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Original poster

Is he entitled to my redundancy?

70 replies

Moomintoes · 07/03/2017 23:43

I am about to receive a redundancy pay out. My oh is my fiancé, we are not yet married and no current immediate plans as of yet.
We have 1 child together and I have 1 with a previous partner.
I/we have no plans to split up however if we ever fall out he likes to try and bring money and possessions into it, threatens to leave with the tv that HE paid for on his card etc that type of thing. I'm really not a possession person so he never gets a reaction from me and also we pay half of everything, get the same wages monthly and have the same left over after bills, joint account for shopping which we pay equally into.
Since finding out around a month ago that I will be made redundant he now uses this in any arguments and has said that he is entitled to half of my redundancy money.
Is this the case if we were to split up?

I do have a job to go to because despite him constantly trying to put me down and tell me to "get a job you lazy xyz" I have been offered 4 already in just 4 weeks so we are planning on using the money for a house deposit. (If I get my way as tenants in common 60/40 split due to the deposit being my redundancy money)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 07/03/2017 23:47

Why are you with this man? He sounds really horrible.

Sukitakeitoff · 07/03/2017 23:48

If you're not married he's not entitled to any of your redundancy money. Why are you considering marrying him? Confused

VimFuego101 · 07/03/2017 23:48

He sounds delightful, I'd use your redundancy money to leave him helpful

I'm not a lawyer but if you weren't married I think he'd only be able to make a claim against that money if there was a reason such as him taking out a loan on your behalf. He has less rights since you're not married.

Original poster
Moomintoes · 07/03/2017 23:52

Thank you. I realise I maybe have painted a one sided picture, there's loads of reasons I would have for leaving him but a lot for making it work too. I don't want to have two children with two different dads for example, we've also had a tough few years debt wise and this year over the next few months those will all be cleared so I'm hoping with less financial pressure things may improve.
If we were to split I'm not the kind of person to take everything and leave him with nothing but I've worked for the company for a long time and only been with him a 3rd of that time so don't see why he should get half of it all!

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 07/03/2017 23:53

No surely no more than he's entitled to half your wages?
He's got a strange streak to him with this keeping score of what belongs to who. What would he do if you'd gone halves on the telly? Wouldn't it be simpler not to deal with this nonsense?

RedastheRose · 07/03/2017 23:55

He sounds a real catch!!! Why are you still with him when he thinks he can treat you like that. Don't buy a house together until he changes or you decide you can't be bothered with this nonsense any more and no it's your money not his. Put it into an account in just your name and keep it there until he stops acting like a child wanting to take his toys home!

Longdistance · 07/03/2017 23:56

Oh god op.

Don't get married to him, he sounds vile.

Tell him to take the tv, and his sorry arse with him.

The redundancy is ALL YOURS and got fuck all to do with him.

Original poster
Moomintoes · 07/03/2017 23:57

There's always something he uses in arguements centred around money it drives me insane!
We had a time where we only had one car he threatened to take that despite it being in my name (deliberate on my part to keep the one in my name) we recently bought new furniture on 0% for a few months which he took in his name but we pay half each for, he threatens to take all of them. He wants to take the tv and leave me with one I had prior to getting with him which he says isn't as good.
None of those things matter to me though, all that matters is my children, they won't care about how expensive the sofa is or the tv, in fact when he's at work we barely watch tv so they wouldn't even notice if we had none at all. I'm not sure why he's like this but he is!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 07/03/2017 23:59

So what are his good points?

Sukitakeitoff · 08/03/2017 00:00

Seriously you shouldn't be putting up with this. And your children shouldn't have to either. Even if he's nice in other ways, these threats alone should be a deal breaker.

Original poster
Moomintoes · 08/03/2017 00:01

I am actually struggling to think of any!
That might be because we have just had an argument though and my head is filled with his bad points right now!! Hmm

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 08/03/2017 00:02

Why are you having all these arguments that end up with him telling you what he's taking when he leaves. Sounds exhausting.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 08/03/2017 00:04

He is controling you. Making threats to make your life difficult if you annoy him.

You already have two children with different dads. Why is that listed as a reason to stay?

Use the redundancy to buy you and your children a home. Not him. No way. Why would you?!! And a conplete guess but i would say when you do leave him he will be one of those wankers who says youre spending all his maintenance on yourself and you dont deserve it.

Original poster
Moomintoes · 08/03/2017 00:06

No idea! This actually started because I was laid on what is apparently "his" sofa (the 3 seater) when I should have been on "my" two seater and then he started complaining because I wouldn't move and ended up flipping the argument round making me feel like I was the one in the wrong. There's no making him see what he's doing wrong!

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 08/03/2017 00:09

Really? That sounds like my primary age dc arguing. It's not sounding better at all.

WannaBe · 08/03/2017 00:12

It's very simple. He's not entitled to half of anything. He would be entitled for that which he paid for and/or brought to the relationship And the best way to keep it that way would be to not marry him.

hesterton · 08/03/2017 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Moomintoes · 08/03/2017 00:14

Thank you all for helping me see that I'm not totally crazy in thinking his arguments are ridiculous ConfusedHmm

OP posts:
SugarLoveHeart · 08/03/2017 00:18

Money-centric people go on like that because they want / worry about money. He will take your money if he can. If you keep it separate, he'll harp on about that. Either way, sounds like no fun... His sofa!

WannaBe · 08/03/2017 00:20

I would make sure you tell him that if he feels entitled to half of everything then that means you are also entitled to half of everything, and as such you will be bringing a chainsaw home tomorrow to divide up the tv and the sofa.

OP there really is no valid reason why you should remain in this relationship....

Notcontent · 08/03/2017 00:23

Plead, please, please leave this man!!!! He sounds horrible. And quite childlish.

HerOtherHalf · 08/03/2017 00:29

Why why why are you even considering getting even more committed to this POS? He sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work. You cannot change the fact you have a child to him, what's done is done. But to even consider getting married or buying a house with someone who is so controlling, bullying and abusive is madness.

Benedikte2 · 08/03/2017 00:40

Please think about leaving him OP. What's wrong with 2 children with two fathers -- that's what you have now. He will never let you win an argument, you will always be in the wrong and he has no generosity of spirit. Use the redundancy to secure your future and your children's futures. Whatever good points he may have are far outweighed by his meanness and lack of respect for you.

GatoradeMeBitch · 08/03/2017 00:40

Oh my God... You're not allowed to sit on 'his' sofa? I'm amazed he was able to get you pregnant because it sounds like you're living with someone who is still going through the Terrible Two's...

Pinbasket · 08/03/2017 00:42

It's very unusual for a person to constantly bring up finishing the relationship and dividing possessions every time an argument occurs.
Are you sure you want to marry this man? Why not delay marriage indefinitely, to give you time to see how it goes?

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