Drowning in debt? Don't know how to get out? You are not alone. Come and share and find a way through ....

[Talkinpeece]

This thread is loosely linked to several previous ones on the same topic.

We live in a society that makes it horribly easy to get into debt but makes it incredibly hard to admit you have a problem and even harder to get out of debt.
Everybody is welcome to share problems, ideas, solutions, but not be judgemental please

I am not in debt, any more.
Here is a link to some spreadsheets that might help explain how
SPREADSHEETS-for-Debt-Control-Budgeting-Mortgages-etc

and lots of people use this
YouNeedABudget

The important things to remember are

• yesterday is as past as the Crimean War

( we will not judge how you got into debt, but we will support you on the way out )

• this is an anonymous forum

( we will not tell your employer, family or friends of the reality of your numbers and we are here day and night )

• this thread is about supporting people through the huge mindset changes needed to come out of debt

( feel free to offload all of the feelings that drive you to want to spend, that make it hard to save and that generally make life crap at times, including getting those closest to you to recognise the changes needed )

Join in, bare your soul and come out the other end.
Its worth it.
You are worth it
The long term results for you, your partner, your children, and your friends and family are worth it.

Hi there @OutofDenial
Welcome. Pull up a chair, sit down and tell us what you can and we'll find a way through it with you.

Just had my insurance renual through its more than doubled and I just can't afford it!! We've spoken to the insurer they've said the other company is holding us liable but offering them no evidence so ours has re sent all of our evidence and asked for theirs. They've said worst case scenario is split responsibility and they're fighting that but in the meantime we are out our excess and about £35 a month they say we should get refunded all of this once its sorted as they're pretty confident that we will end up no fault but in the mean time I'm stuffed on the positive side my cards have already shown up and I've replaced the Christmas money I used.

Hi there Onescared
Will they allow you an installment plan so that you pay it in stages and if it gets sorted then lots of it drops away?

Cards : glad it was that quick.

They seem to be pretty unbudging on anything which is irritating I'm just going to have to cut the food budget to the bone again we've been spending £70-£80 a week this week was £100 as I had extra stuff we needed but I can manage on £50-£60 it just gets quite dull but hopefully it won't be long and as it should all get refunded I think I just have to suck it up and deal with it for a few months I'm just frustrated at the whole situation it feels like everytime I get my feet under me they get kicked out again. I'm guessing this is normal in this situation though as everything being on a tight budget everything that would be a small issue becomes a big one.

Onescared
Yup, every bump in the road hurts more without a cushion.
Once you have a cushion they are still there but you are less bothered by them.

I honestly don’t know where to start, I’m feeling so desperate now that the top of the crane nearby looked like an option.

I’m in thousands of pounds of debt and I can’t see a way out. I’ve just done the step change online tool and it recommended bankruptcy which just seems so extreme and has so many other implications but I honestly don’t know what to do. My husband knows I have debt but not the extent of and how much I’m struggling. My children deserve so much more than me. I would never do anything stupid because I know that they need me but I just can’t see a way out.

Not even sure why I’m posting really, you all jst seemed like you’d get it.

Happiness are you OK? My DH was where you are bankruptcy was not recommended but an IVA was we have gone against that but are managing OK on a DMP. Could they start you on that to see how things look it would get the interest Frozen and let you get your feet back under you while you try and figure out the next step.
I was coming on to report good news the other insurance company have accepted full liability and I am getting my excess back and its going to be sorted before my insurance goes up in February so that won't happen either! Although we have decided to protect our no claims so the insurance will go up a bit.

Thankyou for replying, I’m ok, jst feeling very despondent i suppose, I think I’ve jst been burying my head for so long that I’ve had a reality check and realised I can’t go on like this. Crippling childcare costs and wanting to give my children a happy childhood have brought me to this point and now I don’t know how to get out.

My husband is great and would be horrrfied if he knew I was feeling this way but I don’t want to burden him.

