HELP! Big life decision - choice between lives

[terribledecisionmaker]

I'm at a bit of a cross roads. We're leaving London to move to a town some way away. We both to have family there and friends so it's a good move. We have a decent amount of equity in our London house so we're in a very fortunate position and can afford to live in a really nice area near good schools. DH has got a transfer with work to a city an hours commute away. I work from home (with a three day a week commute to the same city).

Here's the dilemma.

House 1 - a very ugly, 3 bed house that needs a huge amount of work. It's on a scrappy, ugly street. But we could afford to do a big extension and make it look pretty great. And it has a huge garden. And we could do all this and not have a mortgage which means I could probably stay at home with the DCs. (We have 2 who are 3 and 9 months). Be there after school etc as they get older. Maybe do a bit of freelancing if I want to but no pressure. DH could even drop a day at week and be at home more.

House 2 - Seriously amazing 4 bed massive beautiful house. With a tiny garden. In the best area and most beautiful street. (About a 10 minute walk from the other house). But we'd need to get a big mortgage. We can afford it but I'd have to continue working an hours commute away 3 days a week. It's in the same school catchment area as house 1 (but slightly further walk).

I realise I'm in a fortunate position. And I know it's all personal preference, but I'd be interested to hear others experiences if you've had this kind of choice and whether you feel you made the right one.

Here are my quandaries:

I don't love work. It's not a career I enjoy. It's occasionally ok but mostly I spend my time there looking forward to getting home.

Brexit etc - bit scary to get a big mortgage

Will I always feel disappointed in the smaller house? It is a bit of a depressing looking street.

Will the massive house end up costing us a fortune in heating/maintenance etc

If we get the smaller house we'll be able to afford some seriously lovely furniture etc.

Will I be bored at home once the kids are bigger. End up working again anyway and wishing we'd stretched ourselves.

Really interested to hear what you'd do in this situation. Or your experiences of buying a wreck(!), being mortgage free or pushing yourselves to get the amazing home.

Thanks!

I'd go with option 1 but only because I am quite cautious and the idea of not having a mortgage really appeals to me. I also prefer to be out and about so again would rather have more money to do activities then sit in a beautiful house. If you do get bored and go back to work then you wouldn't enjoy the amazing house anyway as you would largely not be there!

Option one, as long as the street isn't dangerous / high levels of crime? You have the budget to make yourself your dream home, mortgage free, and to stay at home with your children if you choose. To me it would be a no brainer.

Does it have to be one if these two? It feels like there might be something in between?

I think I’d try and find something in between the two, tbh - they’re both pretty extreme choices.
Can’t you find somewhere that’s maybe not such a great area but has a decent sized garden and is in reasonable condition, while remaining mortgage free or with a v small mortgage ? That’s what I would do.

As for work, if you want to stay at home for a bit then why not, while the kids are young, but I don’t think you need to make a longer term decision - just see how it goes.

My other advice would be - don’t underestimate the stress of a doer-upper, especially with small children. It will take twice as long and be twice as expensive as your initial estimate !

Option 1 but check with the council an extension would be allowed.

Can you go any snooping and find out what the neighbours are like, in both streets? I would recommend visiting the street and sitting in the car @ 10/11 pm on a Friday and Saturday night, to see if there’s loud music or parties. It’ll also give you an idea what the street’s like.

Definitely not House 1. No way. You could renovate but you can never change the location.

Maybe House 2. I don’t see the big problem with getting a mortgage tbh. It’s an investment and you will be increasing your equity for future house moves or retirement or your children’s inheritance. If you don’t have a mortgage to pay you can save/invest money but you’re unlikely to get a good return on that investment. If at some point in the future you can no longer afford the mortgage, you can either remortgage (if possible) or sell and downsize.

I read some advice once which was to buy the best house you can afford, which makes sense to me. It’s where you live, it will make you happy every day.

With two growing children you will appreciate the space in the bigger house. And I would prefer a small garden tbh, less maintenance! If there are parks nearby you can just take the children to the park when they want more space.

