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Original poster

Moving in with boyfriend finances

68 replies

Pandywebb · 08/05/2018 21:02

So I need some thoughts and advice.

I am moving in with my boyfriend who has a large 5 bedroom house and no mortgage and I have a 4 bedroom house with lodgers that cover my mortgage although I still pay all bills, council tax etc.

My boyfriend earns at least 4 times as much as me (£200,000 + per annum).

My boyfriend is asking for half towards all bills (e also has his 2 children at home about 70% of the time) and half of all shopping (his kids food as well). I am prepared to do this but he also wants an extra £250 per month almost as an additional rent for the pleasure of moving into his nice house.

Personally I think half the bills and shopping should be enough, especially as he has no mortgage and is such a high earner but he says as I have two lodgers and they cover my mortgage I should pay him extra but I have those lodgers regardless of whether I move in with him or not and I have very high outgoings also I genuinely cannot afford the extra £250 easily.

Is this a fair demand from my boyfriend?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 09/05/2018 02:11

He sounds delightful.

Leave

His attitude is horrible. He wants you to subsidise his lifestyle not be a partner. Don't move in. Move on.

ScrubTheDecks · 09/05/2018 04:18

Never mind the money: by moving in with him you are closing the door on your 16 year old. Never to have him home from Uni in the hols, never to have him live with you 2 nights a week...

Sorry, I bet this man is part of the reason your DS has gone to his
Dad’s.

Dvg · 09/05/2018 04:29

why would you give him 250 PM if he hasn't got a mortgage :S plus it shouldnt be split 2 ways as he has kids... so it should be split 4 ways and you pay 1 way he pays 3...

Sorry but this isnt adding up to me he is either trying to mug you off or he is generally a douchebag. sounds like he may just want that extra income and thats the reason he has asked you to move in with him.

its not about being stingy on your behalf its that its unfair, i wouldnt be paying anything towards his living costs and his childrens living costs, not when i have my own home.

Dvg · 09/05/2018 04:32

Also how are you the money grabbing cunt when he is the one asking for money XD
Hahaha he sounds deluded!!! I'm actually shocked here...asked my partner for his intake in this and he laughed and asked how someone could do that to his girlfriend.

missperegrinespeculiar · 09/05/2018 04:43

Awful, LTB, nothing as unattractive as a tight man, especially a rich tight man! and his attitude to your son is appalling, I don't think this man is really capable of caring for you properly

Cupoteap · 09/05/2018 05:53

Silent treatment, throws you out after a row? Please don't move in with him.

MaverickSnoopy · 09/05/2018 06:25

I agree. You need to run.

Even without the £250 you're not exactly going to be benefiting from the situation so I can't see his argument at all.

This screams financial control to me. What the hell would he be like if you moved in?

When people move in together the idea is that you (usually/mostly) pool your resources and live as a unit, not benefit from the other person.

I can almost see the future posts "my DP wants to go on holiday but I can't afford it, but he's said he'll loan me the money or go without me"....

ScrubTheDecks · 09/05/2018 07:07

What happens about going on holiday?
Do his kids come?
Does yours?

What about housework and cooking? Is it all shared?

EmmaJR1 · 09/05/2018 07:12

@expatinscotland had it right!

There is ZERO fucking way I would ever move in with him. He's a grabby cunt who wants you to line his pockets and suck his cock. Fuck that. This is simple. 'No, this doesn't work for me. I'll stay put.' 'Why, you're being grabby.' 'No, I'm not. I won't compromise myself financially for a relationship so I won't be moving in.'

What an arsehole! Run a bloody mile!!!!

Perfecto · 09/05/2018 07:14

Not sure about the finances but How can you live in a home where your friends and family would not be allowed to visit?

Appuskidu · 09/05/2018 07:16

Run for the hills-he sounds truly awful.

Does your son dislike him?

IdaDown · 09/05/2018 07:17

Why would you be with someone who doesn’t like your DS?

specialsubject · 09/05/2018 09:38

come on, raise your standards. you have sex with a man who sulks, argues, doesn t like you very much and now wants to charge extra for housekeeping duties.

you have wasted five years. enough!

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 09/05/2018 10:45

Jesus Christ why are you with this man?? He sounds awful! Can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with him?

MessySurfaces · 09/05/2018 14:16

Also- he has been modelling some pretty toxic behaviour to your son at a pretty critical age- and you are showing him that you value that kind of masculinity (lots of money, no generosity or compassion!) just as you son is figuring out how to be a man. It's not too late to end the relationship and rebuild the one with your son. Hard work- but you can do it!

gingergenius · 09/05/2018 15:29

Please read this thread back to yourself. And then again, until you can see what a manipulative, abusive man he truly is. Don't move in. Ever.

dipsticky · 10/05/2018 23:59

He called you that? I'm so sorry that's grim. What a nasty abusive little man.

You can do much better. Please leave him and come back in a few months and tell us how happy and relieved you are to be rid.

marjorie25 · 17/05/2018 02:02

Are you that desperate for love.
If you cannot love yourself first, how the hell can you love someone.
Stay in your house and kick this man to the kerb.
He is abusive and a user and before too long he will kick you to the kerb.
As someone said read this thread back to yourself for the next 7 days and ask yourself if this is the lifestyle you want for yourself.
Ask yourself if your friend or if you had a daughter came to you with this story, what would you tell them to do - I think I know your answer, well that is what you want to do.
The worse thing anyone can do is live with a cheap person.
Stingy with money, stingy with love.
My advice, go on a nice vacation with your son and don't tell him where you are going, when you return give the boot.
Do not under any circumstance answer the phone whilst on holiday if and when he calls.
Good Luck.

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