When I put my details into the step change tool, it said that a DMP wasn’t suitable as it would take too long to pay off, I’m also terrified that it isn’t a formal arrangement, and I would end up with bailiffs at my door and I couldn’t cope with that. When I changed the budget figures slightly on step change it did say an IVA the second time around, does anyone know much about these that could give me some more info?

Basically it is a formal agreement with your creditors you will pay so much they will take all your incominngs and outgoings into account whatever is left pays off the debt for 5 years its incredibly tight and strict. If at the end of the 5 years you can remortgage your house and settle the debt you do so if not you pay for a further year whatever is left at the end of last year is written off. Not sure that is exact I'm sure I'll have gotten something wrong as I was very stressed when I was having it explained to me. Our DMP is for 12 years which I'm horrified about however I think we should be able to sort it out in 4-5 years as DH can work overtime and when DS is in nursery I'm going to be looking at retraining and working.

Hi there happiness
You have come to the right place.
What do you owe and to who. Type it all down and we'll find a way

Thankyou, I’m so grateful you’re replying

At the minute I’m jst about getting through the month, I’m paying my card then using what’s available to get me through to the next pay day so never actually clearing it. I’ve made the payments every month and never missed one so that’s a positive but I jst don’t see how I can carry on like this.

My youngest gets his 30hours later this year so that will help but at the minute I’m working every weekend to minimise childcare costs as DH works mon-fri so I was hoping to work less weekend and put her in nursery another day so we had some time actually as a family but then that would mean more in breakfast and after school costs for my eldest.

Roughly I currently have £1300 coming in and I’m paying out

£240 cc
£140 cc
£130 cc
£130 cc
£85 cc
Then about £35 in overdraft charges
So that’s £760 in debt payments I think then nursery is £360 am month and school care is £120 a month. My husband pays all the mortgage and utilities.

Sorry food is meant to be one of my bills so I’m using my cards to pay for that.

The house is in my husbands name only, he had it before we met and when he remortgaged I was honest and said my credit rating was bad and I didn’t want that to jeopardise the rate he got.

My overall debt is about £23000

happiness
Okidokee.
Sit down and prepare to smile.
They are all credit cards. You are already hitting the minimum payments on each.
You will be debt free before your little one finishes Year R

Standing order time
For EACH of the cards, look what you paid them this month on the direct debit.
Round each of the amounts up to the nearest pound
so £12.35 becomes £13.00
and set up a standing order from your bank to the credit card for that amount.
Make it come out three days before the normal payment

and CANCEL all of the direct debits
or you'd end up paying double

Now that the cards will clear themselves in about two years
focus on the overdraft ...
have you got any tat you can sell on facebay to declutter and get rid of some bits?

Come June - when 25% of the debt is gone
you need to come clean to your DH and explain how and why.
And start to find ways to amuse your kids that are much cheaper
(multiple posts on this in recent months on the various debt threads)

but
it will be OK

Thankyou so much for your support, I’m feeling a bit more positive than I was earlier. My kids don’t need stuff, they need me and they need me to be on form and happy mummy. We baked a cake this afternoon and my eldest was so happy and telling me all about how “this was like maths at school” when we were weighing the ingredients. I just need to get through the next few months till some cash frees up from nursery fees then I will be able to breathe a bit and get focussed on clearing it off.
I don’t drink or smoke and don’t go anywhere, I think I use food as my “treat” so I need to stop that.

happiness
My kids don’t need stuff, they need me and they need me to be on form and happy mummy
THIS
Get the cards on standing order and life will get better

