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Original poster

New partner and equity in my house

58 replies

VIvien64 · 08/10/2017 21:02

Hi,
I divorced about a year ago and my husband allows me to keep all of the equity in my house because he knew I would leave it to our children. At the time he had a much younger new partner of 23 (he was 45) and I wasn't alone. I work full time and so does he (and his partner). I've met someone new who is a widower and he's sold his house and come to live with me. He's spent some money on our home and is now not working and livid with me and my three children. His youngest child lives with us and his oldest are adult and live away from us. He wants to feel my house is his too and wants to get married and have shard assets that we leave to all our children. I feel a moral obligation to ringfence some of equity (my ex husbands) for my children, especially as they're younger. He's angry about I and feels I should shade everyone. Happy to share my equity and my pension and allow him to live in my house. What should I do? I love him and his kids but want to do the right thing.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 09/10/2017 07:56

It is not yours to share you made an agreement with your husband to leave it to your children. He can't come in and demand it there are so many red flags!

innagazing · 09/10/2017 08:46

What money has he spent on your house, and what was it for? Whatever it was, I think you should repay him this immediately, as he shouldn't pay to improve YOUR House

Where you involved in the the decision to sell his house, and was the agreement that he would do this and come to live with you? Have you been on holiday etc with him, and has he paid for it?

Why isn't he working, and has he got plans to get another job?

It's not your responsibility to make him feel financially secure!

Berthatydfil · 09/10/2017 08:51

Would you give your children’s inheritance to some stranger on the street ?
No well this Man is not much more than a stranger is he really ?
Please protect your and your children’s interests.
I’d say yes you can go on the deeds if either
A) you buy half of the equity and I can put that cash in a ring fenced account for my children or
B) we buy somewhere together both put in half each.
C) I remortgage to take equity out to ring fence for my children and you pay the mortgage going forward in exchange for a half share.

Oh you can’t do that because you’ve got no lump sum (because you spent it all) or income.

Be very careful by spending money on your house he may already be laying the foundations to a claim on your house should you split up,
I would find the money and repay it in a way that leaves a very visible paper trail.

Fishface77 · 09/10/2017 08:57

Your a mug.
He's spending his money then he will want to spend yours.
tell him to stop spending his money and use it to move out.

fridayfreddo · 09/10/2017 09:30

If he's so protective over his dc then surely he can understand that you want to protect your own dc, and that money you and your ex built up over your marriage should go to YOUR dc, not his??

Unbelievably cheeky.

Notreallyhappy · 09/10/2017 10:33

Marriage over rides a will.don't do it if your not happy.
On solicitors advice, you can't put in a will I leave you everything but when you die share it with my children, as soon as they have what you've left it's thiers to do as they please with, regardless of what you both discussed when you were alive.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/10/2017 10:36

You've been with him 18 months, and now he wants you to leave half your house to his adult kids? He can fuck off. (And don't let him manipulate you with this "it's not romaaaaaantic" nonsense.)

JemimaLovesHamble · 09/10/2017 11:23

Be careful about offering to share anything with someone who gets angry when you don't put everything on the table. A mature adult understands responsibility towards children. What is he offering you by the way?

AshleySilver · 09/10/2017 12:01

He wants to feel safe and secure and yet he spent a lot of equity from the sale of his house on holidays and cars. His actions and his words are contradictory.

It's entirely reasonable of you to want to protect your family's assets. If the two of you have such different views on finance, all the more reason for keeping your finances separate.

sunnydayzzzzz · 09/10/2017 12:49

RatRolyPoly · 09/10/2017 12:59

Can you transfer part or full ownership of your house to your children, to be held in trust? Then even if you married it would be safe?

I don't know much about the legalities except that a family member lives with their partner whose deceased spouse left the house to their son, but with the proviso that the surviving spouse should be able to use it "for as long as they have need of it". So they can't move or sell it, but when the parent dies it goes to the child.

XJerseyGirlX · 09/10/2017 13:08

He wants to feel safe and secure yet he spent all of his own money??? But now he wants a share of yours and your ex husbands money after only 18 months ... Wow op I'm sorry if you can't see anything wrong with that then there's something wrong with you ( in the nicest way) he is after your money and turning angry when you try to protect your kids !

Quartz2208 · 09/10/2017 17:02

It is suspicious! You need to protect your children's assets

You can make an agreement that if he moves in and pays rent that he gets that back

You can make an agreement he moves in and does not pay towards the house and you can keep it all

Having someone move in and then be entitled to half of everything and leave to his children is odd and sounds like a con. What is he splitting with you

Auspiciouspanda · 09/10/2017 17:08

So your ex let you have the marital home because it'll go to your children and your considering to give it to some bloke! If he cared that much about his kids inheriting it wouldn't have blown through his equity would he??

lionsleepstonight · 12/10/2017 22:03

No, this is not right.
Is he actually working?
Is he contributing to the household financially?
He is a spendthrift and now he has spent all his money he wants to claim share on yours.
Repay him they money he spent on your house (I suspect this was done in order to lay claim to the house)
Your Will should leave everything to your DC in trust.
Keep your finances completely seperate.

QuiteLikely5 · 12/10/2017 22:13

Give him his money back that he has spent on you.

You don't want to share your asset but he shared his with you clearly believing that everything was going to be equally beneficial. You must have understood this at some point.

Stop taking if you don't want to share. It simply is not fair on his own kids if they have no inheritance due to the belief that he was moving in with you to eventually marry you and things would be split.

I strongly suspect you did not tell him your true stance until long after he committed to you/selling his home etc

fairyofallthings · 12/10/2017 22:15

Send him packing with a flea in his ear.

bimbobaggins · 13/10/2017 06:52

Absolutely no way should you even consider this. What everyone else is saying, he's spent his money and now wants a share of yours for his children.

eurochick · 13/10/2017 07:12

I can't believe you are even considering this. No no no!

lionsleepstonight · 13/10/2017 08:18

However, if you have been party to his equity spending and benefited from it in terms of paid for holidays and a car then you do owe him that much on top of the house spends. It depends if you've both blasted through the cash together or you paid your own way.

dudsville · 13/10/2017 08:22

It's another no, and send packing, from me. He'll hold a grudge that will leave the relationship with too much unpleasantness. I know someone who did this and she holds a grudge.

Ellisandra · 14/10/2017 12:18

You are a FOOL.
If I were your ex husband I would be raging and kicking myself that I didn't use the Consent Order to hold a share of the equity for my children.

You barely know this new man yet you've let him move in, sell off his house and piss it away then start on yours. You're mad.

Go to a solicitor this week and find out what level of shit you may have landed yourself in by letting him pay for improvents to your house. I suspect that's been done quite deliberately to try to get a beneficial interest.

See a solicitor.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 14/10/2017 12:38

This money he spent on works to the house, is it in addition to rent, instead of rent? If instead of, how many months rent is it equivalent to?

Why did you let him move in? It's far too soon. Was it to get back at your ex to show him that you can pull too?

New man needs to get his own place. Rack it up to bitter experience. You chose a dickhead who no doubt spotted your vulnerability and saw free lunches galore and took the opportunity to spunk his money away on cars and holidays. Get rid.

bastardkitty · 14/10/2017 12:40

Is he contributingbto living expenses? Or was the work on the house his contribution? Ask him to move out.

PhuntSox · 14/10/2017 12:48

See a solicitor, don't tell him. I think he knows exactly what he is doing and thinks you are an easy target.

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