now) and once divorce was final (still waiting for that)

OP posts:
ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 16:24

Well that sounds like you have had a crappy time of it but at least they know the situation already! You sound like you are doing an excellent job.

Get that divorce finalised and wash him out of your hair!

Don't be pushed to move in or marry again before you feel sure, if he is the one and it is a good relationship then time won't matter. You have dealt with enough nonsense, this complaint is just another bump in the road, spite's last resort.

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:27

However, We may just go for it and move in together and I can be free of benefits altogether.
Have been on benefits for just over 4 years now and it has been the biggest stress, Every time a brown envelope comes through the door I think ''what fresh hell is this?''
I wonder if me being reticent to move in is because I don't want people thinking I'm using him as a meal ticket. He is from a wealthy MC family and I'm a single Mum on benefits (well for the last 4 years anyway) and I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about it (he says it's not a chip, It's a bag of tatties)

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Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:27

Thanks @ScottishDoll

OP posts:
ScottishDoll · 05/06/2019 16:32

Sod the benefits, only move in with him if you want to be family and you think he will enrich your children's lives and yours immeasurably for ever and you are as certain as you can be that he will do right by you.

Raise the bar!

Original poster
HoneycombAndAJackass · 05/06/2019 16:36

I am as certain of that as it's possible to be, He is a definite keeper...The ONLY red flag is he is a bit messy.....but he sure can cook , Is fantastic with the children and loves the bones of me.

I just wanted to be divorced and debt-free before we moved in together, Maybe one out of two is okay.

He is coming round tonight and we'll have a chat.

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