Can I ask how much rent you'd charge in this case?

[justliketheones]

Will try to be as objective as possible and not give away which party I am.

Grown up DS& his wife and one DC. They have a combined income of about £1600. One room, free access to bathroom (when free of course) and kitchen, they have access to things such as milk/bread/if there are crisps/fruit etc but also replace those when they run out. Grown up DD charged nothing to stay although she may start uni in September (not doing anything right now, weekend job). So the money would be to cover extra heating/hot water/ (there's no water bill, just for hot water)/use of room/ some food but anything specific they have to buy/ electricity. Both shower every other day (about 10mins each), DC has small bath every night and of course there's extra washing/toiletries etc. How much a month would you ask for? They pay about £650 in personal bills eg phones, netflix (which everyone has access to) and they pay for the broadband/tv channels/WiFi for the house.

merri because she's supposed to be their mother not a landlord. She's profiting from her own son, DIL and grandchild.

I don't get why people are talking about average market rents and all that

What sort of relationships do people have with their family in which they treat them like clients instead of loved ones?

I wouldn't expect to be out of pocket, I would want money to cover any additional spending, but I wouldn't make profit from my own family. If I wanted to do that I would rent the room out to some random.

We lived with my in laws for 3 months when we were between houses. We paid £100 per week. We also did buy food in too.

I agree I think that is steep. £400 is too much.

Sounds like she doesn't want you there. If you ARE paying the 450 a month, presumably you will stop providing Netflix/Amazonetc at least?

I wouldn’t necessarily want to make money from family, but equally I wouldn’t expect my living costs to stay the same or go up whilst the family who moved in were being left with large amounts of disposable income at the end of the month. If the MIL doesn’t charge any rent then the OP is being left with around £950 every month just to spend on food/ toiletries. I would feel annoyed if I was hosting family long term in my home and they were living a lifestyle which allowed them to save for holidays and eat out and go on nice trips etc whilst I was left without any money for luxuries at the end of each month.

Obviously without knowing more about the OP and MIL’s situations it’s hard to judge whether this is the case. Maybe MIL is stinking rich and has no use for that £450 a month but maybe she is not left with any disposable income at the end of the month. Maybe OP and her partner have genuine reasons as to why neither is in full time work or maybe they are happy to have plenty of time off and have living costs subsidised by hard-working family. If the MIL isn’t a high earner herself or perceives it that she’s having to work full time to subsidise her DS & DILs lifestyles then it seems fair that she charges £100 a week to OP to help cover costs incurred by having 3 extra people in the house and also reduce her own outgoings so that she too can be left with some disposable income.

At the end of the day if OP doesn’t like what they’re left with at the end of the month they either need to look for somewhere cheaper, look for full-time work or look at where they can reduce outgoings (Eg: if they’re spending several hundred pounds on expenses such as phone contracts and broadband then they either need to downgrade their phones or look for better deals).

I wouldn’t necessarily want to make money from family, but equally I wouldn’t expect my living costs to stay the same or go up whilst the family who moved in were being left with large amounts of disposable income at the end of the month

If you don't want them to stay the same then surely that means profiting from them?

And why wouldn't you just be happy for them to be able to have this opportunity - as your loved ones - to be able to get on the housing ladder and get a good start in life? Instead of this 'oh well if they're benefiting so should I!'

I'm not a very selfless person but I don't see why people aren't more willing to help close family out without it being of immediate benefit. maybe it's a cultural thing I dunno.

I not a very selfless person but I don't see why people aren't more willing to help close family out without it being of immediate benefit. maybe it's a cultural thing I dunno.

Surely the reverse is also true though? Why does OP get to live more or less rent free with a large disposable income whilst her MIL may well be struggling. Why shouldn't she be more willing to "help close family out". That way the entire family would benefit - more income for MIL and lower than market rent for OP.

Yikes, oh and I moved into my parents house when we moved back to my home city. I was there for 1 year then oh joined me the following year once he had a job and we stayed for another year. My wee mum only charged us £100 per month! We bought our own food but she would include us in the dinner she made most nights. She said her bills weren't much different and she wanted us to use our money to fund our own property which we saved for, bought and renovated while living with her. She was definitely sick of the sight of us by the time we left but was glad she could help.

It isn't exactly disposable if it needs to be saved to enable them to get their own place.

I do agree with you to some extent but we don't know the MILs circumstances. If shes struggling to pay the bills it stands to reason to help out but I'm not sure that's the case. Either way, about 350 of that 450 would be profit wouldn't it? That's a lot of money. Too much to take from your kids trying to sort their lives out like you once did, in a time when it was much cheaper to do so.

And if I'm being a bit mean, it may be that in the future she's very reliant on her family as her health declines with age so kindness could be repaid if they leave on good terms.

You just posted

I don't see why people aren't more willing to help close family out without it being of immediate benefit. maybe it's a cultural thing I dunno.

And now you're suggesting that if OP's MIL doesn't let them live rent free now they should refuse to help her out in old age?

Nowhere did I say they should refuse so don't put words in my mouth to create an argument against me. I'm saying that kindness is returned in ways we don't always consider so people shouldn't just think about things in the moment.

And if I'm being a bit mean, it may be that in the future she's very reliant on her family as her health declines with age so kindness could be repaid if they leave on good terms.

I'm not putting words in your mouth, you yourself suggested you were "being a bit mean". Sorry if I took that at face value

Being a bit mean by bringing up her possible declining health in old age, not suggesting they should deny her help

If i had meant what you thought i did it would be more than a bit mean

I’ve moved back home after having a baby. I pay £200 a month. My parents use my Netflix- but I use their prime.

I think suggesting a parent should have to trade free accommodation for help in her old age is pretty mean, yes. I'm sorry you don't like how I've paraphrased your point but that's what "kindness could be repaid" boils down to.

I can understand helping getting on the housing ladder so only taking a token amount however there are two adults with a family and working not many hours between them. On top of that there's a ,or if unnecessary spending. MIL may not want to indulge them any further by giving them free or little rent.

I've told you that's not what I meant at all but if you're happy to twist what I've said to win an argument then that says a lot about you doesn't it.

MIL thinks she might not be getting anything out of the arrangement and thinks she needs to profit from it. I'm saying that there's situations in which she may need help and OP wouldn't profit from that either but that's what families do, help each other. I'm not saying MIL needs to make some sort of deal of 'if you take care of me in old age I'll let you stay'

I'm not trying to win an argument I just found how some of your views co-exist somewhat confusing.

You seem to have a somewhat transactional view of familial kindnesses being "repaid" that I don't share. I'm not sure why that sort of repayment is particularly morally superior to just expecting your payment in cash.

I'm the one who's transactional when you think it's perfectly okay to make a 300 quid profit off your kid lol.

I'm saying families help each other out in all different ways and aren't considering the ways they'll help each other out in the future. Instead they're money grabbing.

Yes but if you're being transactional why not just admit it and use cash, rather than bleating on about familial kindness when actually you fully expect a quid pro quo for your "kindness".

Why is the MIL money grabbing when the DIL is the one who is expecting to live rent free?