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Original poster

Am I wrong? (Savings account from grandma)

52 replies

Gemisagem12 · 31/03/2019 18:42

I’m gonna cut a really long story short I have 3 children, my 2 elder girls who don’t see their dad and my youngest boy who’s dad stays on weekends (he lives 100 miles away and has work commitments, we are not together and I moved back to my home in July last year becuase id had enough of his family)
ANYWAY
I haven’t spoke to any of his family since, and hardly did while I was there, they left me completely on my own for 2 years raising 3 kids, and now out of the blue my exes grandma wants to open a savings account for my youngest lad (I already have 3 future saver accounts olen for them and have gave them the details) so she’s been pestering for his birth certificate to open one but I’ve said straight no.
The reason being is because I don’t want them to turn up on 15 years wirh however much for him and my 2 girls absolutely nothing, my ex said I’m
Being unfair on him but I’ve alreasy said I have 3 children not one and they all get treated the same in my
Eyes and I won’t allow any of them to be treated differently ,
What’s your opinion? Am I right? Am I wrong? Am
I being unfair?
Baring in mind this is a family that promised to be there for me and my girls but when I fell down the stairs heavily pregnant holding my child and started bleeding they were too busy putting up a Christmas tree to come and help and I wasn’t even checked until 24 hours after the fall, maybe I’m bitter, they left my girls out at every chance, no Christmas cards, no birthday cards, but my boy got a party three behind my
Back ... what do you guys think?

OP posts:
Youngandfree · 31/03/2019 18:46

So you have 2 exes? One who fathered the two girls and one who fathered the boy? Whose grandma is it??

JustHereForThePooStories · 31/03/2019 18:47

Issues with them aside, you can’t dictate what they do with their money and, at the end of the day, they’re only related to your son and not your daughters so I can see why they focus on him.

You do, however, get to have nothing to do with it so don’t need to give them his birth cert or any other info.

In the future, you won’t be able to control what is given to your son but not your daughters, and vice versa. There may be gifts or even inheritances that goes to one, but not the others.

Knittedfairies · 31/03/2019 18:49

Under those circumstances I'd say no too. There would be nothing to stop her opening an account in her name to save for her grandson. I'd be more concerned about handing over the birth certificate to be honest.

Original poster
Gemisagem12 · 31/03/2019 18:54

Thanks guys, should I be worried about giving his birth certificate to them? What could they do with it?

OP posts:
Peterpiperpickedwrong · 31/03/2019 18:58

I wouldn’t hand over birth certificate I would just say if she wants to put money in for him then she needs to put it in the account he already has.

I get that you want all the children treated the same but the grandma is no relation to your older kids and it means he will miss out on the cash gift she wants to give him if you refuse the money because of that.

It’s not your sons fault the older girls don’t have the same dad as him so it’s a shame for him to miss out.

Littleduckeggblue · 31/03/2019 18:58

I think you should let them. It's not his fault that the two girls have different Dads to him.
That money could go towards university, a house or a car.

Drum2018 · 31/03/2019 18:58

If she wants the birth Cert she can order it online. It's a public record. I think you are being unreasonable denying your son money in the future simply because your dds don't have a generous grandma who would do the same for them. If the grandma turns up in 18 years and hands him £5000 that she has saved, there's not much you can do about it and it's not like he'd have to share it with his sisters. In the same way, if your dd's paternal family give them money or left an inheritance, it would be for them and not your Ds.

Skincaresos · 31/03/2019 18:59

But surely the grandma could just leave your DS an inheritance instead? You wouldn't be able to stop that and it would all have to be kept for DS not shared? I don't think you can stop them saving money for him, why should he be punished because your DDs' family are not doing the same for them?

AllAboutHallowsEve · 31/03/2019 19:00

I don't think she owes any financial responsibility to your girls if she's technically only the biological grandmother to your youngest son. So in that respect I think you are being unfair.

However, given her previous lack of concern for you and your children I would tread carefully. Perhaps suggest your ex partner opens an account for your son and gives the details to his mother?

I do understand how unfair it must feel though, to have two other children left out.

Original poster
Gemisagem12 · 31/03/2019 19:17

Yeah the girls have a different dad, he isn’t in their life anymore and hasn’t been in touch for 3 years, our second girl hasn’t even met him

OP posts:
Youngandfree · 31/03/2019 19:17

I think you are biting off your nose to spite your face here. She has no obligation to your girls. And she is just looking to set up your son a little bit...no harm in that?!?
I would let her.

OKBobble · 31/03/2019 19:25

YABU.

DrDreReturns · 31/03/2019 19:49

Sorry but I think you're wrong.

anniehm · 31/03/2019 19:56

Whilst they don't sound like nice people, wanting to give money only to their biological grandchild is not unreasonable, just a bit mean spirited. you say you are no longer together with his father too but he stays, unusual but this could be a factor .

Babyroobs · 31/03/2019 21:00

I think you are being very unreasonable denying money to your son that his biological grandparent wants to save for him. Obviously they aren't going to do the same for your dd's unless they have a particularly strong relationship with them.

Sitdownstandup · 31/03/2019 21:52

Birth certificates are public documents anyway. If she wants one, assuming she knows your childs date of birth and the area they were born, she can get one. There's nothing you can do about that so I wouldn't waste energy worrying about it.

mclaleli · 31/03/2019 21:54

O think it would be awful of you to deprive your son in this way. The girls have a different family and that's ok, but don't have your son miss out on something because of your relationships.

NoTNoShade · 31/03/2019 21:58

I’d say ‘thank you, that’s lovely ‘ and give her the details of the account you have opened for him already.

You might have been able to say she should treat them equally if you were still in a relationship with her son and she was coming to visit or whatever. I would say something if she brought him a tube of smarties and not your girls. But this is different. It’s for his future.

Shmithecat2 · 31/03/2019 22:00

If you were still with the father of your ds, then I'd say YAB a bit U but understandably so. But you're not even with him and still expect his family to treat your eldest two the same? YABVU. And you're also BU to deny your ds the money they want to save for him.

Prisonbreak · 31/03/2019 22:01

I think YABU.
I understand from your side they are all the same as they all came from you however they have different fathers so one should not suffer for the sake of another through no fault of their own

spinn · 31/03/2019 22:04

I'd open an account for all 3 kids and provide the bank details for transfers for all 3 and leave them to it. If they choose to only pay into one that's their choice but you have control of the accounts at least.

You could open standard instant access savers or the replacement to the child trust fund (jisa I think?) which can only be accessed by the child at 18.

I'd then be providing same information to any of the girls relatives who might ask too.

mclaleli · 31/03/2019 22:07

I'd open an account for all 3 kids and provide the bank details for transfers for all 3 and leave them to it

Please don't do this. Only a CF would do this

Sitdownstandup · 31/03/2019 22:07

Yeah, don't do that.

LuluBellaBlue · 31/03/2019 22:11

YABU why should they treat your other children the same they treat their grandson? Your children are no relation to the grandmum!

Love51 · 31/03/2019 22:13

Ok. Picture your son at 18 and your dds at whatever age they would be at the same time. Imagine explaining that you would love to help out financially but can't, and then explaining why. If you are ok with that, then you may be able to live with the course of action you have suggested. Obviously imagine the other way 'son's gran left him some money' girls 'lovely, is it enough to buy a car?'
My bias is obvious. I think you and I may not view the world the same because you say your son's family left you alone with 3 kids - they won't see the first two as their responsibility. They would presume from the eldest two that you are an experienced and capable parent, raising 3 kids including their grandchild, with their son.