HELP! Big life decision - choice between lives

[terribledecisionmaker]

I'm at a bit of a cross roads. We're leaving London to move to a town some way away. We both to have family there and friends so it's a good move. We have a decent amount of equity in our London house so we're in a very fortunate position and can afford to live in a really nice area near good schools. DH has got a transfer with work to a city an hours commute away. I work from home (with a three day a week commute to the same city).

Here's the dilemma.

House 1 - a very ugly, 3 bed house that needs a huge amount of work. It's on a scrappy, ugly street. But we could afford to do a big extension and make it look pretty great. And it has a huge garden. And we could do all this and not have a mortgage which means I could probably stay at home with the DCs. (We have 2 who are 3 and 9 months). Be there after school etc as they get older. Maybe do a bit of freelancing if I want to but no pressure. DH could even drop a day at week and be at home more.

House 2 - Seriously amazing 4 bed massive beautiful house. With a tiny garden. In the best area and most beautiful street. (About a 10 minute walk from the other house). But we'd need to get a big mortgage. We can afford it but I'd have to continue working an hours commute away 3 days a week. It's in the same school catchment area as house 1 (but slightly further walk).

I realise I'm in a fortunate position. And I know it's all personal preference, but I'd be interested to hear others experiences if you've had this kind of choice and whether you feel you made the right one.

Here are my quandaries:

I don't love work. It's not a career I enjoy. It's occasionally ok but mostly I spend my time there looking forward to getting home.

Brexit etc - bit scary to get a big mortgage

Will I always feel disappointed in the smaller house? It is a bit of a depressing looking street.

Will the massive house end up costing us a fortune in heating/maintenance etc

If we get the smaller house we'll be able to afford some seriously lovely furniture etc.

Will I be bored at home once the kids are bigger. End up working again anyway and wishing we'd stretched ourselves.

Really interested to hear what you'd do in this situation. Or your experiences of buying a wreck(!), being mortgage free or pushing yourselves to get the amazing home.

Thanks!

Interesting how varied the responses are. All are very useful. Thank you. I'm very torn. We do have the option to rent while house 1 is done up. There's a nice house for rent round the corner (that will make our London house sale much simpler). I do wonder about waiting for something else, but the market is so quiet right now that I genuinely feel like we're just choosing between these two houses. Nothing comes on!

what was the original motivation for the move terrible - was it the work transfer came up and you thought why not, or was it, lets move to x town because..... (I say original motivation because as ever with these changes life comes at you fast and you can lose sight of the original thinking)

if it was move to x town because - family/opportunity to change lifestyle/better opportunities for children - which house ticks most of the reasons for the move. It may be that neither does entirely in which case perhaps renting for a while is the best option? If it was for a lifestyle change does house 2 really represent that, or are you just relocating with the same lifestyle.

I don't think there is a wrong answer between house 1 or house 2 or an as yet un found house 3 but I'd try to reconnect to why the move is important...

Definitely not 1. Maybe 2, but I think I’d keep looking for something that isn’t such a financial stretch.

I think you should at least keep your toe in the water re work. You only have to read the Relationship board on here to understand how catastrophic sacrificing your financial independence can be.

Neither. Wait and find something on between I've been in the best house in a crappy area and you can't ever fully shut ot out you will probably want to move again in a few years. House two sounds too much of a risk and a small garden isn't great with small children especially if it's a big investment I would def want some decent outdoor space.

If you're planning on staying in your next house for a long time I absolutely wouldn't choose option 1.

Different scale but I had a choice between a 1/2 bed flat in a nice town or 3 bed house on an estate. I went with the house and it's easy to run, the estate is fine, the garden is perfect but I'm really hoping we can be in a nice more characterful house on a nicer Street longer term. I thought it would become less important to me as we settled here but it hasn't.

There's a culture here of big groups of kids playing together and roaming in and out of various houses, some of which are fine and some of which often have a smell of weed wafting from them. So consider the social life for the kids that comes with the street too.

I would pick 1.

1 sounds awful. Don't do it. Also, don't plan to take too long a break in your career as it leaves you vulnerable.

2 sounds OK ish. Small garden isn't great and a large morygage in uncertain house market times is a rusk.

As you have a rental option, take that and keep looking.

Definitely not 1. However nice you make it, you can't change the street/location.

I read some advice once which was to buy the best house you can afford

We did this 15 years ago and honestly I've regretted it ever since. I resented all our money being tied up in a house and felt trapped in it. I ended up hating the house. No holidays, hardly any days out or meals out. Watching every penny, worrying about money. Then the credit crunch hit - we both got made redundant and we barely held onto this bloody noose of a house.

If I could have my time again, I'd have bought a house well within our means - been mortgage free early, ploughed money into retirement savings, had freedom, holidays, days out, etc.

It's just a house at the end of the day. Once you get over that initial thrill of having a lovely home, it just becomes four walls to sit and stare at and be trapped in, while everyone else is out seeing the world.

