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Original poster

Would you ask for this money back?

56 replies

WWYDN · 20/03/2018 09:18

A couple of years ago a friend was struggling for money and took out a high interest loan. I had some money in savings not making much interest so I said I would pay off the loan and she could pay me back from the monthly payments she was making on the loan but only just covering the interest. It was £3000.

She has never once mentioned it again and I think she's forgotten all about it. Up until recently her financial situation hadn't improved so I hadn't said anything however now she has a new DP and they've bought a big house together, going on long-haul holidays etc.

Should I ask for the money back? I'm guessing it would come from her DP rather than her as she obviously hasn't been saving up the payments as we'd agreed. I don't need it in the strictest sense to live on but I am renovating my house so it would come in useful.

I don't really know what she would say, I genuinely think she's forgotten all about it. I'm a bit pissed off that she's clearly taken it for granted but I've known her 20 years and I didn't think she'd do this. And yes, I have learnt my lesson about never a lender or borrower be.

WWYD? Ask for it back or not?

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 20/03/2018 09:20

Umm, yes!? Why wouldn’t you?

Jaggythistle · 20/03/2018 09:20

Definitely ask for it back!

You helped her out when she was struggling, but she still owes the money.

That's a large sum to just 'forget' about.

DancesWithOtters · 20/03/2018 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilyargin · 20/03/2018 09:21

Definitely. You had an agreement and she hasn’t kept it. Now that money doesn’t seem to be an issue for her and you’d find it useful, of course! It’s your money.

Longdistance · 20/03/2018 09:22

She’s conveniently forgotten Hmm

Ask for it back.

LIZS · 20/03/2018 09:22

She hasn't forgotten , just conveniently moved on hoping you would be too embarrassed to raise it. Bet her new dp doesn't know anything about it.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2018 09:22

No one 'forgets' £3000. Tell her you need it back, but my guess is you'll never see a penny of it again.

Unforgiving2 · 20/03/2018 09:23

Wow I can't believe you haven't already said something. Worse that she hasn't.... She has not forgotten, she just doesn't want to pay you back. This would make me question her honesty and our friendship if it was me. Ask her for the money, her response will tell you what she is really like.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 20/03/2018 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

letsdolunch321 · 20/03/2018 09:24

Firstly, how is it not on your friends conscience !!!

Secondly, you are a better woman than me letting it go for this long. I would be onto it now

TalkFastThinkSlow · 20/03/2018 09:24

You can ask, but I suspect that you will never see it again, or you will, but she'll never speak to you again. No one forgets £3k. I still remember the £50 I borrowed from my best friend 10 years ago. And the £150 i spent on our madonna tickets :D

MaverickSnoopy · 20/03/2018 09:25

I doubt she's forgotten. I expect she thinks that as you haven't mentioned it, she doesn't have to pay it and has written it off in her head.

The same thing happened to me but with a MUCH smaller amount of money and then one day when I was a bit tight for money the same friend offered to lend me some money. I gently pointed out that she still owed me the money I had leant her and she paid it straight back. Unless you have an opportunity like that come up then you'll need to ask outright. Think carefully about what you plan to say, after all its been a couple of years and you've not said anything.

Joinourclub · 20/03/2018 09:26

Of course she has not forgotten! And of course you should ask for it back!

Original poster
WWYDN · 20/03/2018 09:30

I think that might be it, she's justified it in her head as that she has struggled for money and I haven't then it's ok to forget about it. It's stuck in my throat a bit recently seeing photos on Facebook of their holidays etc. Part of me thinks it's not worth asking as she won't have it anyway and I don't know what sort of position it would put her in with her new DP. I don't see her much in person and I haven't met him.

I really think it would be a surprise to her that I ask though. I'm sure she's compartmentalized it and forgotten. I guess I'll always feel resentful of her anyway now.

OP posts:
Original poster
WWYDN · 20/03/2018 09:32

Her mental health has been fragile and I also feel bad about giving her more to worry about. I'm a pushover aren't I??

OP posts:
Unforgiving2 · 20/03/2018 09:38

"Hi friend, I was wondering if we could discuss a payment plan for the 3k I lent you. Obviously it was some time ago and I haven't mentioned it as I didn't want to hassle you and assumed you would pay when you could... I was thinking £50 a week, does this work for you?"

bimbobaggins · 20/03/2018 09:39

Yes you are a pushover. People get away with this because of pushovers. There’s no way on this earth she has forgotten the money. But since you’ve never mentioned it why should she
Ask her for it back. Don’t pussyfoot round about saying do you mind etc.
My guess is you won’t see her or your money again

Allaboutwork · 20/03/2018 09:41

Ask for it back!!

IAmWonkoTheSane · 20/03/2018 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Luckingfovely · 20/03/2018 09:46

If she can afford to go on holiday, she can probably afford more than £50 per week.

Take the bull by the horns and just send her a polite message immediately saying that you now need repayment of the money as soon as possible and asking her when she will compete repayment by. It really is that simple.

And her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about whether she is a true friend or not.

Original poster
WWYDN · 20/03/2018 09:48

Of course you're all right. I'm a pushover. I just never thought she'd do this. I have sent her a text. We'll see what comes back.

OP posts:
pizzapine · 20/03/2018 11:44

Definitely ask for it back

PatchworkElmer · 20/03/2018 11:47

Glad to hear you’ve sent a text! I wouldn’t be surprised if she ignored you initially though. Be persistent.

Avasarala · 20/03/2018 11:53

If you don't here back, send another message suggesting a payment plan that you think she could afford, but do not let it drop. £3000 Is a lot of money to just give up on - even if you don't need it right now, it should be in your savings for later in life.
You can keep it friendly but clear that she needs to pay you back. It wasnt something she can pretend she thought was a gift - she knew it was a loan and you've saved her hundred in interest and probably saved her credit score too. So she knows it needs to be paid back - don't feel bad or guilty. You're doing nothing wrong.

CatchingBabies · 20/03/2018 12:10

You need to ask for it back and agree a repayment plan with her, the fact is she owes it and it isn't going to go away.

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