HELP! Big life decision - choice between lives

[terribledecisionmaker]

I'm at a bit of a cross roads. We're leaving London to move to a town some way away. We both to have family there and friends so it's a good move. We have a decent amount of equity in our London house so we're in a very fortunate position and can afford to live in a really nice area near good schools. DH has got a transfer with work to a city an hours commute away. I work from home (with a three day a week commute to the same city).

Here's the dilemma.

House 1 - a very ugly, 3 bed house that needs a huge amount of work. It's on a scrappy, ugly street. But we could afford to do a big extension and make it look pretty great. And it has a huge garden. And we could do all this and not have a mortgage which means I could probably stay at home with the DCs. (We have 2 who are 3 and 9 months). Be there after school etc as they get older. Maybe do a bit of freelancing if I want to but no pressure. DH could even drop a day at week and be at home more.

House 2 - Seriously amazing 4 bed massive beautiful house. With a tiny garden. In the best area and most beautiful street. (About a 10 minute walk from the other house). But we'd need to get a big mortgage. We can afford it but I'd have to continue working an hours commute away 3 days a week. It's in the same school catchment area as house 1 (but slightly further walk).

I realise I'm in a fortunate position. And I know it's all personal preference, but I'd be interested to hear others experiences if you've had this kind of choice and whether you feel you made the right one.

Here are my quandaries:

I don't love work. It's not a career I enjoy. It's occasionally ok but mostly I spend my time there looking forward to getting home.

Brexit etc - bit scary to get a big mortgage

Will I always feel disappointed in the smaller house? It is a bit of a depressing looking street.

Will the massive house end up costing us a fortune in heating/maintenance etc

If we get the smaller house we'll be able to afford some seriously lovely furniture etc.

Will I be bored at home once the kids are bigger. End up working again anyway and wishing we'd stretched ourselves.

Really interested to hear what you'd do in this situation. Or your experiences of buying a wreck(!), being mortgage free or pushing yourselves to get the amazing home.

Thanks!

I'd be thinking about schools - and the fact that option 2 is further from the school would worry me. Are you sure that you'd still get a place?
Catchments can, and do, shrink.

I'd also think about secondary schools. I know it seems like a long time away, but it really isn't. In 7 years time or so you'll be applying. I'd want the best shot at a good secondary. And yes, I know schools change. But I'd still take this into account. I actually think this is more important than the right primary.

I don't know. Through immense luck we were able to pay off our mortgage when the children were young. We have average jobs with average incomes and average lifestyles. I cannot over estimate the difference that has made in our lives - the security of knowing that no matter what we had a roof over our heads, the choices that gave us, never dreading letters from school about school trips and residentials, not living on hot dog sausages and baked beans in the month when they all needed school shoes and coats. And when the time came to move (and downsize) not having to subtract a huge amount of money from our budget - what was ours was ours, and it made our choices much easier.
But we became mortgage free in a house that already suited us perfectly, that we would have stayed in for a number of further years anyway.

Also, if you are all moving to a new area, being near the school could be fundamental to the DC's social lives (and your own if you cut down on work). After school stuff, play dates and pop-ins, coffees after drop-off with potential friends, attendance at school fetes etc. All much easier when you don't have too much travel time.

You must have a very lavish lifestyle/lot of debt if you're worried about a mortgage of £800 on £3,500 take home...

I wouldn’t do either to be honest. I wouldn’t think it would be a wise investment to create the best house on a not do good street and the small garden would put me off the second one. You’ve been used to a high joint income and I think the shock of halving it if you have up could be quite significant.i wouldn’t move and quit in parallel. If maybe move and keep your job until you’re settled and know you like it (and live off your husband’s salary where possible) and then see how everything is working out.

What Random said ^^

Are your sums/figures right? If your DH takes home £3,500 without your salary then if you move & don’t work you won’t pay childcare etc so it all sounds extremely comfortable...

Yes I thought similar. We used to pay more rent than that on a lower income and still had a nice lifestyle.

We did exactly as you did 30 years ago but we didn't have the benefit of having family and friends in our new area. We sold our London house and rented a house in our new area but DHs company paid for that as it was a job move. We then bought a house which was in a great area and liveable in but have made improvements over the years. We still live here now even though the kids have left home.

My advice would be sell and rent in your new area to get a feel for where you want to live and for a house to come up you can live with for a few years. I would go for the best you can afford and would not give up Work immediately. It helps with getting you established in a new area and with both of you changing jobs I would keep your options open until you are actually moved in and settled. Do you have kids?

Sorry yes of course you have kids. Just seen you may be a SAHM. I would think twice about that but up to you if you have a support network in your new area.

We’ve just done exactly option 2, we’re 8 months in and I’m so so pleased we didn’t go for the other house. I love waking up in this house and the area it’s in. Money has been tight, but we knew that, but I know that we’ll be here forever. Which can you imagine waking up in? And which would you come home to and love it every day?

@Hideandgo, your post makes me want the smaller house big time! You've put it so well. I do feel excited when I think about the possible life we could have being at home more and together more.

Thanks everyone who queried our finances. You've made me go through all our costs and spends and you're right, we don't have any debt, we are just hugely over spending (not even on anything tangible) so that's something we need to sort. I was vaguely aware of this, but have never really got a handle on it.

I still don't know what to do though!

If you go through your finances properly you should be able to not work and gave house 2

Mortgage £800, council tax and utilities £500 max (I would think) what are you spending the other £2,000 per month on...

Get on money saving expert and look at your finances you must be wasting money on a tonne of unnecessary stuff - eating out a lot, chucking food in the bin at home, going out a lot, designer clothes???

@RandomMess, you're right. I honestly don't know where it goes. We don't really go out that much and we don't buy designer clothes. We pay £500 a month on travel for work. And £900 on childcare so they are big costs. Going through it all in detail now so hoping to find out...