Hi ladies I'm having a bit of a conundrum today. I'm seriously considering selling our house and moving. My dd1s behaviour has gotten terrible over the last couple of months we've done a lot of investigating in to what is going on and she's being bullied by the other girls in her class. I've known for a while they don't play nicely with her as she is always with the boys I had thought though that it was her choice it turns out they won't play with her and are quiet awful to her now I'm heartbroken for her. We could sell this house clear all our debt and have at least a 10% deposit on a much bigger house in a much better area only an hour away from our family DH could do the same job as his force has a station 25 minutes from where we're looking at. (commute is 20 minutes from here at the moment so no real difference.) DH also has been suffering awfully with his back for 2 years (I suffer 2 but just muscular problems) he has been diagnosed with problems in his joints and potentially the start of osteoarthritis he's 32!! It really seems like the best thing for all of us would be to just return to the North East. My dad thinks it would be a mistake as the children will have more opportunities in the south. It also feels like running away instead of facing our problems. I have some lovely friends here that I don't want to loose so I really just don't know what to do. It's been a hard day having all 3 alone for the 4th Saturday in a row Ive snapped at them because my patience is just gone and now I feel crap.

How old are your children?

I honestly don’t know what I would do in your position, the thought of a fresh start sounds appealing to me, plus it would alleviate any tensions between you and DH as the money problem would go away, but it’s a massive deal to totally uproot your family and leave all your friends behind. I’m sure though that you’ll make new friends and if you wanted to you could make the effort on both sides with existing friends to stay in touch.
The biggest thing for me would be the children being unhappy and the thought of them going into school everyday and being sad would break my heart. Although there are more opportunities in the south, up north isn’t the back end of beyond, we even have Waitrose up here now!
I’m in a similar position with my eldest, he loves traditional “girly” toys, I worry about him at school because he says no one plays with him and he doesn’t like the games everyone else is playing but ultimately doesn’t seem bothered by it at the moment, doesn’t stop me worrying and fretting about him.

And don’t feel crap for snapping, it’s bloody hard being a parent! Since my meltdown the other day I’m consciously trying to be a more patient mum and enjoy my time with them, they adore me and even forgive me when I do snap, they made jelly today while I was working and were so proud to give it to me as my desert after tea because they’d made it themselves. What I’m trying to say is I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to create this amazing childhood and actually it doesn’t matter, they jst want to spend time with us

Happiness your DCs sound adorable!! I think I need to take a leaf out of your book.
Mine are 6,4 and 1 I have to admit I feel the North calling me both me and DH are northern (we're smoggies) we moved south as we both finished uni the year of the banking crash so job opportunities were quite limited we both agreed to take the first decent paying job that came up and the other would go with them. So we've uprooted before however that was before we had kids to think about so it was much easier. The kids want to stay here as they've never known anything else. But I can't stop looking at the 4 bedroom detached house with a massive garden we could easily afford and be paying around £150 less a month on rent and mortgage (we only own 40% of our house with shared ownership). We massively underestimated how much more expensive things are here especially as the town we are in has a direct train to London taking just about an hour so it masivly pushes up the house prices in the area we're paying a fortune(£1000 per month) to live in a rubbish area.

I live in the north west, I was in London in less than three hours for work a few weeks ago, I can be in Manchester in half an hour, it’s not as isolated as maybe it once was. The opportunities aren’t as great but the quality of life is good and you will find it much cheaper, where I am you could rent a four bed with garden for about £650 a month.
Your children are young enough to adapt and if you’ll be nearer to family that will be more support for you all and more people to help. Mine are nearly 6 and nearly 3 and just so much fun, I keep reminding myself this!

One of DD's Uni friends lives outside Durham.
Her dad commutes to London for three days a week on the fast train.
THe house and lifestyle they have is worth every minute in their view

If you have an option to be debt free, reduced stress and have a forever home
and then once life settles down have the ability to travel and give your kids emotional capital
grab it with both hands

We're having deep discussions at the moment we're giving ourselves until the end of this school year to decide dd is a July baby so although she's only 6 she will be going into year 3 this year we always said we would never move her once she had settled at a school so it's a big decision for us. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see the right thing to do for them as all I want is to give them the best chance they can have!

We’re all just winging it, I wish I had my shit together but I don’t even feel like a proper grown up half the time, probably half the reason for my current situation!

me neither happiness I keep waiting to feel.grown up but I still feel like a kid playing mums nd dad's