Oh and I'd add to that, we also became trapped by our jobs - we had to earn a certain amount to maintain the bills and mortgage. So we were in jobs that neither of us loved. If we'd had a smaller mortgage or more savings, we found have done jobs we loved for less money.

Definitely not number 1. There’s a lot involved in doing it up and it’ll not be easy with 2 young children, especially if you’re actually going to be at home most of the time. I would end up resenting it or not doing it. Also the cost of doing it up could escalate. You don’t sound like you like the location either. It might be difficult to sell if you decide to move on.

I’d either go for 2 if it is good location with knowledge you can easily sell if needed to. Or wait for something better to come on the market. Is there any hurry? Rent in the meantime or stay where you are?

“No holidays, hardly any days out or meals out. Watching every penny, worrying about money.”

But if you can’t afford days out, meals out or holidays, I don’t think you can really afford the house. I suppose it should be the best house you can comfortably afford ie still have money left over for the lifestyle you want.

I agree there’s no point living in an amazing house if you don’t have money to do the things you want.

I also don’t think it’s worth doing a job you hate just for a dream house so there is definitely an argument for moving somewhere more affordable in that scenario.

ObiandMillie id say that in that case, you went for a house you couldn't afford. If you’re watching every penny and constantly worrying about money, it sounds like you stretched yourselves beyond your means rather than choosing a house you could afford while maintaining a decent standard of living. We chose the best house we could afford without financial stress.

Ps in your circumstances id probably keep looking for an option 3, or go for option 2. Certainly not 1. You can improve the house as much as you want but you can’t change the area.

Neither.

I’d rent out your London house and rent a place where you’re considering moving to.

Two reasons - one, moving out of London can seem appealing when you live there, but not so much once you’ve done it and it’s much harder to buy back in London and secondly, neither of those houses sound right. You need to be patient and wait for a better option.

I once viewed the nicest house ever - it was extended, really beautifully decorated and ticked every box and more on our wish list. But it was in an awful road, really run down, old cars parked or dumped at the end of it.
Decided not to buy it.
If I were you I’d go for house 2. I think that if you have the option of freelance work and working part time you have a lot of flexibility in your work.

SoyDora, I think that's at the heart of my concerns. Finances are so unknown at the moment - we pay childcare, I'm working etc. And all this might change. Our take home every month is £3,500 with just DH working and if I work I bring in around £2,500, sometimes more - up to £3,500. The mortgage on the posh house would be £800 a month ish. We can live on just DH's salary if we have no mortgage. And we can afford holidays etc (once we're not paying childcare anymore). We'd have to budget a little, but not a great deal. If I'm working then things are really ok financially. We can afford the mortgage plus overpayments plus putting some aside for savings.

You need to think carefully about resale.

Personally, we brought the best house in the best area we could afford, we looked at cheaper options, and are pleased we stretched ourselves.

Looking at properties in cheaper areas, they were all cheaper for a reason and have not risen in price, like the house we purchased.

A doer upper is tough with little ones, we did make lots of changes to our house but was it was completely liveable to begin with just not to our taste so there wasn’t any major hurry.

And as others have said a smaller house in a better area is easier to sell than a big house where no one wants to live.

“Our take home every month is £3,500 with just DH working and if I work I bring in around £2,500, sometimes more - up to £3,500. The mortgage on the posh house would be £800 a month ish.”

Seriously?! Your DH earns 4 times what the monthly mortgage payments would be and you’re worried about being able to afford it?!

Whether or not you continue working, stop working or go part time, you can afford House 2, but even if you don’t feel comfortable buying it, you’d be mad to buy House 1.

**Neither!!!

Cheaper/smaller house on a good street. You don't want the best house on a scrappy/rubbish street.**

^This. The street may improve but I doubt it very much.

Option 1!!!! And I’m usually all for the big moves and spends BUT how exciting is option 1! You get an open book on both design of the house and your future freedom. No amount of ‘nice street’ could replace your DH getting an extra day off work every week. Plus you can look at doing something different for work and family. So exciting.

Some interesting ideas upthread and more info on your finances I hadn’t seen. I think there is an option 3!

House number one. Keep working. Use the money that would have gibe into the mortgage to invest. If you do it properly you will be millionaires in thirty years time. Mortgages are money pits. I would only take one our as a matter of necessity.

Wow! You're in a really great position. If you give up work for a few years and have DH's income of £3500 net, will you really need more than £2700 after your mortgage payments?! We are mortgage free and household income is £2300 (inc child benefit, no childcare costs) and we live very comfortably and save £400 a month into pension / kids accounts that we don't touch. We are in East Mids but have 3 DC.

I'd go with house one but if possible don't fully give up work - you're well paid so presumably important enough to try and negotiate dropping a day or a career break?

Sorry I meant house 2 - turnkey is the way forward with DC. And get a packing service when you move!