However if House 2 is too much of a stretch, keep looking.

PS

“Will I always feel disappointed in the smaller house? It is a bit of a depressing looking street.”
Yes. No amount of lovely furniture will make up for the depressing street.

“Will I be bored at home once the kids are bigger.”
Probably. It depends on your personality of course, being a SAHP suits some people and not others. I am biased as I know I’d hate it. I am happily part time and will increase my hours when DS starts school. Is there any chance you could work part time? Could be a good compromise?

Personally option 1, the area could improve over time and you could really make it your own.

I’d go house 3. Not as expensive as house 2 but nicer than house 1.

But if it’s a straight choice of 1 or 2 I’d go 1.

Neither!!!

Cheaper/smaller house on a good street. You don't want the best house on a scrappy/rubbish street.

I'd go for a different house but aim for no mortgage. I'd do it up, take time off with my children then go back to work part-time.

Can you tell us the area and your maximum budget? We can all scour RightMove for you!

Option 1 absolutely- to not have the pressure of a big mortgage when you have young children is a really lucky position to be in and will mean you can choose when and how to go back to work, especially if it's in the same school catchment area

I would go for 1, you can change a lot about a house but you can’t chdnge the size of a garden , your kids will get years of enjoyment out of a big garden - trampoline, football posts, playhouse. Quite often once your in your house unless it’s a particularly rough/loud area are you really going to be massively aware what the street outside is like ? Maybe not

As someone who is midway through another house renovation, don't do option 1! We bought a house 3 years ago, busy street, village location (hence the cheap price) and a house that needed a lot of work to suit our needs but meant a small mortgage for us. House still not finished, nearly financially broke us and our marriage and we hate it. I wouldn't jump at Option 2 but go for it over the 1st any day. Can you not find something in between?

I'd go for option 1 - it would enable you to to live mortgage free for now and be a SAHM if you want to, and you can also add value to it if you're planning to do it up and extend. Then if you wanted to move into the more expensive area at a later date you'd make money on house 1, perhaps requiring less of a mortgage for something like option 2 (and by that point you may have got to the point where being at home isn't enough and you are happy to go back to work to contribute towards a mortgage).

If these are your only options I'd definitely go for the beautiful and bigger house despite the big mortgage. If things don't go as you hope, it'll be much easier to sell on.

Keep looking. It’s a buyers’ market. But if you’re running out of time, see if you can stretch to house 2.

If you feel comfortable in your home and surroundings you will be happier and make better choices. You may find other work which suits you better. If you are without a job because you don’t need it, yet in a depressing location, AND with a lot of fixing up to do, this could prove a lot more stressful than it first appears.

Here’s something else. You clearly don’t like House 1: my guess is it just seems a rational choice. Don’t buy a house you don’t like!

I’d go for neither, there must be somewhere in between .

And don’t give up your job, that’s a very risky plan for you and your children .

There is going to be a happy medium. I strongly suggest 4 beds as a target, before you know it they will need a lot of room, plus it gives you space for a home office. Massive extensions are really hard to live through the construction, with overruns, delays, unexpected complications it's so stressful. Try and buy somewhere which is suitable without renovations for at least 12 months, you need time to get the plans right - seriously, I made mistakes rushing to finish. Finally draw up a must have list, this is a forever home so get it right. Oh and on the mortgage front, I set myself a guide of three times his income as our max, meant we could afford a future proof home but weren't mortgaged too much, we too could have bought 3 bed outright but I'm sitting in my extension of my detached 5 bed - it's quiet because everyone has space.

Bit longer than planned! Good luck

I’d keep looking tbh - and go for something in between. I may reconsider if I could afford to rent whilst renovating and move in when it’s all done. But if the street is shabby, then that may be something that will slowly annoy you more and more over time (like the time I rented a flat with no storage space!)

Neither of them sound right for you. Surely there will be something in the middle. Keep looking. If you’re worried about prices dropping in London with Brexit sell and rent for a bit in the same catchment area.