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Original poster

New partner and equity in my house

58 replies

VIvien64 · 08/10/2017 21:02

Hi,
I divorced about a year ago and my husband allows me to keep all of the equity in my house because he knew I would leave it to our children. At the time he had a much younger new partner of 23 (he was 45) and I wasn't alone. I work full time and so does he (and his partner). I've met someone new who is a widower and he's sold his house and come to live with me. He's spent some money on our home and is now not working and livid with me and my three children. His youngest child lives with us and his oldest are adult and live away from us. He wants to feel my house is his too and wants to get married and have shard assets that we leave to all our children. I feel a moral obligation to ringfence some of equity (my ex husbands) for my children, especially as they're younger. He's angry about I and feels I should shade everyone. Happy to share my equity and my pension and allow him to live in my house. What should I do? I love him and his kids but want to do the right thing.

OP posts:
lookatyourwatchnow · 08/10/2017 21:06

HAHA, tell him to fuck off.

MyLittleDragon · 08/10/2017 21:11

How long have you been together? Less than a year? I'd tell him you're a long way off any talk if marriage. And what about romance?! Is marriage just a financial transaction to him? Why doesn't he work?
Why did he sell his house? Couldn't he have rented it out? What has he done with the money from his house sale?
Personally I'd stick to your guns firmly. It's not as though any immediate decision needs to be made is it?! If he wants security he can buy another property (when he's working) as a rental investment.

MyLittleDragon · 08/10/2017 21:12

^^lookat puts it so much more directly than I do Smile

Original poster
VIvien64 · 08/10/2017 21:28

He's been a sucesauky retail manager and plans to return to work but he's spend a lot of equity on holidays and cars. Some money on me but offered to pay him back and for money he wants to spend doing my house up. He's a good guy but ultra protective of his kids and he's sees it unromantic that I don't want to just share everything. Been together 18 months and have fun but we have different views on finance. Both successful on our right and fiercely independent so I'm happy to have separate finances.

OP posts:
MyLittleDragon · 08/10/2017 22:01

18 months is not very long. I'd keep things separate for a lot longer especially if he's currently not employed, but that's just me.

lunar1 · 08/10/2017 22:07

Go get your will sorted and ensure every penny goes to your children. If you marry and own the house together he could make sure yours don’t see a penny if you die first.

AdoraBell · 08/10/2017 23:01

No. Keep your finances separate for your own DC. And double check re wills. I cannot remember which way it is, but a Will becomes void either upon marriage or divorce. Right now I’m confused, so do some checking and make sure your Will is water tight if you marry him.

Personally I would keep him at arm’s length, but I’m an old cynic.

PrimalLass · 08/10/2017 23:03

Absolutely not. He sounds out for your money.

PrimalLass · 08/10/2017 23:03

Absolutely not. He sounds out for your money.

honeysucklejasmine · 08/10/2017 23:04

He spent the equity on holidays and cars?! And now wants a share of yours for his children?

FOTTFSOFATFOSM.

PrimalLass · 08/10/2017 23:11

Exactly. He has spent his equity now wants yours for his children.

MsJolly · 08/10/2017 23:18

Seriously-if he wanted his kids to inherit he should have kept his house or invested the money instead of spending on holidays and cars...and now he wants your kids inheritance to be shared with his? Nah! Am sure your exh would have something to say about that! Make sure your will is watertight and don't marry him for a very very long time-you are clearly on different pages here.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 08/10/2017 23:18

Send him packing. He sounds like an ambitious cocklodger.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/10/2017 23:32

You'd be absolutely MAD to even consider this. Absolutely bloody not. Move in together by all means, but see a solicitor. Keep your finances separate, ensure your will is REGULARLY reviewed, that your children receive ALL of your assets via trust funds if necessary. He can fuck the fuck off and actually, I'd be considering my position with a man who even SAYS this!

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/10/2017 23:33

Also, DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN...

Unromantic...ha ha ha ha ha ha....

HouseworkIsAPain · 08/10/2017 23:33

No do not share your equity. He can buy a house and rent it out, then leave that to his DC.

Your house is for your DC. Make sure your will is clear.

Whatever you do, do not leave anything to him on an understanding that he will leave things to your DC. He can easily change any wills you make together and leave nothing to your DC. Make sure you are protecting them and leaving your assets to your DC.

Timetobookaholiday · 08/10/2017 23:42

Do not marry this man, he would then get the house before your children (obviously if you died first)
I can't understand why he sold his house and did not rent it, to ensure his kids had a inheritance.

MrsZippyLake · 08/10/2017 23:46

OP please, for the love of God, tell us you are not considering marrying this man.

innagazing · 08/10/2017 23:48

Massive red flags here!
See a solicitor if he moves in and protect your assets and your children's. Also, let him get a job before he moves in so he can contribute towards daily living costs.
He sounds very money grabbing. Please be very careful and think carefully before you marry him

elephantoverthehill · 08/10/2017 23:51

A big fat no. You are both adults who want to share your lives together, but have built up separate finances and those and shared finances need to be discussed and agreed upon.

CamperVamp · 08/10/2017 23:54

Would it be tasteless to ask what happpened to his first wife?
:suspicious:

Haha at spent all his equity, and now after yours!

For heavens sake OP, demonstrate some of your independence, and look after your childrens' interest.

And keep looking after it.

Original poster
VIvien64 · 09/10/2017 00:04

Nothing suspicious.

He wants to feel safe and secure and we do argue and I do tell him to go. We are both insecure at the moment. I'm a little untrusting because of a failed marriage after 25 years. But I do believe I should protect my family's assets.

OP posts:
JoJoSM2 · 09/10/2017 00:11

Sound like you've moved waaay to quickly with him having sold and spent money on improving your home already. It's a shame there wasn't a discussion sooner. I think you need to be firm that you want to keep things separate and discuss that ASAP. You should also pay I'm back the money he's spent on the house.

I don't think it's fair to be talking of red flags. Divorced people seem to view things differently to those never married or happily married. As a widower, he might have that approach of putting all your assets together and living happily ever after.

fridayfreddo · 09/10/2017 00:16

Why on earth have you moved in with this new bloke so soon without talking about money?? He sounds like a greedy chancer.

He's an adult. Tell him he can leave his money and pension to his dc and you will leave your money and house and pension to your dc.

If he is decent he will understand this. If not... well.

lunar1 · 09/10/2017 07:52

Of he wanted to feel secure he should have kept his own house and nor frittered his money away. Seriously I’d want him out.

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