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Original poster

Moving in with boyfriend finances

68 replies

Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:02

So I need some thoughts and advice.

I am moving in with my boyfriend who has a large 5 bedroom house and no mortgage and I have a 4 bedroom house with lodgers that cover my mortgage although I still pay all bills, council tax etc.

My boyfriend earns at least 4 times as much as me (£200,000 + per annum).

My boyfriend is asking for half towards all bills (e also has his 2 children at home about 70% of the time) and half of all shopping (his kids food as well). I am prepared to do this but he also wants an extra £250 per month almost as an additional rent for the pleasure of moving into his nice house.

Personally I think half the bills and shopping should be enough, especially as he has no mortgage and is such a high earner but he says as I have two lodgers and they cover my mortgage I should pay him extra but I have those lodgers regardless of whether I move in with him or not and I have very high outgoings also I genuinely cannot afford the extra £250 easily.

Is this a fair demand from my boyfriend?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/05/2018 21:37

I wouldn't do it tbh. Why should you contribute to his children. Would you be better or worse off to stay where you are?

seventh · 08/05/2018 21:38

but he says as I have two lodgers and they cover my mortgage I should pay him extra

Loves young dream. HmmConfused

Tobuyornot99 · 08/05/2018 21:39

Fuck that, let him feed his own kids, you stay where you are.

MollyHuaCha · 08/05/2018 21:43

What would he say if you asked for your name to be added to his house ownership deeds? He would run a mile...

So why would you want to pay towards bills & rent when it remains "his" home?

If I were you, I'd run a mile - in the opposite direction.

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:43

I would be better off to stay where I am by a country mile. But he says I’m being money grabbing by not giving him an extra £250 on top of shopping and bills but I think it’s the other way round!

OP posts:
CrazedZombie · 08/05/2018 21:44

If you pay rent, you have a future claim on his house. He really shouldn't ask for rent. Half of bills and depending on the age of the kids, a percentage of food is fair. (I mention the age of the kids because my 17 year old son eats LOTS so I wouldn't expect a partner to sub him)

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:46

His kids are 12 and 14 and are with him more than their mum and I embrace them and spend money on them too. I’m very generous and feel like he’s taking advantage

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 08/05/2018 21:46

If you are worse off then I wouldn't move in at all. For someone on a high wage he sounds money grabbing and tight

sprinklesandsauce · 08/05/2018 21:46

If you’re not married and his DC are there a lot then I think you should contribute a quarter towards the food bills or do 50/50 but he pays for extra.

You shouldn’t be paying him to live there, if he has no mortgage.

Where do you stand with your own house if you don’t actually live there? You need to advise mortgage, insurance etc. Can you convert the lodgers to full tenants nd they pay their own bills?

dementedpixie · 08/05/2018 21:48

So you end up poorer while he has lots of extra to spend? Run a mile while you can

expatinscotland · 08/05/2018 21:49

'I would be better off to stay where I am by a country mile. But he says I’m being money grabbing by not giving him an extra £250 on top of shopping and bills but I think it’s the other way round!'

There is ZERO fucking way I would ever move in with him. He's a grabby cunt who wants you to line his pockets and suck his cock. Fuck that. This is simple. 'No, this doesn't work for me. I'll stay put.' 'Why, you're being grabby.' 'No, I'm not. I won't compromise myself financially for a relationship so I won't be moving in.'

Viviennemary · 08/05/2018 21:51

I don't think I'd move in. Sounds like you're not going to get any benefit of his £200K a year so what's the point.

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:52

I am considering converting lodgers to full tenants and this would help my finances but I still don’t think I should pay more than bills and shopping when there is no mortgage, regardless of my rental situation

OP posts:
Candyflosss · 08/05/2018 21:54

wow... Does he pay a lot to his wife? Or just being tide?

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:56

No he pays his ex wife about 200 per month cos she got a lump sum 10 years ago in the divorce, my son has gone to live with his dad at 16 (teenager problems) and I pay his dad £320 per month so I pay more maintenance than he does

OP posts:
Vangoghsear · 08/05/2018 21:56

Stay in your own house, and then figure out exactly what the advantages of a relationship with him are, if any.

Vangoghsear · 08/05/2018 21:58

So he is on 200k but pays his ex-wife £200 pcm. You haven't exactly chosen Mr Generosity.

Almondsupreme · 08/05/2018 22:00

Hhhmmmmmm I wouldn't just be rethinking the finances, I'd be rethinking the relationship. He sounds like a dick. And a tightwad

YetAnotherNewName1000 · 08/05/2018 22:02

@expat i do enjoy reading your posts you have such a way with words He's a grabby cunt who wants you to line his pockets and suck his cock. Fuck that.
GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 22:03

@expat yes excellently put!!! 😂😂

OP posts:
rainingcatsanddog · 08/05/2018 22:13

Why would you want to invest in a property that he could throw you out of at a moment's notice? He is being outrageously tight.

If you do go ahead then don't forget to research his food spending habits. If he's buying whatever he wants at Waitrose while you buy off a list from Aldi, he is going to cost you even more.

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 22:14

And he does throw me out!! Every time we have a row!! That concerns me too!!

OP posts:
ferriswheel · 08/05/2018 22:19

Hes taking the piss. Remember it aint going to get better than the beginning.

Original poster
Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 22:20

It’s not the beginning!! It’s taken us over 5 years to get to this point 😂😂😂

OP posts:
bunbunny · 08/05/2018 22:29

he's gaslighting you and expecting you to pay for it before you've even moved in... Doesn't bode well for a long and happy future together...

He's telling you who he is in the demands he's making - listen to him.

What does he say when you point out that he's the money grabbing one by expecting you to pay half of his dc's food and of their bills (I know they don't pay bills per se and some things like heating will be on anyway but extra showers, extra tvs on, extra lights on and computers/ps4/etc on in different rooms 70% of the time means the bills will be higher than if his dc weren't with him much).

Just out of interest - have your ds's problems coincided with times you've been with this guy? And how welcome will your ds be in this house and to treat it as his own, like his dc do? Will he have a bedroom if he needs it? Or what if you need a parent or friend or ??? to stay, maybe for a week or three or longer if they are ill and you want to help look after them? Will he expect extra payment then if the shopping bill goes up even if you're already paying more than your fair share for his dc?

Sounds like he just wants you to move in for money and sex... What about chores - will you be expected to take over the shopping (in which case make sure you don't end up paying for the whole lot twice over!), the cleaning, anything else?